Soapbox

It’s November! Sobertober is over. I made it.

The hubster has a 30-hour shift on call today (and part of tomorrow), so to celebrate my achievement, I’m finishing off a box of wine while watching Lifetime alone.

Jokes.

By the time October ended, I forgot I hadn’t had a glass of wine in a month.

More jokes!

I had half a glass of wine and shortly after wanted to go home and sleep. I’M A WILD AND CRAZY-FUN TIME, KIDS.

I won’t lie, it was delicious. But, I also won’t lie that this month of not having alcohol has certainly made me revaluate my habits—the good and the bad.

The good

• My skin has improved a bit. I’m usually the pinkish-red gal in photos. Blame my Scotch-Irish heritage, but it seems regardless of the foundation I use, I’m red. Full disclosure: I have a bit of Rosacea on one of my cheeks (yes, only one…) Not drinking has has taken that down enough for me to notice. Score!
• I’ve banked 24 miles running the last 3 weeks of October alone. Not feeling like crap in the mornings helped me get my bum out of bed.

A pretty 5 miles this morning. #halfmarathontraining

A photo posted by Caroline (@carolinemadethis) on Oct 10, 2014 at 7:01am PDT

• In general, I feel healthier. This could be a mental thing, but hey, who ever said I wasn’t mental? (hey-o!)
• That bill at the restaurant? Cut in half. Nooooo, we don’t order tons to drink…usually. Have you SEEN prices in South Florida? That martini I ordered is the same price as my tacos. Mmmmm…tacos.
• That glass of wine or nice bit of whiskey after a long, stressed-filled day at work was freakin’ “too easy.” And I’m glad this month made me realize that. Initially, I distracted myself by diving into writing or just whipping up dinner. But quicker than I realized, I didn’t need that distraction. It just became a habit to not use my go-to liquid relaxation.
• Those crazy ideas and inventions that I come up with and usually blame on alcohol? I still have them sober. Luck you guys!
• Call me a control freak, but I enjoyed being in control of my schedule and not letting alcohol dictate it.

The bad

• My bad ass alma mater, Michigan State, won a pretty big rivalry game and I wanted to make all Spartans proud by having horribly cheap beer to celebrate. It just felt so right. But, I didn’t.

• The peer pressure is bad, you guys. I’m in my 30’s and you people have a knack for making it be “weird” to not drink. I survived though. Drinking water during happy hour also meant explaining I’m not pregnant without immediately wanting to flip the bird.

• I broke a nasty habit of drinking diet soda a few years ago. It’s back as a replacement. Not as bad as it used to be, but the very last bottle of Diet Coke is in my fridge right now. Back to carbonated water for me.
• I didn’t lose a pound. Shocking, right? Things fit better, but I wasn’t counting on any major weight loss anyway. It’s par for the course for me.

My takeaway

I think it’s a good reality check to rebalance some thing every once and a while. After a tapas and wine filled vacation to Spain and Portugal, I listened to my body and tried something I thought may help. I’m glad I did because it definitely brought some perspective. I’m going to integrate not reaching for a glass of wine just because I want one when I’m tired and stressed. I can go out with friends and not drink and still have a good time and laugh…especially at explaining that I’m not pregnant for the umpteenth time.

Being in control is a powerful thing. I like that.

I also like tapas and wine.

A fine balance is key.

What do you guys think? Is it something you would try for a month? How did my sober gals do this month?

Previous posts:

Sobertober

Sobertober Update

My mind is full right now. I’m stressed out. Thoughts are fuzzy. Having a blog can leave you a bit vulnerable. There’s some value in opening yourself up though – others can relate so you don’t feel so alone. So they don’t feel so alone too.

I want to be authentic with you. Yes, you. The people who are reading these very words.

I make an effort to balance sharing humorous anecdotes about travels or life with being real about real-life struggles. But sometimes, I don’t say things over concern about sounding whiny. I have a wonderful life and I don’t want to ever take away from that.

But let me set the bar for honesty. It’s all not sunshine and rainbows, pictures of beaches and posts about traveling.

I’m on the struggle train right now. Choo choo.

Here’s why:

• I haven’t been training for my half-marathon like I should and I feel like shit for it. I tell myself “Start Monday.” “Okay, start Wednesday.” “Dude. Get OUT of bed.” And another week has passed by where I missed another conditioning run.

• I haven’t been back to Weight Watchers since I got back from Portugal and Spain because…duh. Did you SEE the pictures of tapas and what I mentioned about not training as much as I should?

• I despise this time of year because of planning upcoming holidays with family. It always, always bring on a myriad of crappy feelings for me. Some, perhaps, I’ll write about soon.

• I’m working a lot, staying late, working on weekends and sleeping very little.

• I’m finding because of the above, I’m stressed out and have lost a bit of weight. Bonus?

• I have several posts written that I’m mulling over because I’m not sure how I’m coming across, even if it’s honest, because I may offend someone. Then I’m reminded of this:

• I’m a one-woman show! My site is a constant, constant work in progress. Maybe more than you know. I want the design of this site to be cleaner. I want my SEO to be better. I don’t get why Twitter is still the least clicked social media for my posts.

• I need to edit over 1,000 photos that I started a couple weeks back but haven’t gotten to because of work.

• I overthink things. Moving 1500 miles put some friendships in clear perspective. A majority of time, it’s a cathartic feeling to know the truth. Other days, it hurts and I question a zillion things. Perhaps, I’ll write about it soon.

• I’m at a weird “stage” where it’s tough to connect with women my age because I don’t often want the same things in this moment (or maybe ever) that they have. Like Coach purses, Tory Birch flats (Seriously. You paid how much?!), kids, a mortgage or stupid stick figures on the back of a minivan.

• Because I don’t have the above items, my contributions feel discounted. Forget if I work through another weekend, I don’t have kids so I couldn’t possibly be drained. But I AM ex-hausted.

• I’ve been struggling with the “b” words. Bossy and bitchy. Those two terms that come up when you’re confident in providing direction or being assertive. I get annoyed that I have to even think about that and then second guess myself. That’s come up a bit lately for me. Then I read something like this:

“What women need to understand is that the fear of being seen as “not nice” or bitchy comes from social messages about how they should behave. It’s the way men have gotten women to acquiesce for centuries. Just the thought of being considered less than nice makes a woman feel less than feminine. Each time you hesitate or avoid asking for what you want you’ve bowed to these messages. The vast majority of women could be more assertive and still be far from bitchy in reality. When you’re called that, it’s usually because you didn’t do what someone else wants —- in which case, kudos to you!”– Dr. Lois Frankel

So there you have it, my Bitch List. It all seemed to come to a bit of a head right now. One of my perceptive and hilarious girlfriends said I was just having an off week. I think she’s right.

This bossy bitch will take it in stride.