Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

Caroline Peterson

I Felt Like Crap. So, I Curled my Hair.

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Last night, in an attempt to put my adult pants on, I made a valiant effort at going to bed before 1 am on a school night. I’ve been taking an eye-opening copywriting class and one nugget of brilliant information that stuck with me was how to prioritize myself and my creative work. Not work in the 9-6 sense, but the work that helps motivate your creativity. The work that inspires you. The work that lights a fire under your ass and invokes sashaying to Beyoncé down the hall to the bathroom for your morning piss.

That kind of work.

I just don’t have the energy for that sort of sashaying when I get home from work.

Let me offer some perspective — I’m typically gone 11-13 hours a day depending on my workload. Often, the last thing I want to do when I get home is work on anything else other than a bag of potato chips on the couch. Don’t forget those annoying life things to take care of too, like bills, cleaning and changing my underwear. It’s recently meant that taking care of things that fulfill me outside of work get shoved to the side because I’m just. trying. to. relax. when I get home.

So, with this newfound information that (duh) I need to prioritize myself and my creative work, I took a page from this copywriting seminar’s book (Get it? Writing jokes are hysterical!) and decided to get up earlier than usual to take care of my needs first thing in the morning.

Like-5-fucking-am-first-thing.

That gives me a good 3-ish hours to get my creative writing juices flowing before I need to hit the road and flip the bird at Florida drivers. This morning I had a gecko pop its little head out from under my hood while I was going 65 mph. Little guy held on until I got to work.

Sorry, little guy. Welcome to your new concrete home of my parking structure in downtown Fort Lauderdale. I know I took you away from your family and lush paradise. But, hey, you lived?

Moving on.

The alarm went off this morning at 5:03 a.m. (because somehow that made me less likely to throat punch someone than 5:00 a.m.). I hit sleep. 5:11. Sleep. 5:20. Sleep.

By the time I got up, I felt like crap because I hadn’t fulfilled a new goal. So I beat myself up about for it a few minutes while I laid in bed, because that’s normal and healthy. I was productive for a bit, answering emails and looking up recipes on Pinterest.

HEY! Judgment-free zone.

So after I pinned another recipe to my board that easily has enough food to feed several Duggar families, I thought I’d try to make myself feel better by dressing the part.

You look good, you feel good, right?! <cue giant eye roll>

So I threw on a dress and curled my damn hair.

Bathroom selfies require looking off into the distance with a glow filter added because I couldn't put on foundation properly this morning. Pardon the cleavage, it happens with bathroom selfies.
Bathroom selfies require looking off into the distance with a glow filter added because I couldn’t put on foundation properly this morning.

 

(It fell out before lunchtime.)

(I still feel like crap.)

But someone at work told me I must be going out on an interview or something because I don’t normally look this nice…

So I’ve got that going for me.

Literally and Figuratively Cleaning Out my Closet

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In general, I’m very good about not collecting and keeping too much shit. The hubster pokes fun at me because I have 3 rubbermaid bins in our storage closet of childhood memories that I’ve been moving around to each place I’ve lived since I was 22. My mother wanted nothing of mine at her home after I left, save for a few items I forgot, and my parents have been divorced since I was 10, so very few things of mine were at my dad’s house.

3 bins of memories.

That’s it.

He has his childhood memories still sitting at his parents house that I’m sure could fill more than 3 bins. “It’s mostly trophies and medals from baseball and golf. I wouldn’t want to make you feel bad.” Modest, that one.

I think 3 bins are pretty good. Truth is, I could probably go through those and toss most things.

But the thing nagging me the most recently was my actual clothes closet. Things weren’t organized, I was wearing the same shit to work each day because I couldn’t really be bothered finding that “cute” shirt and I’m just in a rut. I haven’t really, truly gone clothes shopping for a “new look” in years because honestly, I didn’t need to.

Like I’ve mentioned, if traveling has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need a closet full of clothes to be happy.

Have I bought new things? Sure. But it’s things here and there. I could have kept some items I bought for our trip to Southeast Asia, but if we weren’t going anymore, why keep them? Return, return, return.

