Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

Soapbox

Mean Doesn’t Win.

By

In my happy place: London with an iced coffee.

“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality — it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen.”

– Conan O’brien during his last show

I realize this quote is probably a pop culture phenomenon now, but it has been sitting on my desk since the moment I decided to leave Corporate America and start my own business.

It sticks with me for many reasons, but the real heart-tugger portion is more about not getting exactly what you thought they were going to get.

For those that aren’t Conan fans, this was the last few lines he spoke on his very last, short lived tenure at the “Tonight Show.” It couldn’t have been an easy night for him. He had chosen to step down from his dream job as host when NBC decided to change the timeslot to make room for a Jay Leno program—a move that many fans, including Conan, thought would ruin the show.

He still spoke eloquently about his very valid disappointment, but left with his head held high. He wouldn’t let this hand of cards turn him into a miserable, cynical turd. Something that easily happens to each one of us, including myself.

I’ve experienced both sides of this: watching miserable people continue their tedious tirade of convincing everyone this world is awful and also being so deep in negativity myself that I catch myself thinking the absolute worst of people.

As women, we’re taught, from a young age to need to fight to be heard, noticed and given credit where credit is due in office settings. I’ve certainly seen a shift over the years, but it’s still not great. We still need to wave our hands and demand to take up the space we deserve. Often this creates unnecessary, internal catty competition; sometimes seeped in jealousy.

While in the midst of a full-on mean girls campaign at the expense of my name and reputation in an office many moons ago, I had to work hard at reminding myself that miserable souls do miserable things. I had to remind myself that the truth eventually shows itself, even if it takes months or years. I’m talking, deep-dive meditation, writing in my journal, hitting the dammit doll on the desk and not punching people in the face kind-of-hard-work.

Background: In what felt like the blink of an eye, kind connections and conversations, turned into keyboards furiously tapping when I walked in, messages minimized when I walked by and the distinct feeling that I was being actively iced out and made fun of. (My suspicions were later confirmed by other coworkers who eventually left the company as well.)

Eye rolls. Critical information withheld. Inaccurate information provided. Lies told to superiors.

It was awful.

Don’t be fooled into thinking I did nothing and sat idly by. I did stick up for myself at one point and stood up to one of the office bullies to remind her I knew of her shenanigans. I talked to management. I asked for help. I kept records and notes.

But, in the meantime, I kept my head down. Did the work.

Flew to NYC to pitch Louis Vuitton. Kept my head down more. Did the work some more.

Saved every penny we could. Kept my head down more. Did the work some more.

Won an international client and got zero credit for it. Continued to keep my head down. Worked. Focused on those in the office that collaborated well.

Maintained awesome connections with talented, creative souls in the office (even to this day). Worked some more. Saved some more. Kept my head down still.

One of my close girlfriends reminded me to “enjoy the jealousy,” walk in with my head held high and happily wave in their direction; knowing full well they would think I was dumb for seemingly not knowing what was going on, but knowing in my heart they are the sad ones instead. (Oh if it were only that easy.)

You know what’s saddest of all about it? That kind of cynicism and misery is such an awful way to live.

In fact, they picked apart this very blog. You know, the one which evolved into my own copywriting business.

From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely hope they are doing well. Really, truly, hand-to-heart. Why in the hell would I feel otherwise? Who would want to carry that spiteful burden?

I also hope, again from the bottom of my heart, they aren’t circling their next prey, ousting them and then treating their very presence like a virus no one wants to get.

Do better.

After saving some more, working some more and keeping my head down the day finally came.

I turned in my resignation and didn’t look back except to tell this story so others know they aren’t alone.

All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality — it doesn’t lead anywhere.

In its most general sense, and mental illness aside, it’s your job not to be a cynical jerk. It’s the easy route to gossip and to unleash cynical tropes about how someone may be different than you.

I’ve been caught up and whirled into the negativity at times, spewing out seemingly harmless jokes about others or believing a person was personally out to get me or not doing their best.

Was I correct sometimes? Yes. Was I incorrect sometimes? Yes. But, still, what a crap way to live and believe in others.

I once read—it was probably Brené Brown, yes 100% it was her—that it’s so much easier to believe everyone around you is just doing their best. Trusting that, believing that, will lead to so much less work on your shoulders to criticize and instead, help.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get.

There’s a scene in the often overlooked but awesome movie, Contact.

Laugh all you want, it’s a great flick!

Jodie Foster’s character, Dr. Ellie Arroway, has worked for decades as a scientist and finds strong evidence of extraterrestrial life. The moment she’s brought in to tell the world about it from the White House, her archnemesis literally steps in and steals the show. This was also the guy who tried to shut down her project and didn’t have great things to say to her about her work. He took her work, called it his own and got all the accolades.

I viscerally remember crying in the theaters at this scene. And it seems like such an innocuous one, no?

But even at that point in my young life, I had experienced people mocking me or stealing my work to copy and claim as their own. And man, that’s such a gut punch.

Dr. Arroway didn’t get what she thought she was going to get; what she deserved to get.

*raises fists*

How many times have you felt that too? Knowing with every fiber of your being that you deserved the credit, promotion or pay raise. It’s infuriating!

“But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen.”

Life often presents itself with a choice:

kindness

or

cynicism.

You know those people I mentioned above? They chose cynicism. They chose mean. They chose gossip.

Dr. Arroway continued to be her kind-self, as awful and frustrating as it was to watch from afar that the ahole got to do what she had worked towards.

You know what ended up happening to her archnemesis? He died.

Do I need to be that dramatic? No, but man, it sure gets the picture across, no?

*insert halo*

She eventually got to go on her mission too!

Mean didn’t win. The cynics didn’t win.

The truth will always, always, always—repeat after me—ALWAYS come out.

I’m sitting in my office running my own business pantsless from Hawaii about to go take a break and sit by the ocean. Who’s the real winner now?

There are so many times throughout our day we are tested and asked for a reaction of kindness. From that rude cashier to the jerk in the office.

Does that mean being taken advantage of? Heck no! Sometimes the most kind thing you can do is to set boundaries.

Goddammit Brené Brown, you’ve seeped into my soul.

But to respond, coming from a place of kindness, being yourself and sticking to the ethics you most value is a beautiful thing.

The Conan quote may seem like TV fodder. It may, at worst, even seem cliché. But for me, it’s a reminder that working hard and being kind go hand-in-freaking-hand.

Mean doesn’t win.

Mean doesn’t play the long game.

Mean is temporary.

You don’t need to dim the light of others to shine yourself.

The real victors are the kind ones.

That kind light will always be bright enough.

