Travel

Please note: This post was originally written at the end of February. About a week before our lives and the course of our future was forever changed due to COVID-19.

Months have been spent worrying about The Hubster’s life and those of his patients and my loved ones before considering anything else. The least of which would be posting about something exciting we’ve worked so hard for.

Truth be told, even with a contract signed, we didn’t know if we would ultimately get there. Unless you’re in the medical field, you may not know about it, but hospitals and organizations were canceling contracts for incoming doctors.

Not to mention, Hawaii is under a strict quarantine, it’s tough to find a place to live and maneuver the logistical nightmare of shipping our home across an ocean all during a pandemic—we just didn’t know if it would all happen anymore.

Much to the Hawaiian way, we’ve been assured for awhile now to move forward as much as we can as we’re still wanted and needed. We’re so grateful.

This week was the first time in nearly 2 months I smiled when discussing our future plans again; it doesn’t seem so bleak or farfetched anymore. I’ll allow myself the small pleasure of being excited a bit.

We may not know an exact date, but we’re still moving to Hawaii.

Check that off as words I never thought I’d say.

We’re moving to Hawaii.

Home of luaus, hula dancing, Mai-Tais, rainbows and enough mahalo-ing to make this Midwesterner’s heart happy.

And we’re moving there. We’re going to live there.

As I typed this I’m still shaking my head. I can’t believe it and it’s been months since we visited and the hubster got a job offer.

This starts the beginning of the end in a volcanic journey towards becoming a doctor. I couldn’t help it, guys. The Hawaii puns will be plentiful. You’re welcome to punch me.

So, let’s quickly recap for those new readers—HEY!

• Hubster and I met.
• Hubster went back to school, worked full-time and applied to medical schools for 3 years.
• Hubster and I moved to Florida for medical school.
• Hubster matched for an EM residency in Michigan.
• We lived 1400 miles apart for 2 years.
• I started my own copywriting business so I could have the job flexibility to move after residency.
• I moved back to Michigan.
• We went on many trips exploring areas we may want to live post-residency.

I just summed up 13+ years of busting our asses in 7 bullet points.

Suffice to say, there were a lot more sub bullet points below each. A lot of uncertainty. A lot of career shifting. A lot of tears. A lot of miles moved in-between. 3 homes. 2 surgeries. 2 therapists. 1 wedding overseas. And a partridge in a pear tree.

I’ll save you the details.

After exploring the west coast this past fall, from Oregon to California and then Nevada, we fell in love with Central Oregon. I’m telling you, I still dream about that area. I can see myself there, and more importantly, we can see ourselves there.

Cut to the reality that there were no open ER physician positions at that time and it left me and the hubster scrambling to define what’s next.

I’ve been pretty open—LOUD AND PROUD—that I’m done with the bitter cold and grey Midwest winters that last far longer than anyone wants to admit.

From the moment I started dating My Main Squeeze, to now-hubster, he always said he never saw himself staying in the Midwest long-term. We silently smirk at each other when he grovels how cold it is or how warm it is in our former Florida home.

But, there are creature comforts of “home.” There’s a pull to the certainty of it, especially if where you’d like to live doesn’t have job openings at that time. Especially if moving again and the fear of failure or not liking it lurks in your mind.

I get it. But, my close friends knew how frustrated I was at that point.

The Hubster slowly started applying elsewhere. Places we knew we may like based on previous travels: Arizona, Nevada, all the while keeping an eye on Central Oregon.

Believe it or not, we had Hawaii on our list from the get-go.

But, because we hadn’t visited there before, it seemed like a pipe-dream.

Cue serendipity.

Timing. No job openings where we wanted. A friend who recommended an ER group in Hawaii. An application sent. An interview scheduled.

Pack your bags, kids!

It happened in a matter of weeks, as most wonderful life adventures do.

We flew to Hawaii, then Arizona and finally Nevada for job interviews.

By mid-January he had a job offer. Several, eventually, in fact.

What has seemed like a lifetime of commitment to this medical journey, culminated with us blissfully smiling over cold Kona beers. Quietly taking it all in as the world around us became a murmur of submerged sound; ruminating and enjoying the moment while eagerly wondering what’s next.

