Not Your Average Gal

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Archives for June 2017

5 Reasons Why We Had A Destination Wedding

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I don’t talk about my wedding a lot. The reason is two-fold, really. For starters, it just inherently sounds bragadocious, any way you cut it. Also, it’s often tough to explain to people why we chose to have a destination wedding. In my experience, you either get it or you don’t.

Fun little fact: Last week was our big 0-4 wedding anniversary! We’ve been together 10 years now, so no, it’s not all still new. He still leaves his dirty boxers right. next. to. the. hamper. Anyway, I’ve never really shared anything about our wedding or why we chose to have a destination wedding.

In England. At a castle.

(SEE! Those are the facts and they still induce the vomit hand motion for me, too.)

But, hell, if you’ve ever considered a destination wedding because of your love for travel or you’ve ever been the least bit interested in learning more about our nuptials, then you’re in the right place. Doing a destination wedding was bar none, the best decision we made for our wedding day(s). I wholeheartedly will fist pump **YES** to anyone who ever asks me if I think they should do a destination wedding. Do you, boo.

Maybe someday I’ll delve more into the deets of the day. But for now, let’s explore why we chose to do a destination wedding.

5 Reasons Why We Had A Destination Wedding

 

We love to travel.

Pretty self explanatory, really. We understand the value of traveling and the experiences that it provides. Funny enough, we also looked into doing our wedding on some neighboring islands in the Caribbean, but the only time we could get married with the hubster’s med school schedule, was in June. Hurricane Season. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So many people will tell you this during the wedding process, but it never hurts to say it again: This is your time, do it how you want. We got so much push back, especially from certain family members, telling us our destination wedding idea was absurd.

I believe the phrase used was, “This is too extravagant for this time in your life.” 1) If they only knew the final costs they’d realize how silly that sounds and 2) during this time in our lives? So I should wait to have another wedding… These are also the same people who went on and on after our wedding telling everyone how wonderful it was.

Do you.

We wanted more than 4 hours with loved ones.

Certainly, there are rushed aspects to your wedding day. You have a schedule to abide by and, even as a guest, often times you feel it too. I didn’t want that. I wanted our wedding to be the cherry on top to the time spent exploring and experiencing.

I really wanted to avoid playing catch up with people as we thanked them for coming. I wanted genuine time together.

We yearned for something different and authentic.

The hubster and I have been to 28 weddings. I was in 7 wedding parties. **cue 27 Dresses jokes** We wanted something different. Each wedding we attended certainly had its own take and wonderful, personal feel. Especially with all that love is patient, love is kind stuff. JOKES!

After being in so many weddings myself, I chose not to have a wedding party — which again, set off the traditionalists who felt they could share a few choice words with us. But the point was, I didn’t want anyone to buy a dress or suit and everything else that is associated with being a part of a wedding party and also pay for flying across the pond. No wedding party? No biggie!

Since there were no designated VIPS, this meant we got to share more authentic moments with people. We had our siblings get up front and center during our wedding rehearsal and take their vows to us. “Do you promise not to call then soon-to-be Dr. Hubster in the middle of the night for prescriptions once he graduates med school?” “I do.”

We asked friends to read lyrics from some of our favorite songs, during our wedding — including the Spice Girls! Seating cards consisted of embarrassing photos of each of our wedding guests. Each step of the way, we wanted everyone to play a part in our wedding as a whole.

We wanted an experience, not an evening.

Hands down, the best part of having a wedding abroad was seeing everyone else get to experience the nuances of a different country I love so much. It was so cool watching everyone walk though and explore every room in North Cadbury Court.

Besides that, we moseyed around the town too, amongst the rolling hills of the English countryside, finding ourselves cozied up next to the locals at the town pub.

The day after our wedding, we also rented a bus for everyone and took them to the town of Bath, so our guests could further explore at their own pace. That was very slowly for me since we had a good night the prior evening at the reception. ;)

We wanted a smaller wedding.

The beauty of a destination wedding is your guest list is smaller than doing it “at home.” We had 40 people hop across the pond — which is actually quite large for a destination wedding! I honestly say that humbly; it was such a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by those who were there. On that note too, when it’s a destination, the people who come, want to be there.

Another major benefit of having a smaller wedding? We spent less than the average cost of an American wedding. Yes, for real. (Also, see below.) While the average costs may have increased in the course of 4 years, back then, we spent less. And, keeping it real because that’s how I roll: While the hubster and I did contribute quite a bit to our wedding budget, we couldn’t have done it without my dad and in-laws.