So this past weekend, I spent 2 hours organizing and cleaning out my closet.

I was disgusted.

gross

Even if I tend to go through and make donations every few months to the point our drawers and shelved are getting dull, I really must have been avoiding my closet the last year and apparently, as you’ll see, there was a reason. There was a pile of clothes I just tossed more clothes onto without thinking because I hadn’t worn them in years. One after the other after the other.

clothes

 

I like to think I live a bit more simplistically. And, in general, I do. I don’t have nearly as many clothes as most of my friends and yet, still, I put together 2 bags of clothes and shoes to donate.

That’s obnoxious.

Side note: Can you donate bras? The ones I buy to keep these puppies up are expensive and it seems a pity to just throw them out.

Some things were winter-ish items I was holding onto that just seem silly to keep while in Florida. If we ever move above the Mason-Dixon line again (GOD NO. PLEASE NO.) I doubt they’ll even be fashionable still.

And you know me, super model fashionista. Werk it, girrrl.

The sad truth is, some things just didn’t fit anymore. I have no idea how my breasts can keep growing, but they do. The hubster high-fived me when I announced from the corners of my closet that my boobs have a mind of their own.

I was about 5 different cardigans deep when I began to notice a trend. I noticed that most items I was keeping were looser fitting, shells, tanks tops and blouses.  I bought some cardigans when we moved offices and it was suddenly freezing because of a new A/C system. My thought was that I wanted to remain fashionable without putting on my winter coat and scarf at my desk.

But I grew into those looser fitting cardigans and blouses. These clothes are covering me up. Both literally and figuratively. I’m not ashamed of my body, but these clothes were sort of telling me otherwise. It really made me quite sad.

I realize that wearing tight fitting clothes doesn’t necessarily mean you’re confident, but most everything I have is just…baggy.

So I did something that took strength bottled in the reserves of my mind.

I donated my favorite pair of giant, oversized, comfortable sweatpants. 

You know the ones I wear with my giant, oversized Spice Girls tshirt? (Which, duh, I’m not donating.) The ones that the hubster says he knows exactly how I’m feeling about myself when I wear? Translation: Not good. 

When did I stop wearing things that made me feel pretty or good about myself? What the hell is going on here?

I was tossing out bras and underwear when I came across a pair of thongs that made me blush. I used to wear these? It was a quick kick in the ass of how I’ve been feeling about myself. (Don’t worry, hubster, I kept the risqué thongs.)

I donated things that fit funny and things I felt “too” comfortable in. I’m not going to toss my cardigans because it’s still 7 degrees below my nipples being able to cut glass in my office, but at least I’m now aware of what my closet it saying.

Get it together, Caroline, and stop hiding. Be proud of yo’self. (Does your inner voice have sass? Mine does.)

I kept a pair of jeans that are a biiiiit too snug for me to squeeze into and will help serve as a reminder to get my ass in gear at the gym and dinner table. The rest? Tossed. It felt so good to be organized and get rid of the old and toss the things I maybe was holding onto for the wrong reasons.

I’ve certainly been working on getting into a healthier schedule with all of the recent setbacks. Donating those items I’d hope to wear again someday or allowed me to remain hidden was a good step in the right direction.

Do you discover similar things when you raid and clean your closet? Are you reminded of certain feelings or memories when you toss things in the donation bin?

You were Never in Control Anyway, Honey

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I don’t do helpless.

I don’t do can’t figure it out.

I don’t do out of my control.

So what are you to do when you’ve exhausted every avenue and the answer or decision is in someone else’s hands?

Drink.

You let it go. Rather, I let it go. I have to let go.

buddha

Worrying is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

I’m so frustrated that things are out of my control and that my needs or wishes are on hold until we know more. I hate not having even the slightest knowledge of what the next year will look like. I realize how vague I’m being; there’s a method to my madness as you’ll see below.

We’re all going through shit. All of us. Whether or not your perfect Pinterest party ass wants to admit it, we are all going through shit.

So insert your problem (however big or small) into the sentiments from above:

I’m so ________ that things are out of my control and that my ______ or ______ are on hold until _______. I hate not having even the slightest _______ of what _______ will look like.

