Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

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I Won’t Be Silent. How About You?

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Today, I was going to share the details about a wonderful weekend away that the hubster and I took in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario. Seems a bit untimely now considering everything that has happened in Charlottesville, Virginia.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It’s so easy to shove aside the tragedies of the world and go back to your normal, everyday life when they aren’t right at your doorstep. I often find myself asking, is that really what it takes? It personally has to affect you before you say something? (By the way, this goes for me too. I feel a deep sense of accountability for not doing and saying more over the years.) Yet, I still feel enraged at how nonchalant people, friends and family are when national tragedies like this happen.

The water cooler commentary on Monday morning. The “It’s so sad, isn’t it?” line at your kids soccer games. The small talk about the tragedy with the cashier. The thoughts and prayers for the dead.

That’s it.

Carry on as usual.

That sort of complacency is what allows the fear-mongering, hate-filled, nazi, white supremacists to show up, tiki torches in-hand, at a public university in America. In 2017.

I very much remember learning about the Civil Rights Movement in school. Do you? What did you feel? I remember flipping through the pages of my history book seeing protestors and allies and heroes, flanked on either side, or alone in a jail cell, opposing racist rhetoric and knowing they stood on the moral side of history. These activists aren’t viewed in history as radical. They did the right thing. So, what are you so scared of today to simply say something?

Do you fear rocking the boat? Is doing what’s morally right rocking the boat to you? Do you fear that distant racist cousin may disagree with you? Are you okay being associated with that? Do you fear your friends may make fun of you? What sort of friends are those?

Or do you fear the whole conversation may just make you uncomfortable? And who likes feeling uncomfortable…?

What a nice privilege it is to have the ability to avoid feeling uncomfortable and carry on, life as usual. Perhaps I should use a different term, one that may make people less defensive. How very blessed you are. What a blessing it is, indeed.

I’m not sure the family of Heather Heyer, the counter-protester who was run over and killed by a white supremacist, has quite that luxury today.

By saying nothing, you are doing just that. Nothing. Express your outrage. Getting involved, joining a local group is even better, sure. But for compassion’s sake, for the difference between right or wrong, choose to say something. Beyond just how sad it is. Call these white supremacists and nazis what they are – evil.

Don’t know what to say? Share this blog post. Don’t know how to get involved? Use that Google box.

For a country that knows how to find a Halloween costume for their cat (guilty), we sure act all bewildered when wondering what we can do next in the face of racist acts. Look up local social justice groups, local racial justice groups, local ACLU chapters…do I need to go on? You’re equipped to do it. So, do it.

Say something. Identify yourself as someone who whole-heartedly does not agree with what is taking place. This is not about party lines. This is about your moral obligation as a human who shares the same space on this great earth with other humans, to stand up when some of them are being wronged…or killed.

People know where I stand.

On my way to the Women’s March in D.C.

 

I’m sure some even have unfollowed or unfriended me—good. That bullshit isn’t welcome in my life. I’m sure a lot of us have witnessed and heard those funny-haha political remarks, the “Oh, I’m just saying it to get under your skin,” jokes. What do you do? I know I could do more and say more, even with people knowing where I stand.

So, why don’t people know where you stand? If you think they do, then why are they comfortable making racist remarks in front of you? Say something.

Say that racist, bigoted, neo-Nazi, white supremacists (and their jokes) are not welcome here, and tell your children the same so they know which side you stand on. If you can’t say it, or tell others that you feel that way, dig deep and ask yourself why you’re okay with it then, because that’s exactly what you’re saying, when you say nothing.

Complacency is easy. It’s also a blessing privilege. Which side do you want to be on when they’re writing this chapter in the history books that your children and grand-children will read?

UPDATE: New Cuba Travel Restrictions: Can You Still Go?

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Hats off to wonderful readers! After emailing back and forth with a fellow Not Your Average Gal pal, I got my hands on some updated information regarding Cuba travel restrictions.

Need a Cuba catch-up?

Hubster and I on our AirBnb balcony.

Jessica reached out to me concerned that her and her husband weren’t going to be able to go to Cuba now. They had purchased their plane tickets prior to the announcement of the updated travel restrictions that I listed here. After some back and forth and no “real” answer per se, Jessica decided to go Not Your Average Gal style and grab the issue by the balls take the reigns.