9 People Share Their Daily Pandemic Schedules

By

One of the best things I've discovered from running Not Your Average Gal is that we are far more alike than different. Since being somewhat socially isolated for nearly a year can often lead us to believe we're doing things alone or differently, I wanted to ask people to share what their daily schedules look like.

The common thread I found when asking questions about daily schedules is this: we're all taking it day-by-day. No one has the “right” answers. Some days are better than others. Some days give inklings of the days of pre-COVID yore. Some days mean eating mac ‘n cheese in my pajamas at 11 am with enough dry shampoo in my hair to start a fire if anyone dares light a match near me. Some just flat out resemble the chaotic, messy aftermath of a lively Jojo Siwa concert.

Take heed in knowing you're not alone and see how these 9 families have adjusted their daily schedules to meet the needs of ever-changing guidelines and an unrelenting pandemic.

Kristie Peterson

Las Vegas, Nevada

4th Grade Public School Teacher

Kids: Age 6

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

Wake up and get myself and my daughter ready for school. My husband also works from home, so at times we have breakfast together.  Then, we all head to our different rooms of the house to work. My husband is upstairs, daughter in the kitchen, and I'm in the dining room/playroom/now office. My husband's schedule changes depending on when he has meetings, so sometimes we have lunch together. Then, back to our designated areas.

While I'm teaching 36 4th graders online, I'm also helping my first grader. Many times her little miss independent attitude and sassiness drives me nuts, BUT I am thankful for her amazing teacher and her perseverance to do things on her own right now. Then, in the evenings, we all come together AGAIN. One of us usually takes our daughter for a walk or a bike ride to get out of the house, we run errands, and make and eat dinner.

Is this daily routine different now than when the pandemic first began? 

Beginning of the pandemic school wasn't nearly as structured. We were just trying to stay afloat. Teachers weren't grading anything and student attendance wasn't strongly monitored. 

Now, it is like we are at school, but all online. 

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

Watching my little social butterfly crave being with her friends.

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

Parents now realize what teachers really do!

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

I am the type of person who doesn't tend to enjoy a lot of change.  So, I tell myself, the only constant thing right now is change.  It makes me feel a little better….sort of. 

Favorite quote:

“We can do hard things.”

Glennon Doyle

Kamalpal (Paul) Roy

Walnut Creek, California

Environmental Functional Area Group Leader for Waste and Air Quality at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory

Kids: Ages 3 and 9 months

When did you first start getting scared/nervous about COVID-19?

When I read in early March that there was a cruise ship containing 3500 people in the port of Oakland (about 20 minutes from our home) with confirmed cases on board.

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

Mornings: Up at ~7:55AM, triage my inbox in bed, make coffee and breakfast, check if I have any meetings where I will be expected to have my camera on, and shower if needed. Attend my morning meetings via WebEx.

Afternoons: Routinely go for a long walk (~7500 steps with hills) with my wife in our neighborhood with our masks on, determine what we will have for lunch and dinner, and finish off my 1,000th WebEx of the day.

Evenings: Make either a cocktail or mocktail (depending on the level of pandemic fatigue experienced that day), try and fit in another walk with the boys, take the dogs out to the backyard, jump into the hot tub, and make dinner as a family (our kids are not all that helpful).

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

Not being able to see our family and friends, which includes the traveling aspect for us.

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

The birth of our second son, the time that I have spent with my family, and the new administration in the White House.  

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Treat your home office work life like you were still going to the office in person with respect to your children. Meaning, if you would not be able to get involved with caretaker issues with your children while you were at work, don't do it now just because you are home.

Favorite quote:

“This too shall pass.”

Medieval Persian Sufi poets

Meg McClure

London, England, UK

Former study abroad coordinator

When did you first start getting scared/nervous about COVID-19?

By mid-February, my workplace was beginning to put extra hygiene measures into place (extra signage, a hand sanitizing station in the building foyer, etc) and we were having weekly meetings to assess the situation. When our programs in Florence, Italy made the decision to send the students back to their homes in the US and continue the learning online at the end of February, this was a big line-in-the-sand moment.

Meanwhile, my friends in Italy (where I lived for most of my 20s) were reporting strict lockdown measures beginning to be put into action. It was around this time that I worried it would soon impact the UK – and a week later, I contracted the virus myself!

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

My day begins around 10AM. I’ve never been a morning person my whole life, so I’m enjoying leaning in to my natural circadian rhythms! My boyfriend brings me coffee in bed around 10AM; I read the newspaper online and sometimes have a phone call or two.

I make lunch for the both of us and either do some domestic things around the house, volunteer at a local food bank, spend time online job hunting or participating in market research; or take a walk/do some grocery shopping, depending on what day it is.

I make dinner for us 80% of the time; we generally eat around 7 and spend the evening watching movies or TV together or, in good weather, walking along the river or in the forest preserve near our apartment.

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

Not being able to see friends and family, and losing my job. I had been contemplating a career change anyway, but it’s been challenging, seeing my industry all but crumble in front of me. It will take awhile for study abroad to return to “normal,” and I don’t doubt it will have to find a new normal.

On more of a “first world problems” note, not being able to travel has been soul-destroying. Martin and I had high hopes of escaping to the Maldives or the Seychelles this winter, and that’s definitely not happening, given how things are going in the UK under lockdown. At present, it’s just not possible to even plan any trips, which is where I find joy!

Not singing has also been devastating for me. Although my choirs do online rehearsals and social events, I struggle with these – for me, nothing replaces the collective soul of singing together in the same room.

Looking back, what is your favorite memory of 2020?

There have been several socially distanced surprise visits to friends. I arranged with my best friend’s husband to pay her a surprise visit not long after she had her baby. When the time came, he coaxed her outside without telling her that she had a visitor; I was waiting in a mask, face shield and gloves! We spent a great afternoon catching up in her backyard – me 25 feet away under my own biohazard tent!

Another friend was shielding at home on Halloween, so three of our mutual friends and I put on Halloween costumes, stood in her front garden, scratched on her window like cats and when she opened the curtains, we did a choreographed dance to Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights”, one of her favorite songs. I prepared a “Love, Actually” esque homage with cue cards for another friend who was quarantining at home and stuck on her own on Christmas Eve, again from the safety of her front window. Finding creative ways to socialize without getting too close has been fun!

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Be kind to yourself! None of this is normal, and it’s OK to feel overwhelmed or under-energized. If you can’t quite manage to stick to a strict routine like you may have had in pre-plague days, hey – that’s OK.

Favorite quote:

“Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.”

 Oscar Wilde

Kendra Caralis

Grosse Pointe Woods, MI

High School Social Studies Teacher

Kids: Ages 9, 7 and 2

When did you first start getting scared/nervous?