Feel any better? You can insert problem x, y and z into most scenarios of life that we share even if the problems are vastly different.

You’re not alone. Gosh, it feels better knowing that. At least for me it does. Do you feel the same way? Perhaps it’s feeling less helpless. Perhaps it’s comforting to know there are battles we all trudge through.

One of my girlfriends sent me a very interesting article yesterday:  After a setback, time in the neutral zone can be therapeutic.

It really resonated with me. I just need to…be. I need to sit in this current whirlpool of setbacks and soak in the uncomfortable feelings associated with it. No, not wallow in it. But simply accept that this could possibly be long-term and float in the new feelings associated with letting go of trying to control the current.

I’m not going anywhere, both literally and figuratively. Current needs demand focusing on the present situation. (Current needs = taking care of myself.) What I had envisioned set up expectations for how things should could turn out.

Expectations are evil. I must accept the present and let go. 

What are some of your techniques after setbacks? 

 

 

Girlfriends are Incredibly Important

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My stepmom, a woman whom I admire deeply, once told me that having a solid group of supportive girlfriends was one of the keys to having fulfilling relationships in other facets of life. I fiercely fought the idea of being a stereotype — a girlfriend that dresses the same, looks the same and puts her hand on her hip the same as her friends when they pose for pictures.

I used to declare I was closer to my guy friends than some women. Somehow that would be cooler, right? That notion is still true in some aspects — but I hold my girlfriends closer to my heart in most instances now that we’ve aged.

That makes me sound like a Golden Girl.

I also live in Florida in a community made up of mostly retirees…

<blinks>

Moving on.

I am one of the only women in my circle of friends who doesn’t have children and/or a mortgage. I have different life goals. This certainly changed my relationships with many of my girlfriends. Some for better, some for worse. As I’ve said before, while the dynamics of a relationship may change with marriage, children and life obligations called adulting, I’ve see that it’s perfectly possible to maintain friendships throughout those ebbs and flows because of certain women I’m still close with. 

(Also throw in a 1500 mile move and you gain instant perspective on friendships. Wine was very handy during this transition. And tequila.)

dna2

We recently had to cancel our trip to Southeast Asia.
Soon after, we got another punch in the nuts.
And right after that, there was another not-so-pretty setback.

3 life adjusting events in the course of 5-ish weeks. 

They are all things that add to the chapters of our lives and will make us stronger, or some other bullshit they tell you to make you feel better. It sucks. Right now, it currently sucks. There. I said it.

A majority of time I keep perspective. I’m grateful for where I’m at and am keenly aware things could be worse. I’m happily reading more to keep myself distracted. I’m catching up on my to-do list with an efficiency that must come from my part German heritage. I took 2 consecutive days off work and enjoyed a long weekend with the hubster that involved smiling and kissing and holding handing and all those other vomit-worthy things. Plus, I have so many freakin’ good ideas that I’m working to make happen with this site that I pee a little just thinking about it. Just a little. 

Thing is, I think I’m doing pretty darn good and then some slow walker on the way into work (OMGHOWCANYOUPHYSICALLYWALKTHATSLOW?) makes me miss an elevator and I about lose it over the 45 seconds I need to wait for another one.

The stress of recent events, it seems, is always at a slow simmer.

As the universe chucked some curveballs my way, I saw that even though I wasn’t wearing Lilly Pulitzer or carrying a Michael Kors purse (“On Wednesdays we wear pink.”), I had some close friends come out of the woodwork. Each one of their distinct personalities and life experiences adds something to my heart and reminded me that I have some pretty cool gal pals.

A card, a call, a text, a funny picture, an IM during the work day, a picture of their sweet kids, a great recipe for a skinny margarita (you bitches know me). I actually sent that one to myself.

It means so much to me. I must remind myself of that support during these times. Take some time today and tell a gal pal how much she means to you, even if it’s been awhile. Reach out to those who have always supported you and let them know how it’s shaped you today. Hell, share a glass of wine over FaceTime with your sister-in-law while you’re in Spain and fist bump your then 4 month old niece who has no idea what’s going on. 

