Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

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The Ripple Effect of Taking a Stand

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But…what about your business?
What about your clients?
What if people unfollow you?
What if you get a nasty email?
What about alienating your loved ones?
What about screaming into an echo chamber?
What about Aunt Wilma who posts the most BIZARRE conspiracy theories?

The “What abouts” are real, guys.

These are all thoughts I've had; all thoughts expressed in my small business community too.

And yet, as I've mentioned before, from the tippy-tops of my toes to the roots now growing out of my head, I know not saying anything isn't an option for me. It feels grossly negligent to just stand by.

I'd like to gently nudge you in that direction.

Rachel Rodgers has a post today that inspired me enough to put down some words before I go for a run to clear my mind after WHAT AN ENTIRELY SHIT SHOW WEEK WAS THAT, YOU GUYS?!

Because, you see, that's what I do. I write.

It's my gift to you. As, “Let's all get in a circle and list 3 things we're grateful for,” as that sounds—that's my power. That's me sprinkling a little bit of infectious (for the love, not COVID-style) stardust on this corner of the interwebs, asking you to take pause, and reflect.

When you hide what makes you special, you become invisible. When you keep doing something that's not working just because you don't want to rock the boat, ultimately, you drown.

Rachel Rodgers

The kicker is: when you take a stand, make a statement or share your opinion, you often account for some sort of blow back in your life. 

That often comes in the form of friends and family. Our loved ones.

Defining your circle of friends and family can be a lifelong culling process, more often than not, reflecting how true to yourself you've been. Are these the people you choose to surround yourself with or those who are there by-proxy based on the facade you've presented yourself?

Ouch.

That can be why it's hard to take a stand. Harder to voice an opinion when you know you will offend. Why you may think it doesn't matter in the end. 

And here's the pain-point most often missed with that worry of the possible backlash: you'll be okay.

  • You'll be so okay that you'll revel in what finding your voice and rocking the boat feels like. 
  • You'll be so okay that you'll find out who admires your stance.
  • You'll be so okay that others will follow your footsteps and not only stand by your side, but hold your hand saying, “Thank you.”
  • You'll be so okay that the bravery it takes to speak your truth when you know you will offend someone, will provide rocket fuel for the next time you decide to karate chop the dreaded, Pollyanna, “let's not get political” territory. 

As you start defining these things about yourself, you naturally attract those to your circle who want to support and share in your ideals. Just by being you. Just by taking a stand.

So here's my stance:

I am voting for Joe Biden.

I do not think Donald Trump is fit to be president. Amongst many other things, he openly mocks POC, people with disabilities, women and more often than not, lies so much that we are left wondering if statements from the highest office in our country are accurate.

We absolutely cannot afford another 4 years like this.

I will absolutely not cast my vote for a third-party or write-in someone for an election this important. I certainly understand that not having a candidate that reflects my values entirely is frustrating, but I'm voting for more than just me.

(My qualms with the two-party system are something that deserves to be actively worked on during the 4 years of a presidency—not just discussed during election season.)

I will not worry what those statements may do to my business, my friends, my family, my next-door neighbor who so adorably blasts Hawaiian music while working in his garage because—

Here’s the reality:

Staying out of politics is a political move.

Staying silent to appease some out-dated business model is both irresponsible, offensive and short-sighted.

Staying quiet in order to remain affable and get more clients (money) is more a matter of character than politics.

Staying neutral screams a lot louder and says a lot more about you than you think.

My business. You. Me.

We deserve better than that. 

Taking a stand will cause a ripple effect because bravery has a way of doing that. 

Who are you willing to be? Who are you willing to offend?

Today, I’m asking you to be brave.

Words for Us: A Vote for We, Not Just Me.

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If you're finding yourself shouting that we've read about this in history books, we've seen how this plays out based on the past, we know where we are heading because we've watched other countries march into their future to the same vicious drum beat, then know you aren't alone.

