It’s no surprise that weight is a struggle of mine. Or maybe it is a surprise to you and for that, I say THANK YOU.
This week was pretty discouraging. I started Weight Watchers back in May because 1) the scale wasn’t budging and 2) I had a lot of upcoming travel, which for me can easily throw off my routine and equal weight gain.
I wanted some control back. So happily begrudgingly, I went back to Weight Watchers. I had great luck with it in college during my freshman year and dabbled in it a couple times after college. That sounded like a drug….I dabbled here and there…
So this week after being spot. on. with my meals and points, I hopped on that scale and saw I only lost .4 pound. Like, a little less than half a pound. Like, I take poops bigger than that.
You’re welcome.
I eat pretty darn healthy in general, so when I’m super, duper extra keeping-my-eye-on-the-prize-
Breathe. So instead, I put a smile on my face and looked at the group leader and said, “I’ll take it.” Because in all honesty, I will. I have to, have to, have to, have to, trust the process.
I’m a glutton for punishment with vicious cycles of feeling like I “should have” lost more and then giving up for the next few days. Then, when a moment of inspiration (read: Britney Spears’ abs) hits, I’m simultaneously gung-ho and pissed I have to begin at the starting line again. So, I’m taking it like this. If I hadn’t joined WW back in May, I most likely would still be at the weight I was, or worse, have gained weight.
The 5.9 pounds I’ve lost since May seems SO LAME. I know. I KNOW. There’s women and men in my groups that have lost 20 pounds since then! I don’t have a goal weight set in mind and perhaps that’s part of the problem. But the truth of the matter is, I just want to be feel more comfortable with myself.
I’m sitting here at my pool typing this. I hate myself too… And I don’t have a beach cover on. I’m sitting here with my thick, muscular thighs and stomach out for the whole world to see. I’m shockingly fine with it. But that’s been a process in itself. I want to feel more comfortable and healthy overall.
I know I’ve accomplished more than most with this body. Shit. I did a half-marathon this year, something I would have LAUGHED at after my first 5K years ago. I want to both respect that about my body and also be the best version of me. That probably means I have about 20-25 pounds to lose. Even then, I’m not the “ideal skinny”, but I’m okay with that. Just like I’m okay sitting here with a lady staring at my boobs.
Yes, they’re real, schnookums.
That’s what this whole process is about, right? Striving for better; a constant evolution of self. Keep on, keepin’ on. Gotta get back to it.
If I stop now, where does that get me? It gets me back in the dressing room doing the squatty jeans dance. You know? Suck, zip, squat. Suuuuuck. 
I can do this.
What motivates you to stay on track? What’s your biggest weight struggle? If you don’t have any, that’s cool. Here’s the door.
I think your absolutely gorgeous just the way you are but I know what you mean about wanting to feel better about yourself! For me its all about health and being as healthy as can be. Losing a parent in their early 50’s due to heart disease scares the shit out of you so that you never want to smoke or eat a steak again. But with all things I think moderation is the key and not punishing or hating yourself for setbacks is the most important. I feel best when I stick to a gluten free/paleo diet but also making sure im in the gym 5 days a week. I think you said it best…striving for better…a constant evolution for ones self! Your brilliant and beautiful regardless of those 20 pounds…never forget that!
Moderation, indeed! And thank you, along with your unending support. You make me blush. 🙂
For me it’s realizing that I can’t eat the way I used to. And I love the way I used to eat. Ok still do eat…
Having two babies didn’t help. After James I thought, well shoot, why bother losing it all, I’m just going to have another. Bad idea. Then you just gain MORE. Ugh…
I’m way more than I’m comfortable with. Maybe I’ll think about weight watchers. But that whole points thing scares me.
I’ll keep it real – sometimes the points drive me batshit crazy. That said, it does hold me accountable. Even if I’m not writing everything down, I still have an idea of how many points something is. That’s sad, really. Ha! Most important for me are the meetings. Even more important than the points system. The days that I don’t want to weigh in or I don’t want to sit through the class, are the days I need it most. I always, always find a good nugget from each meeting. Plus, it’s validating to know that you’re not the only one that dreams about french fries!