“I was on trip advisor and came across the link to the government site for travel to Cuba, so I emailed and got this response. Just thought I’d share with you in case you have other people bugging you about travel there.”

Please read the response she got from a Consular Assistant for American Citizens Services at the US Embassy in Havana, Cuba.

President Trump announced on June 16, 2017 policy changes which could impact Americans planning to travel to Cuba.  The Department of the Treasury's Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) will make regulatory amendments regarding travel by Americans to Cuba in the coming months, but the announced changes will not take effect until the new regulations are issued.

We advise Americans planning travel to Cuba to regularly consult the Department of Treasury's Frequently Asked Questions for the latest updates at https://www.treasury.gov/resource-center/sanctions/Programs/Pages/cuba.aspx.

Provided that the traveler has already completed at least one travel-related transaction (such as purchasing a flight or reserving accommodation) prior to the President's announcement on June 16, 2017, all additional travel-related transactions for that trip, whether the trip occurs before or after OFAC's new regulations are issued, would also be authorized, provided the travel-related transactions are consistent with OFAC's regulations as of June 16, 2017

Awesome intel, right?

So, basically, if you planned your trip in any capacity by making reservations before June 16, 2017, you should be okay. If you made plans afterwards, it’s a bit dicey, like I mentioned in my previous post. You can go, but there will certainly be more scrutiny.

Things to do in Havana Cuba

Sites and sounds just walking around Old Havana.

In the end, that type of scrutiny will prevent travelers from seeing such an incredible country. It’s pretty disheartening.

What do you think? Will you still travel to Cuba?

 

What’s Your Why?

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As I’ve been working on improving my digital footprint, this here website and my social media prowess, I’ve found myself knee-deep in online courses. PSA – Don’t buy every single one that is offered and get so overwhelmed that you barely finish one lesson. (Or so I’ve heard.)

Currently, I’m working through Instagram for Success by Helene in Between and a copywriting course to keep steady on my game.

All that aside, most of the time, these courses ask you what your why is. Why are doing this? Why do you want to complete these lessons? Why are you here?

It got me thinking. Do you ever just ask yourself why, in general?

It can be pretty rattling. You continue on your normal routine and if you ever stop to ask yourself why you’re doing it, it can be jarring. Why? (Pun intended.) Because, most of time, we don’t know why! It’s just how it’s always been done. It’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s part of being an adult with responsibilities, like wearing pants when opening the front door.

Then you dive down the rabbit hole of: What am I doing with my life? How the hell did I get here? Did I unplug my curling iron before I left for work this morning?

But wait! STOP! It’s okay to wonder about these life-changing questions, but actually answer the question.

What’s your why?

In that moment. Why are you doing it? The answer may be “just because” and that in itself is enlightening, right? Is that the best use of your time then? Why are you going to work? Why are your running a website? Why are you running around like a chicken with your head cut off? What’s your why, guys?

Lots of people ask me why I have a website. Most ask me how I keep up with it, really. But, overall, people wonder why I’m spending time on something like this. It wasn’t until I had to articulate my why, when I had to put together what I want to be known for in one of these courses, that I came to the reason.

To inspire women (and men!) to travel, stick up for themselves, take a different path, and find their voice. To encourage this crazy notion that we’re more alike than different; to show the good in the world.

That’s my why.

It doesn’t have to be a perfectly structured why either (in fact, I’m not a huge fan of how I wrote mine) — it just has to be a fulfilling one. Because, after all, why are you doing what you’re doing then?

Now, what’s your why?

 

On Being Overwhelmed.

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Generally, I have a lot on my plate. I can usually manage it like a rockstar. I know I take on (and accomplish) more than the standard 9-5 gal. Full-time copywriter, side-gig freelance writer, social media maven, website runner, in real life foot-to-pavement runner and then those international trips thrown in between. I do a lot.

But I’m still…comfortable.

Comfortable and unfocused.

There are changes going on behind the scenes and goals that I want to achieve in a certain period of time with myself and this site. I’m tired of just thinking “someday.” That means I need to narrow the To Do list. Narrow and focus. Focus and narrow. Rinse and repeat.

It’s uncomfortable being in the midst of shedding layers and choosing priorities. Priorities that, on the outside, may seem trivial, but lead to larger goals.

Priorities. It’s a crazy notion, right? How often do we look at our To Do list and assume everything is important and it all must get done? Then you get stuck in the vicious—but comfortable—cycle of paralysis.