I often find myself too frustrated for words, which says something as I'm paid to do it for a living. This frustration then turns into fear. Fear of not being able to accurately express myself. Fear of remaining relatable enough to both those who feel similarly so they know they aren't alone and those who may disagree but will continue to read.

Then that other fear rears its ugly head. The one where I add to the often misused and now politicized word: divisiveness.

So I don't write.

I avoid putting the words down.

I tell myself that the actions I take, whether that's donating to causes, marching the streets, encouraging people to vote are important—and they are—so that should be enough.

But, truth be told, for me, living my truth means putting it down into words.

A declaration in times like these is too crucial to be avoided.

It's imperative that people know where you stand.

And if you're murking in the shadows, feeling that it isn't right or the best time or your voice is just one amongst many or that you may offend people you love, I'd like to pause for a moment.

Perhaps sharing a personal story can show us that we are more alike than different right now.

I wasn't always declaring my Not Your Average Gal-ness. I desperately wanted to be “normal” and fit in during school, simultaneously embracing my quirks but also just wanting to be asked to the dance so I could feel like everyone else it seemed. (Key word being seemed.) I dealt with the blow back of saying what was right and wrong enough that I became somewhat of an outcast on one side of my family. That sort of rejection is painful, especially given it's family. It gave me pause for years as to what I should or shouldn't say in front of people in order to remain affable.

But the hard reality is, the truth exposes itself eventually. Whether that's from lies and secrets uncovering themselves, a product of ruthless erosion that time relentlessly provides. Or from enough people waving the white flag of exhaustion, their conscience unable to stomach the ugly bile of knowing what's right, what's true.

What happened was I found out quite quickly while telling my truths, that I wasn't alone. Sharing my thoughts only uncovered that shroud of secrecy in our similarities.

I'd hate to think I left someone feeling alone because I wasn’t willing to say something out loud.

So here we are.

The truth.

Founded, substantiated, not an opinion, not up for debate, not simply a preference, not simply a difference of opinion.

Science is real.
Black lives matter.
Rural America isn't stupid.
Women's rights are human rights.
The pandemic isn't a hoax.
Climate change is happening.
My ER doc husband and his hospital aren't getting kickbacks for COVID.
I watch too much reality TV.

None of these statements are political in nature. None. If you’ve been convinced otherwise—on either side—you've been conned. Hard stop.

Okay, I'll carry on…

On a fundamental level, people want to be heard, to be valued, to know their life matters.

Whether that manifests itself amongst often-forgotten rural America that idolizes a guy with a relatable no-holds-barred-approach, that sneers at the political elite and jeers at fellow Americans who don't look or talk like them. Or reveals itself through country-wide marches decrying the lack of value for black lives, systemic struggles amongst minorities, all while we watch another Black American murdered in broad daylight in our streets.

We're scared.

Scared about the loss of jobs, about a deadly disease, scared for the lives of our fellow citizens.

So it's the perfect moment for fear. It's the perfect moment to play into the worst amongst us, stroking it with a consoling hand that it isn't anyone else's fault, but that other guy's.

What happens when fear reigns supreme, is a blow-hard dives in and points to fellow citizens as the problem. It's the immigrants. It's China. It’s the government red-tape. It's women who are asking for it. It's not raking your leaves properly to prevent wide-spread, catastrophic wildfires. It's 200,000 lives lost because…it is what it is.

That's exactly what Donald Trump is doing. Playing into our worst fears. Giving it a voice.

So, I'm using mine.

This isn't the America I know. Frankly though, I didn't know it well enough before.

I love my country. Each time my flight descends and the squeaky wheels hit the runway announcing my arrival back into America, I feel a sense of calm and pride. Conservatives and republicans may tell you the liberal mob hates America, but the hard truth is, they do not own patriotism. (Oh, and I'm not in a liberal mob.) I may have serious issues with our American past, I may not like certain bills that are passed, I may fundamentally disagree with lots of politicians, but that certainly doesn’t mean I'm not grateful to be born here. Proud to put my hand over my heart and sing the national anthem or take a knee silently asking for change. I didn't understand Making America Great Again because it was already great in my mind. It's certainly been a harder stance to take as of late.