We weren’t caught up in the details.

This may sound shocking, but I was incredibly laid back when it came to the small things. My wedding planner probably wasn’t amused with my responses a lot of the time. “Sorry, I guess I like these colors…”

Because of that, we spent quite a bit less, too. North Cadbury Court and Old Wardour Castle we’re amazing on their own — they didn’t need many decorations. Their backdrops alone were breathtaking, just add in a bride and groom and you’ve got the recipe for great photos. No need to fluff up pictures with flowers and gems and chair covers and bows and floating candles and so many other things we feel pressured to get.

I think this stems from — sorry friends and family — not actually remembering details of other people’s weddings: the centerpieces, what type of paper the menu was printed on, the bride’s bouquet, the desserts, etc. You know what I do remember? How much fun I did or didn’t have. I just wanted good times, good people and good laughs.

Ceremony: Old Wardour Castle
Reception/Accommodations: North Cadbury Court
Wedding Planner Extraordinaire: Matthew Oliver Weddings
Sparkly Photographer: Adam Sparkes Photography

There you have it. That’s why we chose to do a destination wedding and it was one of the best decisions we’ve made. Have you ever attended a destination wedding or have one of your own? What did you think?

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London Calling: Heading Across the Pond Again!

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As some of you know, my love of England started young and runs deep.

  • I saved my hard earned money from my after school job at a second-hand kids clothing shop, solicited donations from organizations, and with a little luck (Thanks, Mom-mom), got to travel to England at 17 with the People to People Student Ambassador program.
  • I fell in love with international traveling there.
  • I visited again while a sophomore in college.
  • I lived there for 6 glorious months for an internship after college.
  • I freakin’ got married there 4 years ago!

My love? It’s the real deal, folks.

*** AND WE’RE GOING BACK! ***

The plans just sort of fell into place, as most magical travel getaways usually do. So why am I going back?

I’ve mentioned the subject here before, but the holidays suck for me.

Big time. Big ol’ donkey balls suck. (You’re welcome for that image.)

No matter how much I try to pre-plan, slowly but surely, holiday plans fall into place for everyone, but never to actually come see us in Florida. Traveling? That’s up to the hubster and I if we don’t want to be alone.

While we know that’s not totally unusual for families, having one couple or family have to take the brunt of the load of being flexible…it still flat out sucks sometimes.

Big ol’ donkey balls sucks (You’re welcome, again.)

So, this year, I’ve taken a different approach. One the hubster said we should have taken all along, but was a bit flippin’ difficult with, oh you know, medical school always weaseling its way into ruining plans.

We decided to start a tradition; one that I can fully embrace and won’t leave me anxiety-ridden and in tears eating Chinese food on the couch over Christmas or Thanksgiving.

Operation: Head to Europe for the Holidays

This year, Thanksgiving gave us the best bang for our buck and time away. Next year? Maybe it will be over Christmas? Who knows? I just know that I’m happy we get to determine the plans, something we had the power to do all along, really. And if we eventually have guests decide to come to Florida during the holidays – awesome!

We’re starting the tradition of Operation: Head to Europe for the Holidays with London and Brussels. We’ll be in London for a week and do a day-trip to the Christmas Market in Brussels. I’ve never been to Brussels. From what I hear, I’m going to eat all the chocolate things.

Logistics

I got the idea for making it a tradition when a sale for a river cruise to Christmas Markets in Germany came through my inbox. I explored a bit, and using my Not Your Average Gal knack for finding a deal using our points and travel hacking, I saw that going to Europe in the fall and winter isn’t a bad deal.

Hotels:

Hotels will most likely be booked using points. Right now I’m exploring using my IHG credit card anniversary certificate, combined with points, for a couple nights at the Intercontinental Park Lane. (That means free! Take THAT nearly $400/night!)

 

Then, maybe use our plethora of Hilton points that we earned in Tokyo and Seoul last year by paying cash at our hotels while using the 4th night free benefit with the Citi Prestige card. We saved over $700! Such an awesome card. But right now, I’m not seeing many Hiltons in a desirable location that aren’t asking an absurd amount of points. I’ll keep exploring, like my compulsive travel hacking self.

 

Flights:

We booked our flights last week through Delta and found some Premium Economy availability with Virgin Atlantic, a partner on the SkyTeam. The price difference between Premium Economy and Main Cabin C+ (formerly Comfort Plus) was ~$250 a ticket. The PE flights had better departure times and not to mention, allowed us to fly First Class on our connecting flights. We also earn more Delta MQMs flying in a higher class, which means the hubster and may make medallion again next year. With all the traveling we’re doing to see each other, in my mind, that was a no-brainer.