You’re so paralyzed with the amount on your To Do list that you end up doing nothing because you surely don’t have enough time for all of it. You’re overwhelmed at the thought of it! So your To Do list usually ends up looking like you — pants-less on the couch watching Game of Thrones, bemoaning how much work you have to do and you just want a break.

Except that break takes days, months, even years.

Not this time, life! Not this time. 

I must remind myself, constantly, that even a small task or check mark off my list or priorities is a step in the right direction. However minuscule it is: watching a 10 minute webinar on improving Instagram engagements, trying a new way to edit my photos and meditating so I don’t hurt people, you know, normal stuff!

In fact, one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is simplicity at its best: Break down what seems overwhelming and start taking on the first tasks; one by one.

Seems fucking obvious, right? Well duh, just go down your To Do list and check off tasks. But how many times do we remember more tasks as we start accomplishing others? The list gets longer and soon enough we’re calling our husbands asking if he’d be cool if you just sold all of your stuff and moved to Hong Kong.

No? You don’t do that Just me? Cool.

Being overwhelmed can be crippling. It prevents actually changing. But, maybe, if you’re honest with yourself, that’s what holding you back anyway. Change.

That fickle beast: “Change.”

As my therapist says—omg, like, she goes to a therapist?—I’m a pretty damn resilient. That chaotic life I had as a kid and teenager, the ebbs and flows of a career, the roller coaster of the hubster’s med school, residency and now living apart.

Fun fact in resiliency: I’m essentially on my own island here in South Florida. Hubster 1400 miles away. Family, just as far away. Par-tay in Fort Lauderdale at Caroline’s place. Elderly neighbors and gossip at the pool included!

But, even as resilient as I am, change is still hard for me because change can involve failure. Failure is the scariest, guys! What if I try and fail? What if I try and they make fun of me? What if I try and lose money? Even odder, for reference, what if I try and succeed? (That can be scary, too!)

You know what’s scarier though? Never taking a chance.

Never being lump-in-your-throat, squirrels-in-your-belly, balls-on-fire nervous to finally have the audacity to unequivocally dare to be yourself. THAT’S scarier.

Now get up off your couch, put some pants on and check an item off your list. Let’s go, kiddos!

New Cuba Travel Restrictions: Can You Still Go?

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With the announcement of new travel restrictions to Cuba, many Americans are left wondering:

Can I still go to Cuba?

Yes. Maybe, sorta.

Super helpful, right?

As I stated back in the winter, the time to go is NOW. I’m actually sad that I was so correct about it. I can only offer you suggestions based on what I know now. Please be aware: Your decision to go or not, in the end, is up to you.

 

Things to do in Havana Cuba

Tourism Travel Was Always Banned

I think this is the biggest misunderstanding most people have. Even when we traveled to Cuba after Obama rolled-back restrictions, it was still against the law to travel strictly for tourism. As I stated, we had education activities planned out each day, ready to show any customs agent who may ask (but never needed to). We fell under the “people to people” educational trip.

“While tourism to Cuba is banned by federal law, the Obama administration had been allowing people to travel to Cuba and spend money as part of “people to people” educational trips for visitors who plan a full itinerary of educational exchange activities, though there had been little to no enforcement of these requirements.” Politico

New Restrictions

Once the new travel restrictions take effect, you will essentially need to avoid anything that is government run; this includes hotels, restaurants, stores, etc. Is it possible to avoid? Sure. Just makes it a bit tougher.

“While travel to Cuba won't be banned completely, you won't be able to support businesses directly controlled by the Cuban government, but rather only with small independent businesses. So you won't be able to stay at big hotels, but you can stay in an Airbnb, casa particular, etc.” One Mile At A Time

We stayed at an amazing AirBnb, so we would have be “okay” under the new restrictions. But, it also looks like you will need to keep your receipts from everything for five years and have heavier documentation of your activities.

“The Trump administration is stepping up requirements on those sorts of trips, requiring a full-time schedule of activities that “enhance contact with the Cuban people, support civil society in Cuba, or promote the Cuban people's independence from Cuban authorities, and that the travel must result in a meaningful interaction between the traveler” and Cubans, according to the draft. Travelers to Cuba will have to keep detailed records of all their financial transactions in the country for five years to make available to the Treasury Department if requested.”

Things to do in Havana Cuba

When Will This Happen?

