Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

Soapbox

The Ripple Effect of Taking a Stand

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But…what about your business?
What about your clients?
What if people unfollow you?
What if you get a nasty email?
What about alienating your loved ones?
What about screaming into an echo chamber?
What about Aunt Wilma who posts the most BIZARRE conspiracy theories?

The “What abouts” are real, guys.

These are all thoughts I've had; all thoughts expressed in my small business community too.

And yet, as I've mentioned before, from the tippy-tops of my toes to the roots now growing out of my head, I know not saying anything isn't an option for me. It feels grossly negligent to just stand by.

I'd like to gently nudge you in that direction.

Rachel Rodgers has a post today that inspired me enough to put down some words before I go for a run to clear my mind after WHAT AN ENTIRELY SHIT SHOW WEEK WAS THAT, YOU GUYS?!

Because, you see, that's what I do. I write.

It's my gift to you. As, “Let's all get in a circle and list 3 things we're grateful for,” as that sounds—that's my power. That's me sprinkling a little bit of infectious (for the love, not COVID-style) stardust on this corner of the interwebs, asking you to take pause, and reflect.

When you hide what makes you special, you become invisible. When you keep doing something that's not working just because you don't want to rock the boat, ultimately, you drown.

Rachel Rodgers

The kicker is: when you take a stand, make a statement or share your opinion, you often account for some sort of blow back in your life. 

That often comes in the form of friends and family. Our loved ones.

Defining your circle of friends and family can be a lifelong culling process, more often than not, reflecting how true to yourself you've been. Are these the people you choose to surround yourself with or those who are there by-proxy based on the facade you've presented yourself?

Ouch.

That can be why it's hard to take a stand. Harder to voice an opinion when you know you will offend. Why you may think it doesn't matter in the end. 

And here's the pain-point most often missed with that worry of the possible backlash: you'll be okay.

  • You'll be so okay that you'll revel in what finding your voice and rocking the boat feels like. 
  • You'll be so okay that you'll find out who admires your stance.
  • You'll be so okay that others will follow your footsteps and not only stand by your side, but hold your hand saying, “Thank you.”
  • You'll be so okay that the bravery it takes to speak your truth when you know you will offend someone, will provide rocket fuel for the next time you decide to karate chop the dreaded, Pollyanna, “let's not get political” territory. 

As you start defining these things about yourself, you naturally attract those to your circle who want to support and share in your ideals. Just by being you. Just by taking a stand.

So here's my stance:

I am voting for Joe Biden.

I do not think Donald Trump is fit to be president. Amongst many other things, he openly mocks POC, people with disabilities, women and more often than not, lies so much that we are left wondering if statements from the highest office in our country are accurate.

We absolutely cannot afford another 4 years like this.

I will absolutely not cast my vote for a third-party or write-in someone for an election this important. I certainly understand that not having a candidate that reflects my values entirely is frustrating, but I'm voting for more than just me.

(My qualms with the two-party system are something that deserves to be actively worked on during the 4 years of a presidency—not just discussed during election season.)

I will not worry what those statements may do to my business, my friends, my family, my next-door neighbor who so adorably blasts Hawaiian music while working in his garage because—

Here’s the reality:

Staying out of politics is a political move.

Staying silent to appease some out-dated business model is both irresponsible, offensive and short-sighted.

Staying quiet in order to remain affable and get more clients (money) is more a matter of character than politics.

Staying neutral screams a lot louder and says a lot more about you than you think.

My business. You. Me.

We deserve better than that. 

Taking a stand will cause a ripple effect because bravery has a way of doing that. 

Who are you willing to be? Who are you willing to offend?

Today, I’m asking you to be brave.

Words for Us: A Vote for We, Not Just Me.

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If you're finding yourself shouting that we've read about this in history books, we've seen how this plays out based on the past, we know where we are heading because we've watched other countries march into their future to the same vicious drum beat, then know you aren't alone.

I often find myself too frustrated for words, which says something as I'm paid to do it for a living. This frustration then turns into fear. Fear of not being able to accurately express myself. Fear of remaining relatable enough to both those who feel similarly so they know they aren't alone and those who may disagree but will continue to read.

Then that other fear rears its ugly head. The one where I add to the often misused and now politicized word: divisiveness.

So I don't write.

I avoid putting the words down.

I tell myself that the actions I take, whether that's donating to causes, marching the streets, encouraging people to vote are important—and they are—so that should be enough.

But, truth be told, for me, living my truth means putting it down into words.

A declaration in times like these is too crucial to be avoided.

It's imperative that people know where you stand.

And if you're murking in the shadows, feeling that it isn't right or the best time or your voice is just one amongst many or that you may offend people you love, I'd like to pause for a moment.

Perhaps sharing a personal story can show us that we are more alike than different right now.