We took the boys on a trip in February to London and Paris, and I was a little apprehensive but not too worried yet. Then the week before everything shut down, my dad got married in NC. We took the boys on a plane and I remember thinking, “Is this really a good idea?” We got home on a Monday, school shut down that Friday.

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

Well, the boys are back to hybrid, so it’s a little more normal. Some mornings we have to get them out the door for school, other mornings I leave without them and they are at home for the day doing async work. I don’t have to rush out to pick them up from school anymore so I’m actually able to stay at my school later in the evenings and do work. We still do dinner, and I work out more often now in order to destress.

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

Seeing our boys struggle in school has been tough. Some topics just don’t get done, and we have to be ok with that. This year is different, and we are doing the best we can. The other part was my gym closing. It had been my release and was a huge help with my mental health struggles. Not having that was a big big change. I’m thankful it’s been back open now since September.

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

So many more students know how to do things online for school. I can give assignments in our physical class and they know how to submit them. Less copies to make at school. I also was able to eat lunch like an adult instead of rushing during a quick lunch break at school. That was nice. 

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Be ready to adjust and change it. Make time for yourself as well. My time at the gym has been huge and necessary.

Favorite quote:

“I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world. ”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Judi Kwon

Rochester Hills, MI

Purchasing professional

Kids: Age 4

When did you first start getting scared/nervous? 

Just about right away.  My sister is an epidemiologist and with all the people I know in the medical field, I don't mess around. The last week I was in the office, I distinctly recall being in the ladies' room and hearing someone use the facilities and then walk out without washing her hands even though stores were ALREADY running out of disinfectant, hand sanitizer, and hand soap. Also, seeing people carry on with their plans for St Patty's day- We were doomed.

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

I start at 7am so I usually roll out of bed by 6:30/6:45.  I do get a workout outfit on or at least part of one because it makes it easier to get out the door for a midday or mid-afternoon run. In the summers I prefer a late-evening run. When it's nice out, we spend a lot of time outdoors as a family just taking care of things around the house.

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

Not having the OPTION to see friends.

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

RUNNING and my run friends, getting to know my new neighbors in Rochester through virtual groups.

Looking back, what is your favorite memory of 2020? 

Making myself run in the cold and heat and learning I can push myself further than I thought previously!

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Make time for yourself. Reach out to others who you care for and don't be afraid to call people out on their shit. Sometimes they need that reality slap.

Favorite quote:

“I stopped waiting for light at the end of the tunnel. I lit that bitch up myself.”

Adrienne Rönmark

Troy, MI

Violinist, Detroit Symphony Orchestra
Private Violin Teacher 
PR/Marketing Director Brookfield Academy Education Foundation

Kids: Ages 12, 10, 8

When did you first start getting scared/nervous?

I remember sitting on stage rehearsing Beethoven 9 with over 150 people including a chorus the day before the concerts were all cancelled. Schools had been shut down the week before, and we knew Covid was risky. We had a discussion onstage about whether we should proceed with the rehearsal since we knew that new emergency orders were coming out by the hour and there was a good chance the week's concerts would be cancelled. I just kept thinking about all of the people in the room, how close we all were and how much I was breathing in other people's air. Then I got the Emergency Alert stay at home order pushed to my Apple Watch during rehearsal. It was the most uncomfortable and nervous I've been in a long time, and my job is to perform for thousands of people multiple times a week. 😬

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

Kids are all virtual learners from home, so mornings are prepping them for the start of school. Periodic check ins during the day to make sure that technology is all working and they are logging on to the proper links at the right time. Constantly cooking (feeding three children at home is no joke, I swear they eat twice as much as they would at school…hello Costco delivery)! Afternoons are spent managing homework, organizing online tutoring sessions, and cooking dinner. Evenings I turn in early to push start again the next day. Usually fall asleep to YouTube gardening videos (my new hobby) to calm the mind and destress. Weekends are my work days, teaching online for DSO Civic Youth Ensembles, maintaining my private studio of young violinists, and recording recitals and donor relation videos for DSO. Any spare time is spent running fundraising campaigns for my kids' school's Education Foundation, as well as gardening!

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

The loneliness. Most days I don't talk to any adults other than my husband. I miss the casual social interactions at work, and I miss having moments of the day when I am not “in charge.”Being a parent is always 24/7, but being a working parent outside of the home gives you respite to know that someone else is caring for your kids for a few hours and you can mentally go “on call.”Being home 24/7 with kids AND having to balance work and their mental health, and my mental health…it's kind of a losing battle. As much as I am sincerely grateful for the time I've gained with my family this past year, I really look forward to filling my own bucket with some solitude and adult conversation!

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

Definitely getting to see my husband more! During a normal year his work schedule (he's VP and GM for DSO) is on overdrive and even though we work for the same organization, I never get to see him at work. Since March 2020 he has been working from home, and it's SO nice to feel a part of a team as well as have his humor to get through the day! Parenting is hard enough, but when you don't have a teammate to good cop/bad cop, it can absolutely put you under. I'm so thankful for our family game nights and movie nights, pizza Fridays, taco Tuesdays, and just all getting to be together during a time in their childhood when their school and individual interests would be moving them apart. 

Second best thing? Starting my vegetable garden! 

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

As tempting as it is since we are all in our pjs all day, DON'T CHECK EMAIL IN BED 😆 No, seriously. I constantly am revamping our bedroom to function as studio space/recording space/personal sanctuary space and it is SO important to have clear boundaries on where and when you do your work.

Favorite quote:

“To see and be seen. That is the truest nature of Love.”

brené Brown

Meghan Jameson

Evans, GA

Full-time mom, 2nd grade facilitator, preschool teacher, general contractor (major house renos), family barber, manager of Tidewater Solutions.

Kids: Ages 8 and 3

Which month did you start adjusting your day-to-day routine?

Day 1. As soon as schools were closed. I no longer went to work. The kids no longer went to school. My husband, Matt, was home, mostly all day every day. I barely even tried to continue teaching 1st grade to my daughter. There was no live instruction then, it was all on the parents and I was like, “Uhhhh yeah forget it.” And the videos that my son's preschool teachers sent over? So cute, but no freaking way. My daughter Face-timed with her friends for hours, I mean hours, every day. Prior to that she had never done that, or texted anyone, or even heard of Facebook messenger. 

I had no idea when the hell it would end. I did finance committee meetings for the theater that was my client in the garage from my car because it was the only place I could get peace and quiet. I worked from the kitchen table instead of the office so I could keep an eye on the kids while they destroyed the house. I was interrupted approximately every 5 minutes, and my kids watched way too much TV. When I was about to lose it, Matt would put them in the car and just drive. Nowhere to go, but he would just drive for hours. 