What? I heard a friend of mine did that…

Girlfriends are incredibly important. So, thanks to those of you, especially recently. 

Thank you for being a friend.

 

 

 

(Traveled down the road and back again.)

(Your heart is true.)

(You’re a pal and a confidant…)

Shit. 

If I’m really a Golden Girl, I call dibs on being Sophia.

sophia

Where to go Solo?

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Solo travel. I’m doing it.

Perhaps.

Maybe.

(I knooooow.)

I’ve learned recently that I probably shouldn’t plan for things expecting them to happen. It’s most likely a result of having to cancel our recent trip to Southeast Asia, but either way, I’m apprehensive about saying I’ll “for sure” do something.

With some extra PTO in my bucket, I’d like to plan a little getaway. A much needed getaway, more specifically. Medical school prevents the hubster from traveling with me and most people I know aren’t willing to travel as far and as much as I’d like. Which is totally okay, I’m just not willing to wait for that day to come.

I’ve always deeply admired those gals who just head out for solo travel adventures. These women have shown me that solo travel doesn’t have to be so intimidating. Read Be My Travel Muse and Adventures Around Asia for some rockin’ inspiration.

I do have super fun, close girlfriends (the same ones I went to Spain and Portugal with last year) who are going to Australia in December. How fun! I’m looking into the logistics of it and haven’t totally thrown the idea out.

A morning alone in Barcelona, Spain.
A morning alone exploring in Barcelona, Spain.

 

But something is nagging at me a bit.
A sort of feeling that says it knows better.
A little voice that says:

Go alone.

I’m not totally sure why. Perhaps this is the sort of time and reflection I need after an emotional couple months and an incredibly intense few years?

Couple nights alone in Lisbon, Portugal
Couple nights alone in Lisbon, Portugal

 

I’ve traveled alone in the sense that I’ve flown to far off places alone, even spending days waiting for another person’s arrival. I lived in London alone for a month finishing up an internship, but I had already been there for months prior and well, London is essentially like another home to me. I knew it well at that point. While in London, my flatmates and I had the opportunity to travel to different countries for the weekend (I love how easy that is to do in Europe) and I remember one time saying that I’d just go alone if no one wanted to come. They ended up coming and I was secretly relieved.

I haven’t specifically gone somewhere with the intention of traveling solo the entire time.

It’s a thought that both excites and scares the shit out of me.

So, basically, I know I’ve got to do it at some point. So why not now? If time, price and logistics work out…this Florida gal is heading out of town…alone.

So where should I go solo? 

This is where I love to reach out to my readers and ask their suggestions, just as I did when you helped us choose our next adventure earlier this year. You rocked it out with recommendations.

First, a few caveats:

  • My preference is Central Europe, Eastern Europe and Central America. Am I open to other suggestions? Absolutely. With the miles and points I have in my accounts, those are the options I feel comfortable with for getting the best bang for my buck.
  • I may do a tour with a group of like-minded travelers. Do you have any groups or companies you’ve toured with that you’d recommend?
  • I’d like at least one city that’s a bit off the beaten path, but mainly will keep it to well traveled locations.
  • I’m looking towards travel for early fall. My blood has thinned and the thought of being around snow doesn’t warm my heart. (You are absolutely allowed to call me a wimp. I’ve officially lost my 23 years of Michigan winters street cred.)

If you are traveling or live in any of those areas and want to meet up for a couple days or even just a beer, let me know!

Let the suggestions begin below. Where should I go solo?

2015 Goals Update: Halfway Through

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Still here. Chugging along after having to cancel our trip to Southeast Asia.

Now may be a good time to check in and see how those goals for 2015 are going. Don’t you hate when you set goals for yourself only to look back and realize – whoops, gotta get that shit done. I made a post at the beginning of the year of things I want to accomplish. Since we’re halfway through 2015 (!!!), I thought it would be good to check in on what I’ve done…and what I still need to work on.