The Secretary of Treasury was instructed to provide new rules 90 days after the presidential policy directive was issued. Trump issued his statement on June 16th. So technically speaking, this should happen around mid-September.

As One Mile At a Time stated, the US will have a tough time enforcing what people do there. But, it’s the fear of repercussions that will likely lead to less Americans going to Cuba. And man, I hate fear-based reasons not to travel to a country.

Would I Still Go To Cuba?

Today? Yes. After mid-September, I honestly can’t give a definitive yes or no answer until we see the new restrictions. It breaks my heart to say that because Cuba is such an incredible country.

One of my friends reached out to ask me this very question and I’ll tell you the same thing I told her: get your documents in order, book educational tours and activities for each day, plan on staying at an AirBnb and keep an eye on the news.

 

What do you think of the new travel restrictions? Do you plan on going to Cuba?

Long Distance Marriage: 1-Year Check-in

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I vividly remember the hubster finishing his first year of med school and thinking, “Woo. We’re a quarter of the way through it! Wait. Only a quarter…?” Back then, I had a tough time imagining what the next 3 years of med school would entail. Hint: It was a rollercoaster of stress, combined with small wins and big defeats, with the ultimate victory being the those 2 magnanimous letters: Dr. (And a boatload of student loan debt to boot too, but *sigh* we won’t talk about that.) The point is, we made it.

Long distance marriage living is sort of like that. So I guess, in a way, I’m thankful for those 4 years of med school to prepare us for these 4 years of an ER residency. Yuck! I never thought I’d say that.

Read our prior check-ins here:

It hasn’t gotten easier.

I’m used to the new normal by now, and actually enjoy certain aspects to my time alone, but it’s still tough. The goodbyes are worse, especially if we’re in the middle of an argument. What? Never mind. No one ever argues, right?

We try to have our next time together planned before we actually say goodbye, but that’s not always possible with residency schedules. He’s been really great at picking up an extra shift or switching with other (awesome) fellow residents, so he can piece together a few days in a row together.


[On the top of the Coba Ruins in Mexico.]

Flexibility is key.

On average, we see each other every 3 weeks. The longest we’ve gone is 6 weeks, and neither of us realized it had been that long because we were both so nose-deep in work. By the time we realized it, we were already seeing each other in a few days.

He’s done the bulk of the traveling to South Florida, especially during the winter season. In fact, he was down here on a break for nearly 5 days, flew back up to Michigan for a meeting and flew back down to Florida on the same day, just to enjoy the rest of his break with me in the Sunshine State. #browniepoints

I put in some PTO and we’ll be headed to the other side of Florida for some rest and reflection, and maybe an umbrella cocktail or two.

A love/hate relationship attending events alone.

I actually tend to miss the hubster more when I’m around friends. Weird, right? I think it’s partly because I want him to share the same experience with me.

Now, attending local group meetings and races? I’m cool riding solo.

Keeping our eyes on the prize.

There are moments when the frustration of living 1400 miles apart is overwhelming. What a lot of people forget when they actually live with their partner, is those daily, small interactions are really important.

[This is how I started FaceTime after a bad day.]

Sure, we supplement it with funny FaceTime moments, like when I successfully installed a new drain in our kitchen sink and wanted to show off my accomplishment. Plus, we call each other every day and, much to the hubster’s chagrin, I ask him to choose a calling schedule when he’s on ER shifts because those day/nights shifts change each week and I like to avoid waking up grumpy pants or talking to a zombie. (Sometimes they are one in the same.)

But, on those overwhelming and upsetting days (or weeks), I often have to remind myself of our end goal. Him: focus on continuing learning and perfecting his doctor-thing; me: focus on my writing, this website, my career and traveling more. This time will fly by, like medical school eventually did.

[Good friends keep me sane.]

Haters gonna hate.

We’ve come across our fair share of confused looks when explaining to people we’re living apart temporarily while he finishes residency. I know it isn’t traditional, but what about the name of my site screams that I’m traditional?! Many people also have this misconception about earning mucho dinero once med school is done and how it’s my time to sit back and chillax as a doctor’s wife. If people only knew how little doctors earn during their residency and the real sacrifices we both have to make in order to make residency successful, they may not speak so fast. And what about me says I’m the stereotypical doctor’s wife? Psssh. For the time being, I’m the breadwinner, baby!


Here’s to another successful 6 months until our next check in!