But, that shroud of my privileged, cushy life revealed itself as fellow Americans painfully decried this isn't the place they liked or the life they wanted for their children. On both sides, mind you.

(For what it's worth, the catchphrase Make America Great Again quite simply, by the words itself, means America isn't great.)

What we're witnessing now is slow descent away from democracy and the normalization of crude, compassion-less hate for fellow Americans. Political scientists are often left struggling to find another time in modern history where political decency has left the building and calling women nasty or Mexicans rapists is acceptable.

So we’re left with an election and a political call to arms: putting country over party.

Conservative family and friends have confided in me their regret for voting for Trump in 2016. That he does not represent the Republican party they joined decades ago. That his lack of political knowledge and all-out disdain for foreign policy scares them.

I'm left wondering, is that enough? Is that fear enough to get them to vote outside their typical party?

The fact is this is more than party-politics too. It's about the security of our nation, the fundamentals of democracy crumbling. Nearly 500 national security officials formally backed Biden this week, with some saying the announcement was political. They would be right. To publicly politically align with a candidate, when in the past that move would be considered a faux pas, is saying this goes beyond politics now.

It's about our country.

I'm not naive enough to think this small corner of the interwebs would do anything to change the all hail Trump crowd. As they've been told, either by political talking heads or Trump himself, you and me are the reason this country sucks so much. Anyone not a part of their crowd is somehow part of the liberal elite, the mainstream media and certainly isn't a proper Republican if they don't vote for Trump.

The two-party system leaves much to be desired. So much so that even when a man with the Presidential crest shrugs when questioned about hundreds of thousands of Americans dying, they are still left wondering if they can vote for the other party.

That's terrifying.

Biden certainly isn't my ideal candidate, but this election is about more than just me.

What I found as I marched in Washington in 2017, rallied to get out the vote in 2018, sat through hours-long Women's March, Moms Demand Action and Black Lives Matter meetings listening to women and men tell their experiences which profoundly altered my worldview and then marched alongside my black community for their lives in 2020—is that we all love our country and citizens enough to want better.

Wrapped in that nugget of love is the complexity of a modern revolution demanding to take place.

Your vote is part of that.

Your voice is part of that.

Your actions are part of that.

Silence can be deceiving. Especially on social media. As people have reminded me, their silence on social media shouldn’t be mistaken for condoning the current administration. Their actions of joining anti-racism groups, advocating for voting access and making sure nursing homes are registered to vote in real life are far more effective. Performative allyship, placing that black box in your feed and forgetting the daily struggle, is certainly much worse.

Which leads me to my job.

My words.

I may find it easier to share exactly how I feel, exactly how horrified I am, than others do. But I know others are feeling similarly.

It's critically important that your friends and family know who you are voting for so they do not feel so alone when going to the voting booth or mailing in ballots.

Be sure the people you love know it and know why it's important to you that they know. There is power in numbers. Power in knowing you have an army of people hoping decency reigns again.

So I share these words, so you can too.

In the last episode of Challenger: The Final Flight on Netflix, in which they recount the tragedy of the Challenger space shuttle explosion in 1986, then Vice President George Bush is caught off-guard while walking down a hall and asked what he thinks of the explosion.

It was a simple response. One in which he said he doesn't have the full details yet. One where he said he was sad and his heart goes out to the families of the astronauts on the space shuttle and for what they must be going through right now.

It was such an unremarkable response then. And yet, here in 2020, my husband and I both reached for the remote to hit pause so we could revel in the dignity.

It was a profound moment because we'd forgotten.

We've forgotten that sort of compassion that is critical to hold the office.

Compassion that is necessary when representing all of us.

When I vote in this election it is not just for me, for my party, for my taxes, for my stocks, for my family—it's for freakin' all of us.