It was magical.

The weeks that followed were full of financial benefits spreadsheets, entertaining discussions and a hankering that we both knew what the answer was regardless.

We have, quite literally, set up our careers, moves, life sacrifices and many margaritas for even the chance at an opportunity like this.

Him putting in endless hours studying, training, working and missing so many of the fun events all us non-medicine people look forward to, including sleep, and me leaving a cushy paycheck to start my own biz, which gives us the flexibility that medicine requires, among other things.

Which is why our decision to move 4,500 miles away truly boiled down to only living once. We knew we'd always wonder about an opportunity for adventures in Hawaii if we didn't take it.

Some of the best decisions we've made have been full of both fear and faith that things would be okay…and this is certainly one of them.

Excitement and fear can coincide together, in fact, I think they always should.

As scary as it may be, as many logistics that need to be figured out, as much as we’re going to miss our crew, Hawaii was saying Aloha to our hearts.

So, this summer depending on when quarantines are lifted and essential logistics allow, we’ll be setting up shop in Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii.

The group the hubster is working with values a work-life balance that other organizations may turn their nose up to in preference for the hustle culture. It was a welcome surprise. Something I think both of us could benefit from.

Not only that, Hawaii is full of some of the kindest, friendliest, most-mahalo-ing people around. We were enamored with the plentiful opportunities for adventures on the Big Island. Did you know it has 12 of the 13 world ecosystems?! We can drive up to snowy tops of mountains where telescopes are housed, and then back down through rainforests and across to the dry climate of the Kailua-Kona side. It was incredible. We can do anything from stand up paddle boarding to surfing to swimming to running (the Kona triathlon is run here for a reason) to zip lining to hiking to climbing volcanos to golfing to sitting on my lanai listening to the coqui frogs.

Soon enough, we’ll be packing up our home, preparing the ginger kitty for gecko hunting again and moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

I simultaneously can’t wait and am scared shitless. As it should be.

You can fully expect I’ll be sharing lots of pictures of lush rainforests, lagoons, black sand beaches and Mai-Tais.

I will not be sharing pictures of me getting lei’d.

Oh man, these jokes are never gonna get old.

Mahalo, my friends!

Have you seen it? The abundance of posts chanting: O-M-G It's the Last Days of the Decade. The ones that humblebrag neatly discuss the intricacies of achievements over the course of the last decade.

This won't be one of them.

Truth be told, I didn't even put it together that 2019 was the last year of the decade. Mostly, because after the millennium, time ceased to exist or plunged into a twilight-zone-like vortex and basically, 30 years ago is still 1970, right?

I've done the yearly wrap-up posts that aren't just the sugar-coated versions of life and ones that tip my hat at the things I've accomplished. Frankly, I'm quite proud of everything I've achieved in 2019. I got through one of the hardest years of the hubster's ER residency (while still allowing each other to come to bed) and even with the ebbs and flows of a new copywriting business, still posted more sales at the end of the year than the year before. It would be worth a post to celebrate. 

But, with the dawn of a new decade upon us, it may be nice to gently nudge and dive into what many of us may be feeling:
Anxious. Apprehensive. Apathetic. 

A lot has changed in 10 years!

A Decade of Learning

Being scared doesn't mean it's not worth it.

A new decade brings on some excitement about the endless possibilities out there. But, with that, comes its unrelenting, ugly twin: fear. It starts with the seeds of self-doubt and “what ifs,” then morphs into, “I'll do it someday,” and soon, and you find yourself in 2029, wondering where the decade went. Ack. We've all been there. Don't let those fearless Instagrammers fool you. 

Some of the best decisions I've ever made started with a knot in my stomach. The kind that you get when you're at the tip-top of a rollercoaster, just about to barrel down to earth in a rush to the senses. From hopping on a flight to Hong Kong alone, to leaving the comfy cushion of the corporate world, I'm so, so glad I felt the fear and did it anyway. Or at least I remind myself of this while burning the midnight oil, pantsless, figuring out my marketing strategy to get more clients in 2020.

Being scared is okay. It means you're alive!  Feel it. Revel in it. Take it out for a dinner date. Just don't let it make its way into your home, sleeping comfortably in the back of your mind. Let it remind you that some decisions, however small, can be scary because they’re uncertain. That doesn't mean they’re unachievable.