I wasn't always declaring my Not Your Average Gal-ness. I desperately wanted to be “normal” and fit in during school, simultaneously embracing my quirks but also just wanting to be asked to the dance so I could feel like everyone else it seemed. (Key word being seemed.) I dealt with the blow back of saying what was right and wrong enough that I became somewhat of an outcast on one side of my family. That sort of rejection is painful, especially given it's family. It gave me pause for years as to what I should or shouldn't say in front of people in order to remain affable.

But the hard reality is, the truth exposes itself eventually. Whether that's from lies and secrets uncovering themselves, a product of ruthless erosion that time relentlessly provides. Or from enough people waving the white flag of exhaustion, their conscience unable to stomach the ugly bile of knowing what's right, what's true.

What happened was I found out quite quickly while telling my truths, that I wasn't alone. Sharing my thoughts only uncovered that shroud of secrecy in our similarities.

I'd hate to think I left someone feeling alone because I wasn’t willing to say something out loud.

So here we are.

The truth.

Founded, substantiated, not an opinion, not up for debate, not simply a preference, not simply a difference of opinion.

Science is real.
Black lives matter.
Rural America isn't stupid.
Women's rights are human rights.
The pandemic isn't a hoax.
Climate change is happening.
My ER doc husband and his hospital aren't getting kickbacks for COVID.
I watch too much reality TV.

None of these statements are political in nature. None. If you’ve been convinced otherwise—on either side—you've been conned. Hard stop.

Okay, I'll carry on…

On a fundamental level, people want to be heard, to be valued, to know their life matters.

Whether that manifests itself amongst often-forgotten rural America that idolizes a guy with a relatable no-holds-barred-approach, that sneers at the political elite and jeers at fellow Americans who don't look or talk like them. Or reveals itself through country-wide marches decrying the lack of value for black lives, systemic struggles amongst minorities, all while we watch another Black American murdered in broad daylight in our streets.

We're scared.

Scared about the loss of jobs, about a deadly disease, scared for the lives of our fellow citizens.

So it's the perfect moment for fear. It's the perfect moment to play into the worst amongst us, stroking it with a consoling hand that it isn't anyone else's fault, but that other guy's.

What happens when fear reigns supreme, is a blow-hard dives in and points to fellow citizens as the problem. It's the immigrants. It's China. It’s the government red-tape. It's women who are asking for it. It's not raking your leaves properly to prevent wide-spread, catastrophic wildfires. It's 200,000 lives lost because…it is what it is.

That's exactly what Donald Trump is doing. Playing into our worst fears. Giving it a voice.

So, I'm using mine.

This isn't the America I know. Frankly though, I didn't know it well enough before.

I love my country. Each time my flight descends and the squeaky wheels hit the runway announcing my arrival back into America, I feel a sense of calm and pride. Conservatives and republicans may tell you the liberal mob hates America, but the hard truth is, they do not own patriotism. (Oh, and I'm not in a liberal mob.) I may have serious issues with our American past, I may not like certain bills that are passed, I may fundamentally disagree with lots of politicians, but that certainly doesn’t mean I'm not grateful to be born here. Proud to put my hand over my heart and sing the national anthem or take a knee silently asking for change. I didn't understand Making America Great Again because it was already great in my mind. It's certainly been a harder stance to take as of late.

But, that shroud of my privileged, cushy life revealed itself as fellow Americans painfully decried this isn't the place they liked or the life they wanted for their children. On both sides, mind you.

(For what it's worth, the catchphrase Make America Great Again quite simply, by the words itself, means America isn't great.)

What we're witnessing now is slow descent away from democracy and the normalization of crude, compassion-less hate for fellow Americans. Political scientists are often left struggling to find another time in modern history where political decency has left the building and calling women nasty or Mexicans rapists is acceptable.

So we’re left with an election and a political call to arms: putting country over party.

Conservative family and friends have confided in me their regret for voting for Trump in 2016. That he does not represent the Republican party they joined decades ago. That his lack of political knowledge and all-out disdain for foreign policy scares them.

I'm left wondering, is that enough? Is that fear enough to get them to vote outside their typical party?

The fact is this is more than party-politics too. It's about the security of our nation, the fundamentals of democracy crumbling. Nearly 500 national security officials formally backed Biden this week, with some saying the announcement was political. They would be right. To publicly politically align with a candidate, when in the past that move would be considered a faux pas, is saying this goes beyond politics now.

It's about our country.

I'm not naive enough to think this small corner of the interwebs would do anything to change the all hail Trump crowd. As they've been told, either by political talking heads or Trump himself, you and me are the reason this country sucks so much. Anyone not a part of their crowd is somehow part of the liberal elite, the mainstream media and certainly isn't a proper Republican if they don't vote for Trump.