Not Your Average Gal: Jen from Jen on a Jet Plane

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Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves from the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I'm excited to introduce you to some of them.

World, meet Jen of Jen on a Jet Plane. I became kindred spirits with Jen while living in South Florida and following her life back then of balancing being a full-time lawyer while also traveling the world.

She used to live on the west side of Florida and I’d often see her post about her east side road trips to my side of town. She gave me plenty of things to do even in my own city that I didn’t even know about.

But she doesn’t live in Florida anymore.

In fact, she’s not even practicing law full time anymore.

Get this.

She quit being a full-time lawyer, moved to Puerto Rico and (before COVID) travels for a living educating the masses about how they can work remotely and do the same.

She’s now a #1 Amazon best selling author, TedX speaker and TikTok extraordinaire.

I’m so incredibly grateful Jen is sharing her story with me. She’s most definitely a Not Your Average Gal you’ll enjoy learning from. Let’s go!

Jen Ruiz
Jen on a Jet Plane, Solo Female Traveler & Entrepreneur

What's your passion—the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

I love to travel the world solo and on a budget, and help others do the same.

When did you start this passion?

In 2017, I set out to take 12 trips in 12 months while employed full-time as an attorney before my 30th birthday. While I was professionally accomplished, I felt like I was lacking personally since I had failed to acquire a husband or start a family before the milestone birthday.

I’d tried countless dating apps and websites but the interactions all left me feeling depleted and devalued. So instead, I quit dating altogether and focused on making my travel goal a reality.

I ended up taking 20 trips in 12 months, finding deals that were too good to pass up, like a $38 flight to New Zealand and $16 flight to Ecuador. I wrote a book about finding cheap flights that become a #1 Amazon bestseller and 2018 Readers’ Favorite award winner. After that, I decided to quit practicing law and pursue my passion of traveling and writing. I’ve since given a TEDx talk about the power of flying solo, published a second book that cracked Amazon’s top 150 list overall, and have been feature by The Washington Post, Huffington Post and ABC News.

Do you make any income with your business?

My books provide me with a steady stream of passive income through Amazon royalties every month. I launched a companion course on affordable travel that did well and have also worked to monetize my blog by learning more about SEO best practices and increasing organic traffic to my site.

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

I quit my “day job” but I teach English online in the mornings to help pay the bills. It started out as a side gig and then became ideal when I transitioned to the digital nomad life as the pay is reliable and the hours are flexible. I can teach anywhere with decent WiFi. 

What lead you to your current path? (What was your previous job or background or experience that got you to where you are today?)

I used to work at a nonprofit law firm, and I enjoyed my job. I had great coworkers and a sense of purpose. However, I had to fight with people on a daily basis. Not a day would go by that I didn’t get stressed out or irrationally angry, and it didn’t seem sustainable. I practiced law for 5 years before I decided to make the switch. 

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

Surprisingly, my friends and family were very supportive. I even had a coworker buy me a book for Christmas about the business of being an author with the inscription, “Go ahead, be happy.” I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. 

What are 3 things that you've gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

  1. I’ve learned to enjoy life in all its stages, instead of wishing I could fast forward to the next.
  2. I’ve learned to be happy for my friends instead of resentful or envious that everyone I know is getting married or having a baby except for me.
  3. Lastly, I’ve learned that the world is filled with experiences that can make you feel whole, and that kindness and a smile can surpass all language barriers. 

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

I’m left handed, I took Chinese for three years in high school but can’t speak a lick of it, and I was once invited on stage to be David Copperfield’s magician’s assistance. Hobby-wise, aside from traveling and writing I love to read and get lost in completely non-productive books like a YA series or romance novel. Karen Moning’s fever series got me through law school — it’s a guilty pleasure!

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

Focus on what you have instead of what you’re lacking. I didn’t have a boyfriend, husband, children or even dog, but that meant that I had no one to tie me down, no obligations and complete freedom to go wherever I wanted. There’s always an upside if you’re willing to find it. 

