Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

Health

When Weight Holds You Back

By

In a former life, I went bungee jumping.

Former life = when my boobs were small enough to only need a built-in bra in my tank top.

Oh man, those were the days.

I was in Vegas with a couple of my girlfriends in my early 20’s and each of us promised to do something “adventurous.” One got a tattoo of her name written in Mandarin. I often wonder if that actually does say her name. Then two of us went bungee jumping.

Tattoo, Bungee, Bungee
Tattoo, Bungee, Bungee
Can't take me anywhere.
Can’t take me anywhere.

I vividly remember thinking I weighed too much to bungee jump. No, really. I was a fit girl, in her early 20’s who wasn’t wearing a bra for goodness sakes. I would love to be back there! But I was bigger than my tiny friends and for that I have a myriad of hang-ups about my weight. I decided to bungee jump anyway and forget the voice in my head telling me I was too big to do it.

Fun fact: Did you know you go up to bungee jump as a group and they do it one-by-one by weight? Yup. The heavier you are, the further down the line you are…and the longer you have to wait. I was third to last. So that was fun. And definitely didn’t play into the voice telling me that I was fat.

But you know what? I did it. I freakin’ did it.

There may or may not be video after the jump of me yelling to my girlfriends, “Did my boobs fall out?!” (They didn’t. I know you’re all heartbroken.)

The point is, I heard that stupid voice talk about my weight trying to shame me into not doing it…and I did it anyway.

As I pack for my trip to Spain and Portugal, nearly a decade later, that same voice comes back. Even in looking at tour excursions, some that may involve wearing a swimsuit AROUND STRANGERS, that same fear tells me to forget it.

I bought a dress recently (for $13!) that I thought would be perfect for Spain and Portugal and was super lightweight, which meant it took up very little room in my bag. But once I got home, I started having second thoughts.

photo

“Is it too short? No, really. Do you think it’s too short?” I asked my husband that enough times that he just stopped answering. You know those cartoon characters that just blink when someone asks them the same question over and over? He sort of looked like that. I even texted my girlfriends who I’m meeting in Spain. “No! I love it! Not too short!”

So why am I second guessing it? Because it’s out of my realm. Out of my comfort zone. I don’t normally wear dresses that are “that” short. For gosh sakes, it shows my legs! And when I’m doing something different, fear strikes.

I don’t want this upcoming trip to be gripped in fear over my weight. Granted, I am going alone (to meet up with girlfriends) and I’ll be alone for an entire day and night in Portugal before I head back to the US. I don’t necessarily fear that. (Truth be told, I am a bit anxious about it, but heck I lived in London alone for a month longer than other interns because my company wanted to extend my stay. I can do a day!) If I can travel internationally alone, why would I let my weight hold me back from doing things once I’m there?

Well, I’m here to tell you that I’m not going to do that! I promise that if that voice pops up and tells me not to take a picture at a certain angle or not to go paddle boarding b/c I’ll be in a suit, I’m going to tell it to shut up. I will not let my negative weight-talk hold me back.

And I’m going to wear that damn dress.

The Dressing Room Mirror

By

Guess what? I lost 1.4 pounds this week!

tumblr_lls6mpr8dW1qh31jx

That’s what I said to the scale. Boo-yah. (Not really. I totally said, “Yippee”, like the normal Midwestern, Non-Jersey Shore gal I am. But maybe I imaaaagined saying it. Such a rebel.)

That brings my total to 7.3 pounds lost. Slowly but surely.

After I weighed in, I went shopping. I’m leaving for Spain and Portugal in a couple weeks and need a couple items that I’ve donated over the years since living in Florida. You know, like light jackets. I hear it’s going to be in the 70’s and 80’s while we’re there. I’m not sure how I’ll survive. I’ve officially lost my Michigan winter street cred.

When I got to the store, I walked past the kids clothing section and only bought two outfits for my adorable niece.

Addy
I mean. COME ON. That face.

Then, I tried on a couple things in the dressing room.

#FLEXBREAK

It’s in the dressing room that my inner mean girl tried to rear her ugly head. I knew I looked thinner. I feel better. Things are fitting better! So while the scale may not be moving a ton, my clothes are telling me something. But so is my inner mean girl. She says stuff like, “You’re not thin enough to wear that yet.” She points out my problem areas, as if I don’t know they’re there.

Mainly I make these faces in the mirror.

photo 2 (1)

I basically had to lay on the ground and peel these m-fers off.