It's okay to be scared. But you have to show up, open up, love fully, fall down, make mistakes, learn, grow and do it all again.

Grow from experience, not bitterness.

One of the ugliest personality traits is cynicism. The kind that scoffs at any goodness in this world. The type that sneers when something goes astray that it was bound to anyway because, of course! Anyone been there? Certainly not me. <looks around to see if anyone believes her>

Growth occurs from planting your roots in the notion that you'll be okay. It may not be what you envisioned. You may not be where you want to be in this current situation. But you'll be okay. I had to trust that notion when I made the 1400-mile move back to Michigan. I would be okay. I am okay. You'll adjust your sails and in doing so, you may find yourself right where you worked towards being someday. 

Growth isn't bitterly blaming your ex for every wrong in your life, while simultaneously proclaiming you've learned so much from that jerk and are hashtag blessed. 

Boundaries are your new BFF.

One of the hardest decisions we can make is figuratively drawing a line in the sand that the way things have been going, can no longer happen on our watch anymore. Not if we want healthy, respectful, nurturing relationships in our lives. Often that looks a lot like setting boundaries with family and friends. 

It can feel so icky at first because we're told otherwise. It's a right of passage really, a family subtlety that seeps into our mindset shouting: no matter what I do, what I say or how I treat you, you have to put up with me because, family! (Many fun people with PhDs will call this abuse.)

The backlash can be big or passive aggressively comedic. I've personally experienced over-the-top, manipulative guilt trips that many Psychology 101 professors would enjoy—and are free to use! Hold true to who you are, what values you find important and know that the boundaries you've set will only be tough for the people who benefited from you not having some in the first place.

Kindness and patience…are qualities not to be trifled with.

Some of the kindest people in the universe are also badasses. Oprah. Ellen. The librarian who fixed my $.50 overdue fee by simply clicking a button. They are all kind souls, but ones I wouldn't mess with when it comes to disrespectfully taking advantage of a situation.

Often when we think of a love that is patient and kind, we imagine a calm world filled with thoughtfulness and ease in decisions. What is hard to wrap our heads around is we can be both patient and kind, while also not allowing ourselves to be unseen or disrespected. 

I once told my sister, I now look for new friends based on how I think they'd react in a public situation where someone was being bullied or humiliated or disrespected. Would my friends stand up and take the person under her wing? Would she yell that you can’t speak to someone like that? Would she stand idly by too nervous to ruffle feathers? Which option would be the kindest to the person being attacked? 

I want to surround myself with kind, patient, feather-rufflers. 

Your voice matters. You matter. You are enough.

A shoutout to all the men and women who aren't feeling okay, but still get up every day and refuse to quit. You are the real show stoppers. We all yearn for connection. We all want to know we belong and matter. That can be incredibly hard on the tough days or if you're surrounded by a not-quite-right-for-you squad.

If there's anything I've taken away from the last 10 years, it's this: I am enough.

If I'm totally alone. I'm enough.

If I'm laughed at. I'm enough.

If I'm sporting my *NSYNC t-shirt, dancing in my underwear in the kitchen. I'm enough.

You matter. Your little beating heart provides something in this world that others can't possibly master: you.

How awesome. You, that is. 

As this decade winds down and a new one begins and we starts to access what they heck just happened, take heed in knowing others feel the same way. Taking note of the things you would change isn't about living with regret. It's about being an accountable adult and knowing you want to do better, be better. How beautiful is that?! 

Side note: I despise when people say they live with no regrets. Frankly, it seems like quite a simplistic, caveman-eque way to live, never having the balls to look back and think, yeah, I could have done that more eloquently. That, that right there, takes some self-reflection. Acknowledging a regret and wanting better. The YOLO, no regerts, lifestyle is nice if you live in a vacuum.

Just think of how much you've experienced—for better or worse—and be proud of where you are, in this moment. <insert internet high-five here> You don't need to measure your failures and successes by noting how far you've come; you're HERE. Right now. 

That's enough. 

You are enough.

Here's to a scary and exhilarating 2020 and another decade of you.