The two-party system leaves much to be desired. So much so that even when a man with the Presidential crest shrugs when questioned about hundreds of thousands of Americans dying, they are still left wondering if they can vote for the other party.

That's terrifying.

Biden certainly isn't my ideal candidate, but this election is about more than just me.

What I found as I marched in Washington in 2017, rallied to get out the vote in 2018, sat through hours-long Women's March, Moms Demand Action and Black Lives Matter meetings listening to women and men tell their experiences which profoundly altered my worldview and then marched alongside my black community for their lives in 2020—is that we all love our country and citizens enough to want better.

Wrapped in that nugget of love is the complexity of a modern revolution demanding to take place.

Your vote is part of that.

Your voice is part of that.

Your actions are part of that.

Silence can be deceiving. Especially on social media. As people have reminded me, their silence on social media shouldn’t be mistaken for condoning the current administration. Their actions of joining anti-racism groups, advocating for voting access and making sure nursing homes are registered to vote in real life are far more effective. Performative allyship, placing that black box in your feed and forgetting the daily struggle, is certainly much worse.

Which leads me to my job.

My words.

I may find it easier to share exactly how I feel, exactly how horrified I am, than others do. But I know others are feeling similarly.

It's critically important that your friends and family know who you are voting for so they do not feel so alone when going to the voting booth or mailing in ballots.

Be sure the people you love know it and know why it's important to you that they know. There is power in numbers. Power in knowing you have an army of people hoping decency reigns again.

So I share these words, so you can too.

In the last episode of Challenger: The Final Flight on Netflix, in which they recount the tragedy of the Challenger space shuttle explosion in 1986, then Vice President George Bush is caught off-guard while walking down a hall and asked what he thinks of the explosion.

It was a simple response. One in which he said he doesn't have the full details yet. One where he said he was sad and his heart goes out to the families of the astronauts on the space shuttle and for what they must be going through right now.

It was such an unremarkable response then. And yet, here in 2020, my husband and I both reached for the remote to hit pause so we could revel in the dignity.

It was a profound moment because we'd forgotten.

We've forgotten that sort of compassion that is critical to hold the office.

Compassion that is necessary when representing all of us.

When I vote in this election it is not just for me, for my party, for my taxes, for my stocks, for my family—it's for freakin' all of us.

Not Your Average Gal: Jen from Jen on a Jet Plane

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Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves from the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I'm excited to introduce you to some of them.

World, meet Jen of Jen on a Jet Plane. I became kindred spirits with Jen while living in South Florida and following her life back then of balancing being a full-time lawyer while also traveling the world.

She used to live on the west side of Florida and I’d often see her post about her east side road trips to my side of town. She gave me plenty of things to do even in my own city that I didn’t even know about.

But she doesn’t live in Florida anymore.

In fact, she’s not even practicing law full time anymore.

Get this.

She quit being a full-time lawyer, moved to Puerto Rico and (before COVID) travels for a living educating the masses about how they can work remotely and do the same.

She’s now a #1 Amazon best selling author, TedX speaker and TikTok extraordinaire.

I’m so incredibly grateful Jen is sharing her story with me. She’s most definitely a Not Your Average Gal you’ll enjoy learning from. Let’s go!

Jen Ruiz
Jen on a Jet Plane, Solo Female Traveler & Entrepreneur

What's your passion—the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

I love to travel the world solo and on a budget, and help others do the same.

When did you start this passion?

In 2017, I set out to take 12 trips in 12 months while employed full-time as an attorney before my 30th birthday. While I was professionally accomplished, I felt like I was lacking personally since I had failed to acquire a husband or start a family before the milestone birthday.

I’d tried countless dating apps and websites but the interactions all left me feeling depleted and devalued. So instead, I quit dating altogether and focused on making my travel goal a reality.

I ended up taking 20 trips in 12 months, finding deals that were too good to pass up, like a $38 flight to New Zealand and $16 flight to Ecuador. I wrote a book about finding cheap flights that become a #1 Amazon bestseller and 2018 Readers’ Favorite award winner. After that, I decided to quit practicing law and pursue my passion of traveling and writing. I’ve since given a TEDx talk about the power of flying solo, published a second book that cracked Amazon’s top 150 list overall, and have been feature by The Washington Post, Huffington Post and ABC News.

Do you make any income with your business?

My books provide me with a steady stream of passive income through Amazon royalties every month. I launched a companion course on affordable travel that did well and have also worked to monetize my blog by learning more about SEO best practices and increasing organic traffic to my site.

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

I quit my “day job” but I teach English online in the mornings to help pay the bills. It started out as a side gig and then became ideal when I transitioned to the digital nomad life as the pay is reliable and the hours are flexible. I can teach anywhere with decent WiFi. 