I left without actually getting that light jacket — imagine that, it’s hard to find in South Florida — but I kept looking at my silly flex break picture. I thought I looked pretty good. But more importantly, I felt good!

So shut your face, inner mean girl! I freakin’ got this.

Do you have an inner mean girl? What does your inner voice say? How do you shut down the mean talk?

That the Powerful Play Goes on and you may Contribute a Verse.

By

robin willliams

I gasped. Audibly gasped.

We were watching CNN before making dinner when it was announced Robin Williams died, by taking his own life.

I have a range of emotions; the one speaking the loudest is heartbreak. Heartbreak for his family, heartbreak for his craft, but most of all, heartbreak for his suffering.

My friend, Joyce, nails it. She’s fantastic.

It seems incredibly cliché and very simplistic, but the saying is accurate: everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Even if they seem to have it all. Thinking happiness comes with success is a symptom of our society as a whole.

I realize I’ve written about depression before and it seems egocentric to link it here at this moment. Suffice to say, it’s an ugly disease that can slowly seep into every fiber of your being. It can take hold at unexpected times, tightly.  Suffocating your personality, numbing your reactions. Even if you have checked all the boxes off to living the standard, lovely life, often there’s an empty unchecked box that leads to comfort in your mind and heart.

I’m sad today. Sad for the loss of life and sad that the stigma still exists for depression. So much so that people callously scoff that someone with seemingly so much wealth could take his own life. The key word in that sentence is “seemingly” and what your idea of wealth is.

What you deem as painful, what you deem as manageable circumstances, could be completely different for another person. I know there’s a bigger connotation there, but the sooner we realize that simple fact, the easier it will be to openly talk about depression.

If you’re dealing with depression and need help, please reach out. I, along with many others, would be more than willing to help. Honestly. Knowing you aren’t alone, is incredibly validating. If talking to a third party seems more comforting, please use this number: National Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1-800-273-8255

I was entirely too young to watch Dead Poets Society, but I’m thankful I did. As a child, I often thought my creativity was weird, but I knew even at that age it was a defining part of who I was. Now as an adult and writer, albeit an amateur one, those sentiments still hold true. I’ll forever love this scene because of that.

Thank you for your verse, Mr. Williams.

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And, the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, ‘O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless — of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these O me, O life? Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.’ That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.
What will your verse be?”

C’mon Scale!

By

It’s no surprise that weight is a struggle of mine. Or maybe it is a surprise to you and for that, I say THANK YOU.

This week was pretty discouraging. I started Weight Watchers back in May because 1) the scale wasn’t budging and 2) I had a lot of upcoming travel, which for me can easily throw off my routine and equal weight gain.

I wanted some control back. So happily begrudgingly, I went back to Weight Watchers. I had great luck with it in college during my freshman year and dabbled in it a couple times after college. That sounded like a drug….I dabbled here and there…

So this week after being spot. on. with my meals and points, I hopped on that scale and saw I only lost .4 pound. Like, a little less than half a pound. Like, I take poops bigger than that.

You’re welcome.

I eat pretty darn healthy in general, so when I’m super, duper extra keeping-my-eye-on-the-prize-AND-SKIPPING-HAPPY-HOUR-WITH-COWORKERS and the scale still doesn’t move?! tumblr_mesl222Jcx1ql5yr7o1_400 Breathe. So instead, I put a smile on my face and looked at the group leader and said, “I’ll take it.” Because in all honesty, I will. I have to, have to, have to, have to, trust the process.

I’m a glutton for punishment with vicious cycles of feeling like I “should have” lost more and then giving up for the next few days. Then, when a moment of inspiration (read: Britney Spears’ abs) hits, I’m simultaneously gung-ho and pissed I have to begin at the starting line again. So, I’m taking it like this. If I hadn’t joined WW back in May, I most likely would still be at the weight I was, or worse, have gained weight.

The 5.9 pounds I’ve lost since May seems SO LAME. I know. I KNOW. There’s women and men in my groups that have lost 20 pounds since then! I don’t have a goal weight set in mind and perhaps that’s part of the problem. But the truth of the matter is, I just want to be feel more comfortable with myself.

I’m sitting here at my pool typing this. I hate myself too… And I don’t have a beach cover on. I’m sitting here with my thick, muscular thighs and stomach out for the whole world to see. I’m shockingly fine with it. But that’s been a process in itself. I want to feel more comfortable and healthy overall.