I was never meant to be a stay at home mom. I always said I wasn't cut out for it, and it was honestly terrifying to me that I had to figure out how to be a parent ALL. DAY. LONG. I had no idea what to do. Stay at home parents make plans. They have play dates. They get out of the house because not getting out MAKES YOU CRAZY. I LOVED my job, and all I wanted to do was go to work, not be home with my kids and try to be their everything. 

Over time, we started to visit with my parents again out of desperation for all of us, and that was a blessing. Finally being able to share the load of child-rearing with my parents and get a breath every now and then was huge. 

Things were getting worse with Matt's job, so he applied to about 60 jobs (we had an awesome resume writer, cough cough). I was still legitimately terrified of getting and dying from COVID. I have bad luck with that kind of thing and felt certain it would happen to me. 

Around August, our luck changed. Matt was offered the job of a lifetime as General Manager for a brand new theater in Evans, GA, which happened to be an hour from his parents. It truly felt too good to be true. He has to have been the only person in the entire country who was HIRED in the event industry during a pandemic. 

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

7:30AM Wake up, make coffee. Make cinnamon rolls, feed them to the children while they watch Disney+ on the couch. (survival mode, here still)

8:15AM — Matt leave for work (no more waking him up)

8:30AM — load both kids in the car. Count the school buses as we pass them. Drive past the llama farm. Drop my son off at preschool (we saved so much money not having childcare since March. We moved here and I put my son in a church preschool that costs 1/10 of the monthly charge I used to pay — unbelievable. Plus, my mother-in-law is thrilled because he says the blessing before dinner when they come to visit. So what if he thinks that his Baby Yoda is baby Jesus. He's learning).

9:00AM — stop at Gigi's and Papa's house, give them a hug, or stop for a donut if we didn't have cinnamon rolls for breakfast.

9:30AM —My daughter logs in to school from our bonus room in our new house. I thank the heavens every day for her teacher. I go sit in my newly renovated home office and work. My productivity level has increased dramatically since pre-pandemic. 

My daughter interrupts me periodically, but usually I don't mind. 

Sometimes she asks me to sit in the bonus room with her, and well, thank goodness for laptops. 

1PM: Son is out of school — Papa picks him up and they play at his house for the afternoon 

1:45PM — Lunchtime — if it's a nice day, we take the golf cart that we own now (we live near Augusta, GA in a golf cart neighborhood) to the neighborhood McDonald's. We blast the music, let the wind blow our hair and get some lunch and a coffee. 

2:30PM — My daughter is back to school, and I work until she is done at 4:15. 

The evenings vary. No activities yet, so we either cook as a family, eat at my parents, or get some take out. We've started to venture out to eat some now that all the grandparents are vaccinated (and we've had our first dose), but we discovered that dining out with a 3-year-old is still not that fun!!! He choked on a quesadilla the other night and puked all over me in a restaurant. During a pandemic. I may never make friends in this town. 

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Slow down. Do less, live in the moment. I always heard that, but it took a pandemic to force me to actually do it. Go easy on yourself.

Favorite quote:

“Leave judgement at the door, let curiosity in.”

Sean McKale

Ann Arbor, MI

Orthotist – I make and fit people with all types of braces. My specific team that I manage fits a lot of back braces on people with broken spines, and fit devices on people that have just gone through surgeries to help them to stay immobilized for healing. 

Kids: Ages 8 and 5

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

We are participating in a POD with two other families. In total we have 5 children, and how it works is that 1 parent is the host and then the 5 kids do their school work. Two kids are in the third grade, one is second, and two are in the young 5’s program at our local school. For me, that has meant I am working 4 day work weeks. 

In the fall, I was fortunate to have access to the eFMLA (e stands for emergency) that the federal government made available as were two of the other pod parents b/c they both work for the university. That meant I would work Mon-Thursday and then stay home with the kids on Friday. I am still covering the Pod on Fridays, but now am working 4-10hour shifts to be able to make it all work. Our Pod also gets together often after school on Wed-Fri where the kids continue to play together and we sit and have dinner together. It’s always nice to not have to prepare a meal or clean some dishes. But most importantly is the community aspect of splitting bread with one another. I really feel for the people/families doing this on their own.

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

The hardest thing is not being able to travel and see more family. My wife is from Toronto and we are missing a year in the life of cousins for our children, and not seeing their grandmother. A year is a long time in a young person’s life, and they have both changes so much. 

It is also difficult that they have not been in school and what that means for their own personal growth and learning. We have made the best of this situation, but it is not the best situation. 

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

The Flying Squirrel croquet club. Before Covid I would play garage pool with a group of dads in the neighborhood. Once COVID came about that put and end to that. It began getting warm in the spring and we understood social distancing and being outdoors would be alright. We began playing croquet on Thursday nights in the park next to my friend’s house. He strung up a large number of string lights amongst the tall oak tree’s and we gathered to play in whatever weather occurs. Being out there we have discovered living amongst the trees are some flying squirrels and whenever we saw one soar through the sky it would always bring some excitement to our evening. The fellowship and socialization has kept us all going throughout this, and having fun is such an important thing to do.

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Find your community, and ask for support. People can not do this on their own. I think we have been reasonable with our POD size but we are not alone on this, and the support from others has been amazing.

Favorite quote:

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

Theodore Roosevelt

Sarah Kennedy

Bloomington, IL

Stay at home mom, part-time dance teacher

Kids: Ages 9 & 11

Which month did you start adjusting your day-to-day routine?

I had to start right away in late March. All in person activities were canceled. I would work with my girls in the morning on school work. They didn't have much to do since the school had to assume the students didn't have a lot to work with at home. I started recording classes for my dance students and eventually moved to having Zoom classes. I learned really quick how to keep preschoolers attention for 30 minutes over Zoom. I have to give so much credit to teachers with virtual teaching. It's tough.

We had a lot more time on our hands as a family. My oldest didn't have 12 hours of gymnastics practice a week, my youngest didn't have in person dance or theater classes. We were home all the time except for doctor appointments. I went grocery shopping every other week. I didn't allow my daughters to play with friends. They got around that rule by sitting/playing by the fence with our neighbor on the other side. I have pictures of my girls playing Roblox with their neighbor friend, with them sitting on each side of our fence. One day in the spring they had a water balloon fight over the fence. (This was actually my oldest daughter's favorite memory of 2020, the daily meetups at the fence) Eventually, I gave in and let my daughters play with a small selected group of friends in the neighborhood outside.

Our area didn't start to open back up until June. At that point, my dance studio opened its doors to students, my oldest was able to return to gymnastics practice and my youngest was able to resume theater. I was super cautious with my dance students, I really emphasized staying apart and practicing Social Dis-Dancing.