What lead you to your current path? (What was your previous job or background or experience that got you to where you are today?)

I used to work at a nonprofit law firm, and I enjoyed my job. I had great coworkers and a sense of purpose. However, I had to fight with people on a daily basis. Not a day would go by that I didn’t get stressed out or irrationally angry, and it didn’t seem sustainable. I practiced law for 5 years before I decided to make the switch. 

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

Surprisingly, my friends and family were very supportive. I even had a coworker buy me a book for Christmas about the business of being an author with the inscription, “Go ahead, be happy.” I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. 

What are 3 things that you've gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

  1. I’ve learned to enjoy life in all its stages, instead of wishing I could fast forward to the next.
  2. I’ve learned to be happy for my friends instead of resentful or envious that everyone I know is getting married or having a baby except for me.
  3. Lastly, I’ve learned that the world is filled with experiences that can make you feel whole, and that kindness and a smile can surpass all language barriers. 

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

I’m left handed, I took Chinese for three years in high school but can’t speak a lick of it, and I was once invited on stage to be David Copperfield’s magician’s assistance. Hobby-wise, aside from traveling and writing I love to read and get lost in completely non-productive books like a YA series or romance novel. Karen Moning’s fever series got me through law school — it’s a guilty pleasure!

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

Focus on what you have instead of what you’re lacking. I didn’t have a boyfriend, husband, children or even dog, but that meant that I had no one to tie me down, no obligations and complete freedom to go wherever I wanted. There’s always an upside if you’re willing to find it. 

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by?

“The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese.”
– Spencer Johnson, author of “Who Moved My Cheese?”

“The best adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.”
– Oprah

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
– Mark Twain

Be sure to follow all of Jen's adventures here:

Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.

How You Can Support Your Friend’s Small Business

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Sneak attack! Caught working on a layover in the lounge.

Oh God, the dreaded Facebook group invite. The one inviting you to another virtual party for jewelry, skin care, make-up, nail kits, magnetic eyelashes or what were those leggings called that everyone swore by but ended up being a total scheme and women lost thousand upon thousands of dollars…? LulaRoe!

Often when we talk about small businesses, these multi-level marketing businesses come to mind. Most likely because they are so in our face in across social media.

It certainly feels like everyone is selling something or has an ulterior motive when reaching out via direct message when I haven’t seen you in 20 years. I’m looking at you, acquaintance from middle school gym class.

It’s great that so many people have enjoyed the MLM field and I don’t want to bash the enthusiasm that is involved in that world (seriously, these women are often at a 10 when I need them at a 2). We support these friends, acquaintances (or rando mom I just met at my niece’s soccer game), by saying yes or kindly saying no. A Like on a page, joining their group or buying their products is how to support their adventures.

But, for sanity’s sake, those MLMs are not what I’m talking about when I refer to supporting small businesses.

(In fact, the darker side of MLMs has been published time and time again. I encourage you to read more about them here and here.)

When we talk about small businesses, we are referring to your friend who is a graphic designer on the side or sister that started selling products on Etsy or nephew that has a photography business or grandma that finally turned her passion into a brick-and-mortar bakery! Snickerdoodle cookies for the win.

We are talking about businesses that are not a subsidiary or associated with an overarching corporation that cuts the paychecks. We are talking about the blood, sweat and tears of starting from scratch and creating a product or service of your own.

It’s scary shit.

I’m a little over 2 years into running my own business and I’m still learning about some silly mistake that cost me money or figuring out marketing myself and my services. It’s a constantly evolving game that takes patience and grit. Pursing your lips grit. Big girl balls grit.

Grit.

So how do you support your friend with grit?

While discussing my business with friends and family, many often ask how it’s going—which BAM!—is the first on this list below. But sure as shit, the follow up question usually involves how they can help more if I open up that I’d like to add more clients or I’m struggling.

These tips below are a godsend to that friend crafting away in the evening to get another product out, writing witty words to attract more clients or holed away creating another masterpiece she hopes someone sees (and buys!) in time to make rent.

How You Can Support Your Friend’s Small Business

1) Ask how they’re doing.

It really is the simplest way you can support your small biz pals. I’m happy to talk about how things are going because 1) I’m an open book which means I will tell you about the delicious mac ‘n cheese I had standing my kitchen pantsless during my lunch break and 2) It keeps the people updated!

Going a step further is helpful too. Ask about their favorite client. Ask about any project wins they’ve had lately. Ask about how sales are going for the new product launch. Heck, ask about if they have anything really special they’re working on. As business owners, there’s typically 18 things going on the back of our minds and talking about it with someone outside the circle of our business world is super helpful!

2) Go to their social media pages—across all channels—and hit LIKE.

This nearly tied for the #1 slot. It certainly is possible to have a successful business without regular social media posts, but having a presence is key. Having an audience gives your biz that extra command of influence.