Mind you, I spent hours looking at itineraries to find the best bang for our buck and coordinating travel plans for 2 people coming from opposite ends of the US. It’s not like $250 is just tossed around in our household, we simply prioritize travel, so when the time comes, we can GO. Plus, I’m neurotic and enjoy finding the best flights, comparing planes, seating charts and amenities. 

Sure, we could have used points to fly to Europe, and I’ll fully admit how ridiculous this sounds, but we want to spend our points for Business or First Class tickets on flights longer than 8 hours, like our on our trip to Southeast Asia next year!

ATL Sky Club. Photo Courtesy of Rene’s Points. One of my favorite Delta bloggers.

 

We’ll rendezvous at the Sky Club in Atlanta, and since I’m a Gold Medallion I have free access for me and a +1 on international flights. That’s where we’ll toast to a new tradition, hop on our flight to London and the rest, as they say, is holiday tradition history.

I’M SO EXCITED!

How Do You Make Friends As Adults?

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First day of kindergarten. I’m the one in the knee-high socks, throwing a peace sign. Activist at age 5, apparently.

 

Funny story. Before the hubster and I were married, while in the throes of fairytale-dating love, we decided to try a painting class together. Real talk: After nearly 5 years together, things were getting stale and as much as I loved attending every softball game and participating on a bowling team, it was time for us to do some things that I loved – like painting!

We took a one-night class at a local art gallery. This isn’t the “paint by numbers” kind that most places are nowadays. This basically was like: open a bottle (or two) of wine and paint this particular art display of wine bottles and grapes that was on the center of the table on your nifty canvas with the help of an instructor.

Well, let me tell you about our instructor. She was a badass. She immediately took to the hubster and myself, because, well, duh, who wouldn’t? This feisty chick was hysterical while also providing some very helpful painting suggestions. I kept thinking to myself, I would love to hang out with her, she’s so fun and smart. As the night progressed, I was trying to figure out how to get her to hangout with the hubster and I (and some friends we were meeting up with) afterwards, without it sounding like a proposal for a threesome.

By the end of the night, I just couldn’t figure out how to ask her out without it sounding like I was hitting on her or inviting another person into my bedroom. I convinced myself I would see her again because, like the artsty-fartsy person I am, I frequented this art gallery.

Meaning, I chickened out.

Wouldn’t you know it, months later the hubster and I did run into her while partaking in some libations at a local watering hole and she totally remembered us! We shared a drink and before long she had to make her way somewhere else (if I remember correctly, it was a hazy time…). I knew I just had to ask her for her phone number because, man she was cool, and not cool in like a popular way, just cool as in self-confident and smart. Now, no offense ladies, cool chicks are sometimes a pretty rare fucking gem, especially at that time in my life when I was the Lone Ranger who wasn’t procreating or partaking in wedded bliss. So I ran through the 18 ways I could ask her for her phone number without sounding like a groupie and guess what?

I chickened out again.

I still think about that, like the anxiety-ridden, over-thinker that I am.

No more birthday parties with classmates at Burger King & McDonald’s.

 

Nearly 5 years later, I still have no freakin’ clue how to ask a person to be a friend. I mean, not like, “Hey, wanna be friends?” kind of way. But, maybe for instance, “Hey, in the few times we’ve met, I think you’re really cool and I’d like to hang out with you and maybe start a crocheting club, or perhaps we could watch bizarre documentaries on Netflix about the process of making stinky cheese and after a few times, I think that means we would be friends, right? So, what do you say?”

That’s how it goes, or so my mind has told me.

You know you’re likable and friendly and make a wonderful, supportive friend. But how do you prove your worthiness to people you’ve known such a short time?

I know part of the problem, for me, is the comparison to friends “back home.” My Michigan pals have known me for decades. Some I’ve even been friends with since the single digits. Some even before I had these glorious tits! They know me pretty friggin’ well. Some even choose to spend money and fly down to Florida to see me on the regular. SUCKAS.


One friend, in particular, texted me at work asking for pictures of the cars I saw while I was in Havana, Cuba so he could show his dad. I abided by the awesome request and checked in to see how his parents were doing, as they are unfortunately not doing well health-wise.

“We’re ok. Hanging in there.”

“Good.”

“Miss you.”

My eyes welled up at my desk, like the sap I am.

“Me too, buddy.”

Meeeee tooooo.

1400 miles away during tough times is…tough. I miss my friends and those friendships, a lot.