What does your current daily routine look like for mornings, afternoons and evenings:

Our routines have almost all returned to pre-Covid, except my husband is still working from home. He really enjoys working from home and dreads the return. State Farm has only a few people who volunteered to return in office right now. He will be one of the last to return in office due to health conditions and being on the list to receive a kidney transplant.

The main difference is schooling. They began the school year completely virtual. The district was much better prepared to offer virtual learning. In October, the district switched to a hybrid schedule for all grades, 2 days in person, 3 days virtual. November we went full virtual again due to increasing cases. January, they returned to Hybrid. Finally in February, elementary is now in school 5 days a week. My oldest is at the middle school and only attends school in person 2 days a week, the other 3 days she is virtual.

All of our pre-covid activities have resumed. We just have to wear masks everywhere. I buy masks like cute socks. You can never have too many. I swear everytime I come home from the grocery store, I come home with another one, plus I make them too.

What is the toughest part of the pandemic?

The constant uncertainty and worry. I hate the feeling I have after each time I visit or drive my father (73yrs) to a doctor appointment. I'm always on edge those 5-7 days after a visit with him. It was so hard to see my dad, who doesn't quite comprehend completely what is going on, have to isolate so much. The residents had to stay in their rooms and eat all meals in room instead of in the dining hall. My father is a very social guy and it was very hard for him. I didn't have him over because with him living with other seniors I didn't want to expose them as well if he were to get sick. They have been able to relax restrictions in the building for the residents. They now rotate who eats in the dinning hall and they are allowed to use the common areas. Last week, they were finally able to vaccinate everyone in his building. That was a huge relief.

For my husband, it was the unexpected death of his father. It wasn't due to covid, it was a heart condition. It was difficult not being able to have the family together in the hospital. Once we knew he wasn't going to recover, the hospital did allow my husband and his brother to be there to support his mom and say goodbye to their dad. We were blessed that they were able to do that since so many others were not allowed to do that during the pandemic.

What is the best thing to come out of the pandemic?

Family time! We enjoyed tv series, movies, and games together. I loved not having to run someplace each night. The pandemic also placed a huge spotlight on what was available locally. We ordered take out from new restaurants.We really made a conscious effort to do our Christmas shopping locally. Funny thing, we actually tried not to order anything from Amazon over the pandemic.

My husband would say the best part is his mountain man beard and hair. We have only cut his hair once since March 2020, and that was because his mom made him for the funeral.

What is one piece of advice that you learned from your own day-to-day that could help others with their daily schedule?

Take it day by day, and be flexible and accepting.

Favorite quote:

“Everyday above ground is a great day.”

Pitbull, Time of our lives

A Battle Cry: 2020 Hasn’t Crushed Us.

By

Don't get me wrong, 2020 has pummeled us. 

2020 has held my head under water, yanked it back out by my hair and allowed me just enough air to catch my breath, right before shoving me back under again. 

But, I won't let it take me down. I'm a formidable contender, you know? 

Whatever fight I have left in me will body roll 2020 out of it's death grip, tossing it in the vast ocean of this relentless year. I will walk away from it, soaked, downtrodden but ready to toss my wet hair with the ferocity and precision of a sorority girl shooting another TikTok video.

Nope, 2020 won't crush me. 

It's in that browbeaten walk back to shore that perhaps I have the epiphany that makes this year not worth it necessarily, but one where we can all beat our chests and shake our fists up at the sky screaming—I made it! Maybe a little worse for the wear. Maybe more heartbroken than last year. Maybe grief stricken. But, we made it. 

2020 was perhaps the reminder we needed. 

Here’s your reminder: We can do hard things. 

I won't fill you feed with toxic positivity that we all learned something about life when so many of our fellow Americans have lost theirs. I won't downplay what a terrible year this was either. It was awful. 

But I will offer what little I know about the heart of a protector.

You. The protector.

When we were told to stay home, we protected our families.

When we were told school was canceled, we protected our children,

When we were told hundreds of thousands of our citizens were dying, we protected our neighborhoods.

When we were told to wear masks, we protected our communities.

When we were told voters were being suppressed, we protected our democracy.

When we were told we had to stay home more, adjust our schedules more, move more and more further away from when we'd be going back to normal, we protected our sanity with self-care.

When we were told we wouldn't have presidential results for weeks, maybe months, we protected our wine. Just me? I digress…

We had to slam the brakes of our normal lives and watch 2020 turn into a slow, catastrophic car wreck, while using our powerful “mom arm” technique, protecting our passenger and maybe yelling, “Not today, Satan!”

We've protected ourselves from the clutches of a relentless year.

We should be proud. 

You should be proud.

I should also mention that this doesn't mean 2020 has given me gut punches that would lead anybody with the wind knocked out of them, laying in the fetal position, questioning life.

After over a decade of sweat, tears, late nights and therapy sessions, mixed in with saving lives and caffeine IV drips, my husband finished his ER residency amongst the backdrop of a pandemic that took the lives of patients in a way he'd never seen.

Even now, today, nearly 10 months later, in quiet moments, like a soldier reliving his worst days of battle, he mentions just how scary those first months were. When no one had seen the likes of a virus like this. When patients came in struggling to breathe and died hours later in front of a team of brilliant minds. All of that, through all of it, he quietly put his head down and finished up the work and then waved goodbye to 4 years of his EM residency 6 months later. 

There was no big family graduation party. No huge blowout for this monumental feat. 

Less than a week later, we packed our home and moved over 4,500 miles away during a global pandemic. 

There was no huge going away party. No way to say goodbye to everyone in one, tear-filled party. (Although I did get to say goodbye in smaller groups.)

Now we're in the middle of paradise, the reward for the sacrifices and work from the last decade. And while we do not regret our move, it's been woefully lonely at times; unable to meet new people, join groups or even be able to connect with the people I love at times because of the time difference.

Not to mention the trips canceled, the birthdays missed, the holidays best-avoided and all the hugs desperately needed.

2020 is like perpetually drinking orange juice just after you've brushed your teeth.

I was watching a show last week—okay, it was the Real Housewives—and was reminded just how naive we were in those first few weeks of this pandemic and from that, just how far we've come. In a bizarre moment, it was almost endearing to see how people regulated their toilet paper use and thought the kids would only be home from school for a month.

I audibly giggled. 

Yes, I know that's a trauma response.

In a sick way, it has numbed us. We rarely blink at that statistics nowadays.

I encourage you to remember the early days, when we lived in absolute fear. The good fear; the fear that gives you pause not to touch a hot pan. We “only” thought 200,000 people could die and hearing that sent chills down our spines.

Now we're at over 300,000 lives lost. 

I urge you to read that statistic with the heart you started this year with, the one who clamored for normalcy in the first few weeks of our stay-at-home orders. 