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by?

“The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese.”
– Spencer Johnson, author of “Who Moved My Cheese?”

“The best adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.”
– Oprah

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
– Mark Twain

Be sure to follow all of Jen's adventures here:

Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.

How You Can Support Your Friend’s Small Business

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Sneak attack! Caught working on a layover in the lounge.

Oh God, the dreaded Facebook group invite. The one inviting you to another virtual party for jewelry, skin care, make-up, nail kits, magnetic eyelashes or what were those leggings called that everyone swore by but ended up being a total scheme and women lost thousand upon thousands of dollars…? LulaRoe!

Often when we talk about small businesses, these multi-level marketing businesses come to mind. Most likely because they are so in our face in across social media.

It certainly feels like everyone is selling something or has an ulterior motive when reaching out via direct message when I haven’t seen you in 20 years. I’m looking at you, acquaintance from middle school gym class.

It’s great that so many people have enjoyed the MLM field and I don’t want to bash the enthusiasm that is involved in that world (seriously, these women are often at a 10 when I need them at a 2). We support these friends, acquaintances (or rando mom I just met at my niece’s soccer game), by saying yes or kindly saying no. A Like on a page, joining their group or buying their products is how to support their adventures.

But, for sanity’s sake, those MLMs are not what I’m talking about when I refer to supporting small businesses.

(In fact, the darker side of MLMs has been published time and time again. I encourage you to read more about them here and here.)

When we talk about small businesses, we are referring to your friend who is a graphic designer on the side or sister that started selling products on Etsy or nephew that has a photography business or grandma that finally turned her passion into a brick-and-mortar bakery! Snickerdoodle cookies for the win.

We are talking about businesses that are not a subsidiary or associated with an overarching corporation that cuts the paychecks. We are talking about the blood, sweat and tears of starting from scratch and creating a product or service of your own.

It’s scary shit.

I’m a little over 2 years into running my own business and I’m still learning about some silly mistake that cost me money or figuring out marketing myself and my services. It’s a constantly evolving game that takes patience and grit. Pursing your lips grit. Big girl balls grit.

Grit.

So how do you support your friend with grit?

While discussing my business with friends and family, many often ask how it’s going—which BAM!—is the first on this list below. But sure as shit, the follow up question usually involves how they can help more if I open up that I’d like to add more clients or I’m struggling.

These tips below are a godsend to that friend crafting away in the evening to get another product out, writing witty words to attract more clients or holed away creating another masterpiece she hopes someone sees (and buys!) in time to make rent.

How You Can Support Your Friend’s Small Business

1) Ask how they’re doing.

It really is the simplest way you can support your small biz pals. I’m happy to talk about how things are going because 1) I’m an open book which means I will tell you about the delicious mac ‘n cheese I had standing my kitchen pantsless during my lunch break and 2) It keeps the people updated!

Going a step further is helpful too. Ask about their favorite client. Ask about any project wins they’ve had lately. Ask about how sales are going for the new product launch. Heck, ask about if they have anything really special they’re working on. As business owners, there’s typically 18 things going on the back of our minds and talking about it with someone outside the circle of our business world is super helpful!

2) Go to their social media pages—across all channels—and hit LIKE.

This nearly tied for the #1 slot. It certainly is possible to have a successful business without regular social media posts, but having a presence is key. Having an audience gives your biz that extra command of influence.

It’s those simple likes that can go a huge distance for a small business. Even better than following/liking their biz pages, is interacting on their posts.

Go on and follow mine:

Pro Tip: If you don’t want newsfeed clutter, like a page and then turn off notifications or hide their feed.

3) Talk about their business to friends who don’t know them.

I was at my niece’s 4th birthday party, chugging beer in a corner at Chuck E. Cheese, when my sister-in-law introduced me to one of her friends. Her face lit up. “Not Your Average Gal! I follow you!” It was a surreal moment for a Z-list celebrity like myself. But it was incredibly sweet because it meant my sister-in-law has spoken about me to her friend and the friend even recognized my beer-chugging ways…err…I mean…remembered I’m a copywriter who puts out fun-loving blog posts that she likes.