But how do you even begin down that path of long-term friendship? Hell, even short term, without sounding like a total psycho because there isn’t an adult recess that I know about or birthday parties still being thrown at McDonald’s and lunch time often consists of me slurping down grub at my desk.

I’m lucky enough to work along side some pretty cool people. Sometimes interests don’t always align though. So, what about outside work? How do you expand your horizons?

I’ve joined “meet up” groups and often they are geared towards singletons looking to hook up — which, is totally cool, whatever floats your boat — or it’s all about bar meet ups and getting smashed — which, again, totally cool, whatever melts your butter. It’s just not my jam. At least not with people who aren’t my husband and with strangers (on both accounts).

Last year, after the hubster moved 1400 miles away, I decided to do more than just donate to my favorite social causes and actually attend their local groups; I get to hang with amazing, incredible and truly motivating human beings. I love the relationships I’ve made thus far and certainly hope I get the courage to ask some out for coffee tequila. But, we’re just not there yet.

And I’ll probably chicken out.

 

How do you make friends as adults?

Wheels Up!

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It never gets old. Ever.

I’m like a kid eagerly anticipating take off, on my way to Disney World for the first time. Each and every time.

You know how teachers, mentors or coaches will tell you to pay attention to the things you get excited about in life because, often, those are the things you should be doing for a living? How the hell do I get a job where I literally just fly for a living?  Sign me up!

I’m currently 35,000 feet in the air on my way to Detroit to see the hubster. I think this is only my 11th or 12th flight of the year and man, I’m still just as excited for my Biscoff cookie as I was on my first flight of the year.

The whole process around flying gets my adrenaline pumping. Getting to the airport while the sun reaches it’s way to the morning sky, illuminating it with pink flairs. Hearing those first few jet engines zoom overhead as you leave the parking garage. The smell of jet fuel and early morning rain. The beeps and stamps and checks as you make your way through security. Grabbing your coffee to just sit and people watch…and giggling to yourself as people gather around the gate way too early. That? That’s my jam!

If you think about it, flying is absurd.

You lift these objects weighing hundreds of tons, and hurl them through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, to arrive at a destination often thousands of miles away only a few hours later!

I mean, is anyone else geeked out by this?

 

I hope I never lose this sense of wonder.

Getting Caught Up In The Details

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I’m the worst when it comes to buckling down and getting something done that requires a bit of peace and quiet. I get caught up in the minutiae. My desk must be clean. Paperwork and bills cleared off and filed accordingly. (I was like this in college too. You knew I had an upcoming exam because my room was spotless.)

The right music must be playing, but which station? Classical today or Top 40? When I get a glass of tequila water to accompany me, I notice that the Brita needs refilling, and that’s where I see there’s some dishes that need to be put away and 2.75 hours later, I’ll sit down to write, only to stare at the screen in self doubt.

This isn’t good enough. No one will identify with it. I need better photos before I post this garbage. God, how does so-and-so get so may posts out per week that looks so damn perfect!?

Then, avoiding the thought of imperfection, I peruse over to Facebook. Just for a minute, I say!

And we all know NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS WHEN YOU JUMP DOWN THE FACEBOOK RABBIT HOLE.

It’s like I wait for a reset button that never comes, to put my anxiety at ease and allow me to just hop into my task at hand, without judgement or the limits that I set for myself. It’s only me too! I’m my worst critic. Aren’t we all? The Hubster is so flippin’ supportive with my website and freelance work that he just stares in disbelief as I list off the 18 bajillion things that should be done before I take care of my passions or hobbies.

Well, I’m not waiting for the damn reset button anymore. All the details? They are just noise.

In fact, I wasn’t totally prepared to write this here very post. I’m listening to a dance station that was on while I was working out and isn’t particularly great to listen to while writing. My hair is still wet from my shower and the glass next to me has water in it, not wine. Sacrilege! 

It’s taken me about 15 minutes to write this much and yet, had I listened to the “other list” of things that needed to be taken care of first, I would have spent time on those things but thinking the whole time about how I should be writing and that writing a blog is time consuming. Hint: IT IS. But not when done in small bits, or not pushing it off until it’s overwhelming. Prioritizing aspects of my life that are integral for making my goals come true is crucial. This site is one of them.

I’ve been waking up earlier each day to focus on the things that bring me peace and contentment and have developed a bit of schedule, including this website. I’m working on upcoming content, and truth be told, going through the blog post ideas I’ve had on my phone for years, that somehow always got lost in the details.

No more.

Do you ever struggle with the details?Â