It's shocking. It's unbelievable. It's gut wrenching.

And we've trudged through it. Adjusted our new normal. Braced for what is to come next while simultaneously hoping things just miraculously change.

Now is absolutely not the time to suggest what we can accomplish with the last weeks of this ungodly year. 

There are no trophies for who is the most productive right now. Plus, productivity looks different depending on the day. 

Sometimes it looks and feels like the rumblings of our past normal day-to-day life, only to be gut punched with the reminder of another patient diagnosed, another life lost or 100,000 new cases in one day while people protest wearing masks and call those of us who believe in science, sheeple. 

Sometimes it looks like taking a shower, putting on pants and simply checking off things that need to get done in order to carry you onto the next day. Even if that looks like feeding yourself something nutritious. 

It is not the time to assess your motivation for weight loss, your dedication to the gym or the drive to earn more money. 

Now is the time to be kind to yourself.

Like many of you, my weight has fluctuated throughout the pandemic. Right now, I'm grateful for still being able to get out and run. My pants may feel a bit snugger, but I'm not binge-eating my feelings (a win in my book). Some days I feel like my routine resembles the pre-pandemic gym days and I feel great. Some weeks, I don't want to get off my office chair or couch. My business initially took a hit, worried me and now I'm having to schedule work out for weeks because I'm so busy. 

The ebbs and flows of 2020 are real.

That sort of fluctuation is exhausting. 

But, I want to remind you how remarkable that is. How remarkable you are. 

We've been handed unprecedented daily tragedies. 

Extraordinary circumstances.

Unparalleled stress.

Do not dismiss that! 

2020 has not crushed me or you. 

We've done more than survived—we've overcome.

Decency Won. Disinformation Persists.

By

We just reached 242,000 deaths from COVID-19 tonight and it feels personal. It is personal.

I easily could have been in that number. My husband, especially, could have been in that number. 

As the majority of Americans are breathing a sigh of relief that an administration that catastrophically failed to protect 200,000+ of our citizens is done, what I'm hearing from those that still voted for it, is astonishing. 

“Good luck getting a vaccine under Biden's administration.”

“Good luck with your stimulus check now that McConnell won't work with those socialist Dems.”

“Good luck with rioting and looting and burning down our cities.”

Who would wish that on another person? Who would legitimately want things to not work out for our fellow citizens? Why is that sort of animosity for your neighbor acceptable? What about ‘Love thy neighbor’?

I didn't vote for a man. I voted for an office. I voted for dignity. I voted for better. For all of us.

I voted so you could have better healthcare.

So you could have equal representation under the law.

So your relatives from Muslim countries could meet their new grandkid.

I voted so you could have better education.

So you could have better access to testing for COVID-19.

So you could return to “life as normal” sooner rather than later.

I voted so science could dictate guidelines and conspiracy theories didn't.

I voted so we could take care of each other.

So my black and brown friends know that I believe their lives matter.

So our future doesn't seem so grim.

Because ultimately, I want all of us to do better and be better. 

I've learned through the last few years that facts, processes, procedures and the will of the American people are not enough for some. I've also learned that debating with those who want to refute the sky being blue is a pointless endeavor.

The age of disinformation persists. It's ugly. It nearly brought the downfall of our democracy. It doesn’t deter from Biden’s win.

It will not just magically go away to some new social media channel. But, I can do my best to provide relevant, factual information to those willing to learn more or adjust the hill they are willing to die on.

Dave Chappelle hosted Saturday Night Live this past weekend.

As a side note, I'm always in awe of how quickly creators can change scripts based on current events. As networks declared Joe Biden the President-elect, they had only hours to come up with new skits and scripts. 

Chappelle certainly has a knack for stinging comedy that reflects the current temperature of the country and he did not disappoint with his opening monologue, something I rewatched again last night. 

“Remember when I was here four years ago, how bad that felt? Remember that half the country right now still feels that way,” he said.

“Remember for the first time in the history of America, the life expectancy of white people is dropping because of heroin, suicide.”

“All these white people that feel that anguish, that pain, they're mad because they think nobody cares. Maybe they don't. Let me tell you something: I know how that feels, I promise you, I know how that feels. A police officer, every time you put your uniform on, you feel like you got a target on your back. You're appalled by the ingratitude when you would risk your life to save them. Oh man, believe me. Believe me, I know how that feels. Everyone knows how that feels.”

“But here's the difference between me and you: You guys hate each other for that. And I don't hate anybody. I just hate that feeling. That's what I fight through. That's what I suggest you fight through. You've got to find a way to live your life and forgive each other. You've got to find a way to find a way to find joy in your existence, in spite of the feeling.”

That struck me. Hard. 

I will not go on a diatribe about allowing racists to get away with saying their morals and the way they view another person is just a “difference of opinion.” 

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

Audre Lorde

But I will offer you this — in the throes of election anxiety this past summer and perhaps offering a glimpse into how nervous I was moving to an island during the middle of a pandemic, I sat in the middle of a Target parking lot talking to my therapist about how I felt over the phone.

That's nothing revealing, Caroline. She's your therapist. You pay her to talk about your damn feelings.

Ah, yes. But more specifically, I talked about how he makes me feel.

I admitted to her and myself that the way he speaks about minorities, the way he disregards women, the way he callously shrugs at lives lost, makes me feel something I don't often feel.

Hate. 

And I hated him for it. 

It drudged up feelings I, quite literally, have never felt before.

And ohhhhhh, I hated him for that. 

I hated me for it.

These were emotions I didn't know how to deal with because I hadn't felt them before and before I could accurately express that it felt gross, my therapist reminded me why.

“Because this isn't you. You don't like how it feels, because it isn't you.”

Damn, I'm glad I pay people who are smarter than me to break things down.

I didn't like it because on a visceral level, I knew these hateful feelings would devour me whole if I continued down that powerful path. You can be fueled by justice but not by hate for another person.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time

So, I stopped and reminded myself of what was and wasn't in my control. To deal with the pain his actions were causing.

As we've all learned, we can't control a madman destined to prop his narcissistic self up on the back of the very country in which he calls himself the leader. 

I can have some sense of control with how proactive and reactive I am to his hate.

That's when I decided to write. Oh, and did I write and write and write.  

That's when I broke my years-long social media hiatus of talking about Trump and the election specifically. 

I went back and forth about how much of it was yelling into an echo chamber and reminded myself that if even one person didn't feel so alone in who they were voting for, then it was worth it. 

And boy, was it worth it.

I caught a glimpse of democracy in action. People reaching out expressing their respectful opinions. Friends busting through comfort zones with a nod for the nudge talking about it gave them. Freedom lovers volunteering their precious time to get out the vote.