4) Refer their business.

This probably goes hand-in-hand with the one before. (But sometimes ours friends and family don’t need our small biz friend’s business, so it’s nice to even mention them.)

Cold, hard fact: A majority of my business is from referrals. Referrals from past clients, former colleagues, friends, family and even people I have met at travel blogging conferences. When you do good work, people remember and happy clients share happily. *adjusts halo*

Even if you think that it may not perfectly align with what product or service your friend may offer, refer away. Repeat after me: Refer away!

It can’t hurt at all. At all. AT ALL.

5) Share their business online.

Did your pal post about their newest product? A sale? A well-written blog? (Ah-hem.) Share that puppy!

It’s nearly better than word of mouth because after you speak about it (share it), it stays in internet history—like that bad photo of you riding Magic Mountain, your face-fat slammed to the back of your ears with such a forced smile that it looks like you may be taking a poop. Not that I know about that…

“Hey my friend sells these sweet notebook that I’ve given as gifts. She’s having a sale for the holidays. Take a looksie.”

“I couldn’t agree more with this. <insert friend’ name here> hit the nail on the head again with this post.”

That’s it. All it takes. You share everything the Kardashians are doing, everything your kids are doing—down to potty training pics—why not share your pal’s side hustle or small business?

6) Take some business cards.

My mother-in-law asked for some of my business cards once and I thought, “Damn. That’s a really good idea.” If your friend is just starting out or you’re at a store you love, grab some business cards. You never know when you may be exhibiting step # 3 and having the business card to back it up is gold.

7) Buy their products or services.

This one is last for a reason. Your support doesn’t have to be monetary. There are 6 other steps above that can go a long way towards a sale where you don’t have to be reaching for your wallet.

But, if you so happen to love their services or products, why not #shopsmall? As small businesses owners know, when you #shoplocal or purchase from a small business, you aren’t lining the pockets of a CEO that hasn’t set foot in the office for years and still can’t get Kyle’s goddamn name right. You’re helping the small guy or gal put some awesome services or creative products into the world.

The statistics behind small businesses are scary and daunting for any small business owner who knows them, especially now during COVID. The percentage of failure rates or profits after the first year (or five) would make anyone a bit nervous to dive into the business owner pool. But we did!

We did and we’re serving Mai Tai’s over in the shallow end, y’all!

Don’t think that your support goes unnoticed. I make it a point to thank people in-person and also online for their unwavering fandom. Every little bit can literally make a sale for your friend, even without buying one product.

Now go ahead and share this puppy with your social scrolling pals so we’re all on the same supportive page.

Cruise vs. All-Inclusive. The Ultimate Showdown.

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Up until 7 years ago, I had not done the cruise thing nor stepped foot in a resort. I know, I know. I lead such a deprived life. Let me tell you, neither of these events were life changing, so if you haven’t done either—it’s cool, you can still sit with us at the lunch table.

That said, I would easily do one of these things time and time again, and the other? Well, it would need to be a great deal, good location or something friends or family had organized for me to partake.

#snottytraveler, engage.

To show I’m not as cynical as the last conversation I had with my therapist would lead you to believe, I’m going to list out the positives of both an all-inclusive resort and a cruise.

Ultimately, what this boils down to is your: travel style.

There are pros and cons to both options, but what you want out of each trip will simply be personal preferences. Like, silver tequila. Who drinks that gold shit? Moving on…

All-Inclusive Resorts

An individualized welcome

Many resorts have a loyalty program, which means you get a separate check-in where they’ll chat with you to confirm details, get to know what you’d like to do and offer any upgrades.

You choose your length of stay

If you only have time for a 3-day stay. Do it. How about 10? Do it. I’ve tried to book for 6 months, but the booking system and for some odd reason, the hubster, said no.