It’s those simple likes that can go a huge distance for a small business. Even better than following/liking their biz pages, is interacting on their posts.

Go on and follow mine:

Pro Tip: If you don’t want newsfeed clutter, like a page and then turn off notifications or hide their feed.

3) Talk about their business to friends who don’t know them.

I was at my niece’s 4th birthday party, chugging beer in a corner at Chuck E. Cheese, when my sister-in-law introduced me to one of her friends. Her face lit up. “Not Your Average Gal! I follow you!” It was a surreal moment for a Z-list celebrity like myself. But it was incredibly sweet because it meant my sister-in-law has spoken about me to her friend and the friend even recognized my beer-chugging ways…err…I mean…remembered I’m a copywriter who puts out fun-loving blog posts that she likes.

4) Refer their business.

This probably goes hand-in-hand with the one before. (But sometimes ours friends and family don’t need our small biz friend’s business, so it’s nice to even mention them.)

Cold, hard fact: A majority of my business is from referrals. Referrals from past clients, former colleagues, friends, family and even people I have met at travel blogging conferences. When you do good work, people remember and happy clients share happily. *adjusts halo*

Even if you think that it may not perfectly align with what product or service your friend may offer, refer away. Repeat after me: Refer away!

It can’t hurt at all. At all. AT ALL.

5) Share their business online.

Did your pal post about their newest product? A sale? A well-written blog? (Ah-hem.) Share that puppy!

It’s nearly better than word of mouth because after you speak about it (share it), it stays in internet history—like that bad photo of you riding Magic Mountain, your face-fat slammed to the back of your ears with such a forced smile that it looks like you may be taking a poop. Not that I know about that…

“Hey my friend sells these sweet notebook that I’ve given as gifts. She’s having a sale for the holidays. Take a looksie.”

“I couldn’t agree more with this. <insert friend’ name here> hit the nail on the head again with this post.”

That’s it. All it takes. You share everything the Kardashians are doing, everything your kids are doing—down to potty training pics—why not share your pal’s side hustle or small business?

6) Take some business cards.

My mother-in-law asked for some of my business cards once and I thought, “Damn. That’s a really good idea.” If your friend is just starting out or you’re at a store you love, grab some business cards. You never know when you may be exhibiting step # 3 and having the business card to back it up is gold.

7) Buy their products or services.

This one is last for a reason. Your support doesn’t have to be monetary. There are 6 other steps above that can go a long way towards a sale where you don’t have to be reaching for your wallet.

But, if you so happen to love their services or products, why not #shopsmall? As small businesses owners know, when you #shoplocal or purchase from a small business, you aren’t lining the pockets of a CEO that hasn’t set foot in the office for years and still can’t get Kyle’s goddamn name right. You’re helping the small guy or gal put some awesome services or creative products into the world.

The statistics behind small businesses are scary and daunting for any small business owner who knows them, especially now during COVID. The percentage of failure rates or profits after the first year (or five) would make anyone a bit nervous to dive into the business owner pool. But we did!

We did and we’re serving Mai Tai’s over in the shallow end, y’all!

Don’t think that your support goes unnoticed. I make it a point to thank people in-person and also online for their unwavering fandom. Every little bit can literally make a sale for your friend, even without buying one product.

Now go ahead and share this puppy with your social scrolling pals so we’re all on the same supportive page.

Moving in the Middle of a Pandemic + Saying Goodbye. Again.

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The act of picking up and moving again is so much more complex than the single word, “Goodbye,” would lead you to believe. If it was all that easy. Just wave goodbye and wash away the feelings that come along with closing chapters and moving on.

I’ve said goodbye to more people over the last 8 years than I care to admit. It’s a cruel byproduct of being married to a guy determined to graduate medical school, become a doctor and then complete residency. You pick up and move, in our case thousands of miles aways, every few years.

This time it feels utterly different.

I’ve said goodbye to Michigan before. It’s brutal to have to do it again.

The complexity of the emotions wrapped around this final goodbye can’t be summed up in one piece of writing. It’s taken years to get to this point. 13, if you’re counting.

This is the first move in 13 years that we decided on, not one dictated by the formalities of the medicine journey. We chose this. We decided to close the chapter of a place that both of us have called home for the majority of our lives.

That’s what makes these intricate emotions cut a bit deeper.

We want to move. We’ve planned for this. We busted our asses in our careers for just this type of adventurous opportunity.

That’s why the knot in my throat is a bit bigger.

This is it. We’re closing the chapter on the long journey to become a doctor.

This move is more final.

With that comes a complex wave of emotions that washes over me depending on the time of day, who I’ve just said goodbye to and what item I’ve just picked up and packed: sad, excited, scared, happy, nervous, content and anxious.