What I saw was others standing up to hate in their own ways. 

Because those of us who do remember how it felt four years ago, did not want to feel that way ever again and even on the very basic of levels, we know how the other side is feeling today. 

(That statement does not repudiate the hateful rhetoric that is often spewed by people who mimic their leader.)

But what I'm hoping it does, is remind us of the fear we felt that day and how much worse it could have been again after this election. Know—whether right or wrong—others are very much feeling that way today.

And I want better for them. Which is why I voted the way I did. 

You will not catch me raising a Biden flag outside our household. You won't see a “Biden 2020 – Fuck Your Feelings” bumper sticker on the back of my car. I won't be wearing a t-shirt painting broad strokes of an entire party by using buzzwords like communist or socialist. 

I will not let hate enter my bones because others are responding hatefully today. I will continue to talk out about the atrocities. Continue to speak about marginalized communities. 

But the hate ends here. With me. With you. With what we continue to do, day after day.

This doesn't mean that when they go low, we don't fight back. 

It means our mission doesn't end here.

Let their hate and disinformation define them.

Let our response and movement define us.

You Did Good, Kid. Thanks for Doing the Uncomfortable Work.

By

After nearly every election I put together a quick social media post thanking those among us who worked tirelessly in different aspects of campaigns.

If I'm being honest, it's usually the same people time and time again.

But, not this year.

I wanted to take a quick moment to say I realize how profoundly different this election feels and a lot of that is because of you.

You deserve some validation and appreciation for what you’ve done. Regardless of the outcome. (And please pass this along to those who could use some love.)

You're creating what I'm seeing amongst my circle, outside my circle and on this little corner of the interwebs.

What am I seeing? What does it look like?

It looks a lot like people moving outside their typical comfort zones. It sounds like people taking a stand and buckling down even with the fear they may offend someone they love. It looks like voting outside your party. Against what friends or family wanted. Against what your neighbors’ signs say.

It looks like integrity.

I’ve had conversations with women who reached out to me from my faith-based group with questions. We've had wonderful, open and honest conversations. I even opened an email dialogue with a wonderful, dear high school friend about what this election feels like and means. After a recent podcast interview, the host and I had nearly another entire conversation about our feelings on this upcoming election and our love (and fears) for this country. I've been “that friend” checking in to make sure my circle is registered and if they haven't voted, know where the ballot drop-off box is. I've watched people who normally don't participate, show how much they are this election. None of this has happened previously in any election.

So let me be the first or, perhaps, the only person to say—thank you.

I see you doing the uncomfortable work. The kind of work that means talking openly about things in ways you never have before. Do not forget—that's important work.

No matter the results of this election, please know, it does matter. Your temporary discomfort speaking your truth, matters.

You may find speaking up and out makes others uncomfortable because it's not your normal staying-out-of-politics stance. That's okay.

It's not your job to make others comfortable.

And man, that's a hard thing to embrace, especially as people-pleasing women. I often found myself so frustrated with friends and family who wouldn't take a stance if their life depended on it because it would make the other person more uncomfortable. Your only job in this entire world is to be yourself.

There is a difference between being intimidating and being intimidated.

Read that again.

Your (new) confidence and stance may be cause for catty gossip in bored circles of friends or for a myopic, misogynist Creative Director to tell you that you're intimidating. (Not that I have experience in either.)

If there's anyone to show you that you can still live a fulfilling life and still be confident without being intimidating, let it be me.

(If you're looking for someone who has it all together and figured out though, you may want to look elsewhere.)

For many, this election is far too important to sit back. It's been a wonderful thing to see after feeling like screaming into an abyss for the last 4 years. I certainly feel a bit less lonely and I hope you know how much that means to people who've been fighting the good fight for so long.

I also know what that may mean while doing the uncomfortable work. It means you may receive some pushback. Some are quiet. Some are passive aggressive. Some are blatant.

Please know that not all critics matter.

It's often hard to decipher that amongst the mix of political pundits, heated family debates and the epic silence of people you thought were friends.

I would like to quote one of my most favorite people in the history of ever, saying one of the best things in the history of ever.

“If you aren't in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback.”

Brene Brown

Not all of your critics carry the same weight.

Take that with you as you sail this uncharted territory. It's something I have to remind myself of often. Some days I'm better than others. Some days it stings.

The morning after another mass shooting, I was told to take down a post because I didn't have children, so I couldn't possibly understand the hurt. And yet, this person hadn't sat next to a mother who lost her son in a senseless mass shooting during one of my many meetings planning and coordinating care for gun violence survivors. This person wasn't actively organizing to help the parents and loved ones of those murdered in the Parkland shooting, right down the street from where I lived.

You know who did? I did.

I was told by a family member to not “get political” after I expressed admonishment and concern over Trump telling another man to grab women by the pussy. And yet, this person hadn't marched in the streets protesting sexism nor fought for equal speaking time.

You know who did? I did.

I recently saw that a once close friend of mine deleted me, yet another product of the most divisive election I've experienced in my life. But the thing is, I've been unfollowed, unfriended, blocked, muted and snoozed by people who aren't personally affected by what's going on in the world and my reminder it's not only about them that breaks their well-insulated bubble. And yet, these people haven't sat through a single grassroots meeting about how to make sure everyone’s voices are heard.

You know who did? I did.

I've been told “life goes on” in relation to COVID. And yet, these people haven't witnessed my husband's pain and tears after losing a patient to COVID or the frustration in his voice when people continue to gather and then spread this more in our communities, putting him, me and YOU more at risk. These people also didn't put together a donation drive for weeks, ensuring our ER staff was well fed and taken care of.

You know who did? I did.

In all the advocacy work I've done, I've learned whose opinion is important to me.

Courageous work is full of critics.

Thank YOU for doing the courageous work out there.

Please take a moment to thank those who have done the same. Take a hot second to share this blog with people who have taken a stance or knocked on doors or phone banked or voted outside their party.

Whether you've just jumped in or you've been awkwardly moving through it for years, it doesn't matter. You're here now and your work is important.

The work certainly isn't over after Election Day, regardless of the outcome.

My sincere hope is that democracy and unity prevail and I know I've done the work to show that's what I'd like.

I know you have too.

So, without a single shred of condescension in writing this sentence: I'm proud of you. Thank you.

Here's to America. Here's to democracy.

Not Your Average Gal: Falicia from FortyFive12Studios

By

Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves from the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I'm excited to introduce you to some of them.

World, meet Falicia Ann O’Mard.

Falicia and I lived on the same dorm floor together at Michigan State University—GO GREEN!

We lived in the artsy-fartsy dorm as some of the less-than-cool people used to refer to it. Our dorm was part of the Residential College in the Arts and Humanities on campus, which meant it was filled with amazing, charismatic and creative students. Even though I wasn’t living in the dorms for that specific college and program, I benefited by being surrounded by such affection for the arts.