I know I’ve accomplished more than most with this body. Shit. I did a half-marathon this year, something I would have LAUGHED at after my first 5K years ago. I want to both respect that about my body and also be the best version of me. That probably means I have about 20-25 pounds to lose. Even then, I’m not the “ideal skinny”, but I’m okay with that. Just like I’m okay sitting here with a lady staring at my boobs.

Yes, they’re real, schnookums.

That’s what this whole process is about, right? Striving for better; a constant evolution of self. Keep on, keepin’ on. Gotta get back to it.

If I stop now, where does that get me? It gets me back in the dressing room doing the squatty jeans dance. You know? Suck, zip, squat. Suuuuuck. passout I can do this.

What motivates you to stay on track? What’s your biggest weight struggle? If you don’t have any, that’s cool. Here’s the door.

What to Expect

By

This site was originally created to serve as a place to put my portfolio and contact information for my video, writing and marketing work. I wanted my site to be a place for potential job opportunities, even if it was in far-off places. Over time, I found that most people were coming to read my blog. (Thanks Google Analytics) And it's funny how life turns out because years later, I find myself in a totally different warm climate with palm trees and year-round sunshine…as a copywriter.  While I didn't specifically move to Florida for my current job, life seemed to mold into that direction. As it needed to be, perhaps.

I've talked a lot about how I'm revamping things and going to change the name of this blog. Are you excited?! Get excited. This is like peanut-butter-on-chocolate exciting.

So what can you expect from this place now? More focus.

Travel

If you had asked me 20 years ago what my favorite thing to do was, I'd tell you it was traveling. Today? Traveling. I've been to some pretty freakin' neat places, especially recently. I went to England (to get married no less, because that’s totally normal), Scotland, Thailand and Cambodia last year. Up next month: Spain & Portugal!

I want to tell you about them. Down to how I got there, how I afford it, where to go, where to stay, what to expect and more importantly why it's imperative to travel and see the world.

Cambodia Angkor Wat
In Cambodia at Angkor Wat

 

A Standard Life

My father got up at our wedding and talked about how I have always been and forever will be the girl who thinks outside the box. At first, I was like, what the heck, Dad?! I'm doing something so “normal” here for once, I'm getting married! But he's right. The last thing I want to be is a lemming and get caught up with the often miserable cycle of keeping up with the Joneses. If you've followed my blog in the past, you know I've been cornered before about my life choices and how they don't fit the mold.

The American standards of success are very different than mine.

"And she refused to be just like everyone else."
“And she refused to be just like everyone else.”

Health

I ran a freakin' half-marathon this year and you know what? I didn't lose a damn-flippity-fucking pound. I didn't gain any weight either. Same thing happened when I trained for and completed an Olympic-distance triathlon. What gives, dude?! I'm down 5.5 pounds total now and aim to keep that number dropping. Throwing that out there isn't easy for me, but damn, it makes it real and accountable. That feels good!

I want to blog about my goals, nutrition, workouts and overall body-image issues, especially for women.

Half Marathon photo bombing husband
Half Marathon photo bombing husband

Life Observations

I once wrote a post about leggings not being pants and apparently it resonated with you people. That's what you'll find here still. Like, for instance, when an older lady at our pool (did I mention we live in FL and there's lots of fun, old people) told my husband, who is in his 3rd year of medical school, that he should go into Psychiatry because…wait for it…”there's lots of nuts running around here.” I can't make this shit up.

So I'll blog about it.

News

I'm a news junkie. In a past life, I wanted to be Barbara Walters. I even went back to school for broadcasting. I enjoy knowing whats going on and get beyond frustrated with people who are purposefully apathetic to the world around them because their own world is that much more important. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but that's exactly how it's perceived when you have no idea what's going on in your own country, let alone across the world. It's not all doom and gloom. I fully believe in the human spirit. That's what you'll find here.

Women

Yes, my fellow lady-pals. I can't tell you how many times I've said if we just SUPPORTED each other this world would be capable of so freakin' much more. I'm no angel, but MAN (pun intended) some of you ladies are nasty, unsupportive, miserable people to one another. I don't get it, so I'm going to openly talk about it. Right here. The male ding-a-lings (pun intended) are welcome, too. We're not gender exclusive ‘round these parts (pun intended).

.

I’m also looking into having guest posts for any of the above subjects, even other subjects if someone so desires and I approve. Just hit me up. I'm sure this site will be ever expanding, but that's the game plan for now.

You'll find pretty consistent funny ramblings on my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter pages. Follow them. I'm a good time! Wait. That didn't come out right…