Toss in moving 4,400 miles during a global pandemic and starting a new life on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and you can imagine things have been a bit more complicated than other moves.

Not surprisingly, I’ve got my To Do Lists checked off and have everything lined up as best I can before we pick up our lives and move.

  • Flights
  • Fur baby quarantine and test results needed to relocated to Hawaii
  • Furnished home for 14-day quarantine
  • Movers
  • Car shipment
  • Cancel utilities
  • Forward mail
  • Donate all winter clothes *smirk*
  • Sell 50% of household goods (Yes, for real)
  • Finalize and go to all doctors appointments

This is all occurring when the world is nearly at a full-stop. Trying to get anything done logistically has been a slow, tedious and sometimes tequila-inducing journey.

Yet, those aren’t the things weighing heavy right now. I just waved goodbye to my husband as he left for his very last residency shift and I’m feeling all sort of things.

It’s the things we can’t check off on a list that lurk a bit more in the backs of our hearts and minds that matter most.

As we drove through the city where I spent my formative years growing up and then made our way downtown to Detroit, those sentimental bubbles of memories kept floating to the top.

From where I performed my first musical solo on stage to where I gave my high school graduation speech to where we had our first date and finally where we got engaged; which happened two weeks before we left Michigan the first time. You guessed it, on another move during this medicine journey.

As I wrote about here, so much has changed and yet, so much has remained the same.

In many ways I’ve moved on from my hometown and in other ways, I’ll always be intrinsically tied to this Midwestern safe haven.

My heart will always have a special spot for Detroit, a city that defines what true grit means and how transformation isn’t (necessarily) a beautiful process; but one sometimes filled with heartbreak as rebuilding shows a cruel inner workings of greed, social structures and racial inequalities.

I’ve realized as I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone time and time again with each move, that I get to experience what some may not—redefining what I imagined my life to be. Sure, it’s a privilege. That goes without saying for me. But, it’s also something that comes with a lot of heartache and resilience.

Something I’m reminded of each time I say goodbye.

Each time I have to residiscover where my favorite sour cream is in the new grocery store.

Each time I ask what the attire is for meeting new colleagues, not wanting to show up too over or underdressed.

Each time I reassess a new neighborhood running route.

Each time I look for local, progressive, social justice group meetings.

Each time I call friends and hear both good and bad news, without being able to hug them.

Each time I search for the perfect coffee shop to sit down and barrel through my words, expressing the barrage of emotions another move has brought on.

Each time I wonder if this move will take months or years for me to readjust and find a new circle of local friends.

Each time I get that nervous knot in my stomach that I’ll do or say something that completely shows I’m the new kid in town.

The life we imagine often sifts out these nuances of change. Moving to a tropical island in the middle of the ocean is an exotic adventure! The day-to-day of that may not be as adventurous or exotic as we reconcile this new life and chapter.

That’s okay.

More often than not the highlight reel we see on the interwebs only showcases the fabulous end result.

We wouldn’t be writing this new Hawaiian chapter without finishing our Midwestern one. It’s was a long chapter earmarked and full of highlighted paragraphs; one that has forever left an imprint on my heart.

One that gave me the courage to say yes to this new tropical chapter.

Here’s to more adventures and adjusting our sails in the seas of change.

Especially during a global pandemic.

Not Your Average Gal: Katie from Teranga Market

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Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves from the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I’m excited to introduce you to some of them.

Meet Katie of Teranga Market. I know Katie because our husbands are breaking free from the perils of an Emergency Medicine residency in less than 3 weeks.

I mean, I know her because our husbands both chose Emergency Medicine as their speciality and we get to hear the gross stories when they come home.

I mean, I know her because our husbands are in the same residency class in their 4-year Emergency Medicine program.

There, fixed it.

Since doctors aren’t known for their social prowess, I didn’t get to hang out with Katie as much as I’d like in the couple years that I’ve been back in Michigan. But, that said, the times we have hung out, we’ve hit it off like two writers who are silently judging your poor communication skills.

She’s a world traveler that can effortlessly tell a captivating story that has you both laughing and questioning your own story telling abilities.

When I saw she owned Teranga Market, whose tagline is, “Ending the cycle of poverty one scrunchie at a time,” I knew I had to ask her more because she’s certainly Not Your Average Gal.

Katie in 2009 during her first study abroad experience in Tours, France.
Hiking, wine, and discovery galore.

Katie Colpaert Allen
TerangaMarket, Owner

What's your passion—the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

I’m passionate about how travel and engaging meaningfully in “otherness” has the power to transform our minds, hearts, and lives. Since my very first international experience, I’ve been hooked to the growth, adventure, and powerful human connections that come from putting yourself in the way of difference and discomfort. The places I’ve chosen to plant myself (for up to a year at a time) are what make people categorize me as, to use their words, “weird,” “reckless,” “crazy,” or – if you’re a member of my very polite family – “different.” Some of those places include Saudi Arabia, Senegal (in West Africa), and a mostly-ignored small town in eastern France. I’ve traveled to over 30 countries total.