Fun fact: Because of the friendships made there, I worked in the Art History Library for nearly my entire time in college.

I’ve enjoyed seeing Falicia impact so many lives as an educator. When you picture the ideal teacher—one who is kind, compassionate and breathes life into learning—you’ll see Falicia.

She recently opened an online art studio that has paintings selling out like mad! I knew after seeing them and the reason behind why she started the studio that I had to ask if she’d like to be featured. Lucky for you guys, she said yes.

I’m so incredibly grateful Falicia is sharing her story with us. She absolutely is a Not Your Average Gal you’ll enjoy learning from and knowing. Let’s go!

Falicia Ann O'Mard
FortyFive12Studios Owner & Activist-Educator

What's your passion—the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

I'm a social-justice-living, creative-spirit-having, teacher-ninja who loves to paint.

When did you start this passion?

I've been working in education for 15 years. I have been painting since I was a child. I started @fortyfive12studios during quarantine. Being cooped up at home really opened up more time to express my creative side. I've been working toward social justice inside and outside of the classroom since I moved to Atlanta in 2003.

I volunteer with Hands on Atlanta on a regular basis. Because of my consistent volunteerism over the last 17 years, I was asked to apply to be a Civic Leader. The Civic Leadership Program develops volunteers while supporting the needs of nonprofit agencies. I joined Hands On Atlanta's Civic Leadership Program in June 2016. This program was an opportunity for me to further my personal and professional development while serving the Atlanta community.

Through this program, I served as an ambassador for Hands On Atlanta. I connected people to passions and expanded the capacity of Hands On Atlanta's nonprofit partners by serving as a liaison between volunteers seeking service and nonprofits in need of volunteer managers.

I led volunteer service projects with Truly Living Well (East Point Location), which is a local organization that grows better communities by connecting people with the land through education, training, and demonstration of economic success in natural urban agriculture. I led volunteers in harvesting more than 30,000 pounds of food for the children and families in need in the poorest areas of Atlanta.

I was also selected from over 500 applicants as a Teacher-Author in the Teacher for Justice Grant Program. That means I create anti-racist and social justice resources for teachers and families. This has been my life's work so it was the perfect opportunity to share my knowledge.

The two resources that I created are now live too!  They are listed for grades 2-4 (the grant has a three grade level limit), but they are appropriate for grades K-5. 

Here's a link to each of them:

Do you make any income with your passion?

I do make income with my passion. I make income by selling my paintings and also via TeachersPayTeachers. My hope is to make enough income so that it can become my “day job.”

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

My day job is working as a Mathematics Instructional Specialist. I work with educators in “failing schools” to improve their craft and close academic gaps. I still work with children on a daily basis. I believe that children are the best agents for change. Though they are tiny, they have the power to change the world and it is my job as an educator to help them harness their strengths and use those passions and strengths for good. I accomplish this by incorporating real world situations into my classroom visits. I teach students about people that look like them, live like them, and/or speak like them that have changed the world. By connecting student's culture and their circumstances, the idea of impacting the world becomes a more attainable goal for the students that I work with. It also models educational activism for teachers in real time.

I not only expect students to change the world, I expect it of myself. That's why I volunteer. That's why I make the conscious decision to work at Title 1 schools. That's why, after working at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as an Epidemiology Fellow, I left that job and returned to teaching in Atlanta Public Schools. I saw the news about the cheating scandal and I knew that I could help those students achieve at a high level without cheating. I resigned from my job at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on a Wednesday and began teaching on Thursday. The expectation of being an agent for change is reflected in every way in my personal teaching style, the choices I've made and in the way I live my life.

What lead you to your current path? 

Growing up, my parents pushed me to be a doctor or engineer. I always knew that those career paths weren't for me. I would spend my time under the kitchen table drawing pictures after dinner while the rest of my family would watch TV. Further, I played with all of the kids in the neighborhood. My mom called me a “baby whisperer.” When I went to college, it was clear to me that I needed to follow my calling, education. Once I changed my major, I earned a 4.0 in every single college of education course. I wrote my philosophy of education at 21 years old and it still holds true. My dream then was to create a classroom full of tiny activists. I do that. Half way through my career, I took a detour and earned a Master of Public Health in Reproductive Health and Population Studies from Emory University. I worked at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for 4 years in the Division of Reproductive Health. The entire time I was working there, my heart kept calling me back to teaching.

Teaching is so rewarding, but comes with a lot of stress. Educating and loving other people’s children is an honor and I want to do it well. Part of that includes self care. When I returned to the classroom, my need to paint was undeniable. After a day of creating tiny activists, I came home and decompressed with a canvas and some paints.

Please check our her studio and art. Its incredible!
Pieces tend to sell out, so snag yours.

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

I haven't received any pushback from family and friends in pursuing my passion for art and social justice. In fact, they have encouraged me to do this for many years. My hubs thinks that I should open up an art studio. My sister thinks that I should write a book. Many people have told me to write a book.

What are 3 things that you've gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

Three things. It's hard to narrow it down to just three. I learned that painting is a form of therapy for me. When I paint, it allows me to get out everything that I am feeling that I may not have words for. I also learned that it is easier for me to paint for myself rather than for others. When I create something that flows organically it tends to better reflect me and I love it more. That's a huge metaphor for my life. Taking care of myself first isn't always something that has come naturally. Through painting, I have rediscovered self care.

One other thing that I have learned is that small actions can change the world. Sharing my knowledge of social justice and anti-racism helps to transform classrooms. It moves my work beyond my own four walls and makes it accessible to others. Not only that, but with quarantine and social distancing, many families are opting to homeschool. The social justice resources that I create are made so that anyone can pick them up and use them: families, teachers, tutors.

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

I love to travel! I've left the country every year since I was 20 years old. This year has been incredibly difficult because of travel restrictions and COVID-19, so it will be the first time that I’ve stayed in the states since 2000. My plan was to go to Greece to celebrate my 40th birthday, but that will have to wait until next year. So far, I've been to 25 countries. Costa Rica and Peru have been my favorites.

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

Just go for it.  If you wait for the moment when everything is perfect, you will be waiting forever.  And above all else, trust yourself.  Everyone will have words of wisdom, but what matters is what you think and how you live your life.

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by?

“Every child deserves a champion – an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be.”  – Rita Pierson.

This includes our inner child. Even though we grow up and mature, we cannot forget about our inner child. Maybe you are your own champion.  Maybe you are a champion for someone else. I have a picture of 5 year old me hanging in my office to remind myself of this quote. My art, my social justice work all harken back to this quote.

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Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.