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Not Your Average Gal

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You are here: Home / Health / Mental Health / You were Never in Control Anyway, Honey

You were Never in Control Anyway, Honey

August 6, 2015 By Caroline Peterson

I don’t do helpless.

I don’t do can’t figure it out.

I don’t do out of my control.

So what are you to do when you’ve exhausted every avenue and the answer or decision is in someone else’s hands?

Drink.

You let it go. Rather, I let it go. I have to let go.

buddha

Worrying is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

I’m so frustrated that things are out of my control and that my needs or wishes are on hold until we know more. I hate not having even the slightest knowledge of what the next year will look like. I realize how vague I’m being; there’s a method to my madness as you’ll see below.

We’re all going through shit. All of us. Whether or not your perfect Pinterest party ass wants to admit it, we are all going through shit.

So insert your problem (however big or small) into the sentiments from above:

I’m so ________ that things are out of my control and that my ______ or ______ are on hold until _______. I hate not having even the slightest _______ of what _______ will look like.

Feel any better? You can insert problem x, y and z into most scenarios of life that we share even if the problems are vastly different.

You’re not alone. Gosh, it feels better knowing that. At least for me it does. Do you feel the same way? Perhaps it’s feeling less helpless. Perhaps it’s comforting to know there are battles we all trudge through.

One of my girlfriends sent me a very interesting article yesterday:  After a setback, time in the neutral zone can be therapeutic.

It really resonated with me. I just need to…be. I need to sit in this current whirlpool of setbacks and soak in the uncomfortable feelings associated with it. No, not wallow in it. But simply accept that this could possibly be long-term and float in the new feelings associated with letting go of trying to control the current.

I’m not going anywhere, both literally and figuratively. Current needs demand focusing on the present situation. (Current needs = taking care of myself.) What I had envisioned set up expectations for how things should could turn out.

Expectations are evil. I must accept the present and let go. 

What are some of your techniques after setbacks? 

 

 

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Filed Under: Mental Health, Soapbox

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Stacey says

    August 6, 2015 at 9:15 AM

    Talking it out. It’s good to have people to lean on. Crying it out. Sometimes I feel like crying is my way of actually relieving the stress and pressure from my body. And trying to find something FUN to do to take my mind off of it. The last part can often be the most difficult to DO but can be the most effective. Oh, and finding a way to laugh. A really good laugh. Laughing is a lot like crying in this sense… laugh it out! Especially when none of the above have helped. And having faith it will get better and you will get past it… eventually.

    And when all else fails, find your favorite pop song about being strong (there are lots!) and sing the hell out of it. :o)

    • Caroline Peterson says

      August 6, 2015 at 2:29 PM

      Just talking and writing it out helped so much. Thank you for making me a…FIGHTER. 😉

  2. Lesa says

    August 6, 2015 at 11:02 AM

    booze, shopping, my therapist and a good cry or 8. and staying super busy to keep my mind off what has happened even for a little while- girls nights, weekend trips, date night, crafting and sewing. Exercise would probably be a good one to add in there, but I never got that desperate for something to do. 🙂

    • Caroline Peterson says

      August 6, 2015 at 2:30 PM

      Haha. Now don’t go doing something crazy like that! I survive in very similar ways as you do, makes me feel better.

  3. Kiki says

    August 6, 2015 at 12:02 PM

    I’ve been meditating for a good month now. Maybe once a day – I downloaded Buddhify and have been liking that. I, myself get way too worked up sometimes and it is just not worth it.

    • Caroline Peterson says

      August 6, 2015 at 2:31 PM

      Totally not worth it when it’s out of our control. But it’s hard to keep the perspective when you’re in it. I’m going to look at this Buddhify app. Thanks!

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