When did you start this passion?

There are several crystal clear moments I can remember that kindled my curiosity about the world outside of my small (and insular) hometown. Both occurred in middle school (when many of us begin our first round of existential crises, am I right?) The first moment was when I was sitting at my desk in class with a listless energy that only a pre-teen girl can exude, resting my head in my hands and vaguely eavesdropping on the girls sitting behind me. They were talking about an upcoming school dance, what they would wear, what boys they hoped would ask them out. I remember thinking, This again? Is this all there is? Why is everybody always talking about the same things? Why does everybody DO the same things? Do we all just go through life following some checklist where we go to school, get jobs, get married, have kids, and die, regretting the shade of pink we chose for our Snowcoming outfit in 7th grade? There has GOT to be more than this.

My world was really, really small at the time, and I was suffocating in it, but I didn't know yet what else was out there.

Fast forward a few months. A handful of students were crowded around a classmate who had just returned from a summer trip to Kenya (which, I should point out, is when I learned “Africa” was not a country). They were looking at photos of exotic-looking trees, huge mountains, and people who looked different from anyone I’d ever seen. As she described the trip, something cracked wide-open in me. I suddenly realized that I was not bound to a life that others before me had deemed “normal,” that I could choose or create my own path in life. For a 12-year-old mind, ripe and ready for learning, this was monumentally life-changing. Isn’t it incredible with just an ounce of exposure to difference can do to someone?

Over the next decade, I dove into learning about other countries, languages, and cultures. I became obsessed with Senegal when it got all of a paragraph in my French textbook freshman year. I couldn’t believe that a country in Africa was French-speaking! What else was out there that I didn’t know about? I couldn’t wait to graduate high school and get out of Dodge to start seeing and experiencing things for myself.

Little did I know then that the foundation had been set down for all that was to come over the next 20 years, including what led me to starting Teranga Market.

In 2014, Katie spent a year in Saudi Arabia teaching at a university for Health Sciences in Riyadh.

What lead you to your current path? (What was your previous job or background or experience that got you to where you are today?) 

When I finally escaped – I mean graduated – from high school, I lived life at 100 miles per hour for the next seven years, trying to see and experience as much of life as I could. I thrived in college, away from home for the first time, where I absorbed new information and ideas like a sponge, where I met people from all over the world, and where I felt like I belonged in a way I never had up until that point in my life. I studied for a summer in France, a semester in Senegal, and I spent a year in France after graduating working as a language assistant. During that time, I traveled to every surrounding country that I could. With every experience, my mind stretched and grew and would never return to what it had been before. And I wanted more.

I knew that whatever I was going to do in the “real world” after this, I needed it to include these mind-stretching elements – travel, language, culture, diversity, growth. I was fortunate to have spent 18 months during undergrad volunteering at a local refugee development center, and it's where I realized I could combine my interests and passions while doing something that served others, something that I knew I wanted in my work but didn't know what that would look like until I got that hands-on experience.

In the end, I ended up getting my Master's degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) because it would allow me to combine my passions as well as work in a role that served others. I got my first job in Saudi Arabia after graduate school, and after that year, I came back to Michigan and have spent the last six years teaching various subjects at several universities. I even spent two years in a non-teaching role that had me traveling internationally for more than two months per year across 20 countries.

In 2012, on her second trip to Senegal to attend Anne-Marie’s wedding as her witness.

During those 10 years, I stayed in close touch with a woman I met in Senegal named Anne-Marie who had become my best friend. When I left at the end of my study abroad program, I promised her I'd come back to attend her wedding, which I ended up doing three years later. Despite being on the other side of the world, she was always there for me when I needed her over the years, even as my French began to deteriorate from disuse; she could always understand me no matter how much I mixed up my verb tenses.

So, when life handed her a rough hand in 2018, I racked my brain for ways I could help. Long story short, despite having zero “qualifications,” I proposed that we start a business together that would allow her to work from home so she could watch her children, earn more than her current job at $7 for a grueling ten-hour day, and have things like medical benefits, maternity leave, retirement savings, professional development, and education benefits for her kids.

She enthusiastically agreed.

Many years before, Anne-Marie had wanted to become a seamstress. So, we revived that dream, set her up with a professional-grade sewing machine, and she set to teaching herself how to make all sorts of things (headbands, purses, skirts – you name it, and she'll figure out how to make it). While I was still working full-time, I'd spend what time I could discussing ideas with her, receiving small shipments and trying my hand at weekend craft shows or farmer's markets to sell her items. There, I quickly learned that I might have a place in all of this that I hadn't previously expected. I found that I not only loved being able to help my friend, but also teaching people about Senegal, sharing about the languages and culture there, and about the meaning of “Teranga,” which is Wolof for “hospitality,” something the Senegalese are famous for, and a word that also represents the human warmth they are equally known for.