 

Blog:

Join a blog network and expand readers

I’ve certainly expanded readers. I’m still a bit gun-shy about joining a blog network as I’ve read some things that make me hesitant. Sure, it would be great for increased readership, but often your readers are just in numbers, not necessarily loyalty, if that make sense. I was told once in a blogging seminar, it’s better to have 1000 quality, commenting followers, than 10,000 who don’t actually read your posts. I could also potentially pigeonhole myself into a particular network and I’m about as likely to stay inside the box as Miley Cyrus is at keeping her tongue in her mouth.

Gain more followers on Twitter and Facebook

Check and check.

Choose one medium for all my social networks

I discovered IFTTT and love it. It’s not totally ideal, but it’s a great way of pushing through specifically what I want posted from Instagram to Twitter or FB, as well as links posted on Facebook to Twitter.

Include more videos

I planned on posting videos from our trip, but not all hope is lost. I have some ideas up my sleeve.

Write more about Travel Hacking

Check and check and check.

Gain more freelance writing work

I can happily say I’ve worked on a couple of cool projects. I even created a Work With Me page so you can easily contact me with any work you’d like handled by someone sassy. (Ahem. that’d be me.)

Feature sponsored post, guest writers and perhaps open up advertisements

Guest writer: Check

TerracottaWarriors_WanderlustExplorers

Sponsored post: Ready for it!

Advertisements: Still debating.

 

Life:

Travel somewhere new in July

Ouch. This one hurt a bit. Technically, we should be in Cambodia today. We are taking a long weekend next weekend to somewhere new, which I’ll disclose afterwards. Officially, I will get my hand on a Mai Tai.

IMG_8426

Read a damn book

Sorta check? I’m the worst reader. I’m too busy thinking about my To-Do list. I started reading The Happiness of Pursuit again after the hubster and I hit a massive wall of stress that lead to canceling our trip. It’s a really good book, I highly recommend it.

It gave me some ideas for my next “quest” and has my wheels spinning. I even brought my iPad to work so I could take a freakin’ break and read it during lunch. Has it happened yet? Nope. But baby steps, friends. Baby steps.

Give up TV for one month

Check.

Learn more Spanish

Haven’t used our Rosetta Stone yet, but my coworkers are really working on getting me hip to the lingo. (Does anyone actually say “hip” anymore?) They give nicknames to other people and they’re hysterical. I wonder what mine is? Probably “Muy Caliente.” For sure.

Actually, one of the benefits of reading The Happiness of Pursuit is giving me tips on learning a language in 6 months. It has reinvigorated me. Plus, I’m not starting from zero, I have basic Spanish skills from school. Bueno?

 

Health:

Lose 15 pounds

Meh. This is still very doable. I’m sitting pretty much at the same weight as I was at the start of the year, after losing some pounds when I got a reality check in May.

Incorporate lifting into my workouts

Check. I’ve noticed a big difference in my shoulders and thighs. I appreciate my strength so much more as an adult than when I was an awkward teenager grappling with having a very womanly body at a young age. I value my strength and my legs are really powerhouses…even if they aren’t the skinniest things.

Allow myself to buy pre-packaged meals

Check. Has made lunch at work so much easier. Pre-packed brown rice or quinoa that you can heat in the microwave is a time-saver. Uncle Ben’s and Seeds of Change are great brands.

Run 2 half marathons

1 down. 1 to go. It’s way too hot in Florida during this time of year. In fact, I don’t even know of another distance race in our area until October. I’d love to run the Las Vegas Half Marathon, but that may come up fast for me and I’m doing a good job mending my Achilles’ tendon.

A1A Fort Lauderdale Half Marathon

 

Get up each morning at 6

Check-ish. Do I actually get out of bed? Sometimes? Oh well. Baby steps.

Eat less meat

Check. At the very least, our Taco Tuesdays are usually with vegetables or soy/tofu crumbles and they are dee-lish.

Let go of guilt

Check. It’s a work in progress, for sure. Not a day goes by where I don’t have to give myself a pep talk about something, but that’s okay. I can say I’m so much better than I was last year; can you imagine 2 years from now? Boo-yah.

 

So, I’d say I’ve done pretty darn well, right? What do you guys and gals think? How are you doing on some of your 2015 goals?