In 2018, Katie’s work happily had her in Senegal for 48 hours, and it was the first time she got to see Anne-Marie in 5 years. They spent it catching up and having their first conversations about Teranga Market and picking out fabrics together at a local market.

I soon knew that I wanted to grow Teranga Market to not only include tangible goods that provided work and a better life for my friend, but I also wanted it to be a marketplace of ideas and cultural exchange. I realized that it had the potential to become a space where I could combine and explore all my passions through language lessons, educational programming, writing, photography, and – dream big – small group travel to Senegal one day, as people began asking me about that right from the beginning.

Two years have passed since then, and I am just wrapping up my first month of getting to work (almost) full-time on Teranga Market, having just finished my last semester of teaching, and it's been a wild ride. Literally overnight, I went from being an expert in my field to an absolute novice the next day, figuring out how to create a website, ship items, engage people on social media, and learn business jargon in my second language.

It's been humbling, it's been scary, it's been the adventure of a lifetime – and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do you make any income with your business?

Right now, 100% of Teranga Market profits go back to Anne-Marie. Those earnings from her handmade items are life-changing for her and will always go to her. As for me and my place in all of this and potential for future earnings, my goal is to continue building our platform and audience and ultimately publish a memoir about my semester in Senegal within the next 6 months. I'm also working on a series of children's books that I hope will help plant the seeds of curiosity and difference in young minds that I didn't get until I was much older. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

I just finished my last semester teaching at the University of Michigan, which was about the best ending I could hope for to this past decade of teaching and working in higher education. I am still teaching some private classes online and might experiment with creating some content in the future (English for Comedy Purposes, anyone?), but for now, I want to give Teranga Market and writing my full attention since it's the first opportunity I've had to do so, and I won't be wasting it!

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

Yes. From the beginning, up until now, and all along the way. But here's what I would say to the many people who called me “weird” for wanting to study in Senegal or “crazy” for wanting to live in Saudi Arabia or “reckless” for going on a self-created 8-city work tour in Nigeria:

Thank you. Thank you for doubting me and judging me because it only made me want to prove you wrong all the more. It only made me stronger and more determined, and it fueled my passion like wildfire over the years. Now, I'm better for it, and I'm in a position to support and cheer on those who want to have similar experiences but who might not react the same way to your doubts and judgement. Cheers!

March 2020: just before the pandemic, Katie and her husband spent a week in Senegal with Anne-Marie and her family. It was their second time to Senegal together and Katie’s 6th trip.

What are 3 things that you've gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

  1. I've learned that when people judge your decisions, it is a reflection of themselves, their fears, and their limitations – not yours.
  2. I've learned that it's never too late to start something new, or to start over as a novice after a decade of doing something else. You'll be surprised at how your previous experiences and skill sets will serve you in unexpected ways and allow you a unique perspective that others in the industry might not have and could set you apart.
  3. I've learned that authenticity requires vulnerability, which can suck. Yet at the same time, I've come to realize that I'm my own worst critic and many of the things I fear never come to fruition when I do end up putting myself out there. And perhaps most importantly, if my fear does come true – I've learned that I'm not only strong enough to handle it, but also to learn from it and be better because of it.

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

Let's see… I'm a pretty decent rock climber! I've been climbing for over 10 years and once had a full-page photo feature in the UK magazine “Climber” that a friend took when we spent the weekend climbing in the Saudi desert.

I also love making bookmarks and writing letters by hand.

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

I would tell them not to wait for permission from anyone or anything to start doing what they want to do. In a world full of degrees and credentials and certificates, it can feel like we have to “earn” the right to do something. You being alive is all the permission you need. So start creating, follow your curiosity, and fail forward. Learn as you go, find your tribe, and let go of the perfect “arrival” moment for that book or business or side hustle because there isn't one. The journey is the reward.

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by? (You can list several!)

I've had a notebook of inspirational quotes for years that I flip through when I find myself in a “stuck” moment. My most recent addition is:

“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Finally, these two quotes remind me to lean into the discomfort when times get tough and remember that that's where the good stuff happens (they're from the documentary 180 Degrees South, which I highly recommend):

“A friend once told me, ‘the best journeys answer questions that, in the beginning, you didn't even think to ask.'”

“…for me, adventure is when everything goes wrong. That's when the adventure starts.”

Be sure to follow all of Katie’s adventures here:

Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.

Do you know a Not Your Average Gal or Guy?Give me the deets!