Options to earn points

Many resorts are part of larger hotel programs, which earn you points. But the biggest benefit is, many of these resorts allow you to transfer points from different programs, such as Chase Ultimate Rewards. We transfer our UR points to Hyatt, then book through there. We’ve stayed for super cheap!

All of the food and drinks

Grab your drink and go on a beach walk

Each resorts has several restaurant options from casual buffets to the arduous task of having to put on real shoes to have dinner at the Chef’s Table. Many times, the resorts will have theme nights for certain restaurants so you can plan your meals according to how feisty you’re feeling. Plus, since it’s all-inclusive, you can eat your heart out. There are options for upgrades to better steak or wine for a price, but we’ve never felt it necessary with all the good options.

Explore the local area

Since you’re staying in one place, you’ll have the opportunity to take day-trips around the area or head into the downtown area of the city you’re resort is located. Most all-inclusive resorts will provide you their recommendations for quality tour guides. Some of our fondest memories were from checking out Mayan ruins and eating tacos with locals for the afternoon, without feeling the need to be rushed.

Large pool area

Have you seen the pools at all-inclusives? I’m sure there are exceptions, but in most cases, they are HUGE. These expansive landscapes means you can pee in one side of the pool and never worry your family across the way is wading through it. Wait, what? Nevermind… Mainly the benefit of this means, there’s more seating areas and beach chairs. That gives plenty of people the benefit of not having to play the “reserved seat” game.

Stay in one place

This balcony also had a hammock!

No scheduled meetings or itineraries here! You can literally sit by the pool, margarita in one hand, some terrible romance novel in the other and not speak to a soul or leave if you want to.

Options to relax or go hard

By staying in one place, you get to relax. By the second day at our last all-inclusive my husband said, “So you just want to sit by the pool and read again?” Yes. Yes, I do. We took our optional day trips and even headed into town, so walking back to the resort was always a zen feeling of—Ommmmm, I’m home. But, had we wanted to, there are plenty of options to party-it-out or dancing until you get boob sweat. With a resort, you get to pick your own pace of things and how often or how little you want to do them.

Cruises

Check-in breeze

Both cruises I’ve been on had a nearly flawless, less-than-5-minute check-in process. Sign your name that you’re not going to infect the entire ship with noro-virus and walk right onto the ship to find your room. I’m very curious what the process will be now during COVID travels. Provide a negative test within 72 hours of embarkment?

Loyalty program

All cruise lines have loyalty program and while I’ve never used them or been an advocate for their programs or branded credit cards, some people who only do cruises have a lot of success. So congrats, your current trip will earn you some points!

All of the food and drinks

Baby Not You Average Gal and Hubster

A previous Creative Director of mine described the last cruise he was on as a floating cafeteria. While hysterical, he’s pretty darn accurate. You have tons of options at legitimately any time. There’s buffets and restaurants and quick-eats on every single level of the ship it seems. Oh, and bars too, don’t forget. You will not be fraut for choices here.

Hit many places in one trip

This is the whole point of a cruise…to cruise to new destinations. From 4 days to 14 days, you can hit up as few as 2 cities or islands or as many as a round-the-world cruise will allow! For shorter cruises, you often get the afternoon in a place, but with longer cruises, you can get a day or two in one location.

Options to relax or go hard

Cruises are best shared with friends.

If you want to stay on the ship the entire time and never leave the pool bar, do it. If you want to be up at the butt crack of dawn for some power yoga, then shopping on the streets of Rome, do it! Your presence (aside from the muster drill) is not required at anything.

Itineraries galore

You’ll have hourly options for fun from the moment you set foot on the ship. As part of your check in, you’re handed a big ol’ sheet with columns of goodies. Depending on your cruise line and destinations, you will also be told when you can leave the ship and when you need to be back on it so they don’t leave your late butt behind.

Meet lots of people, for better or worse

You’re on a ship with thousands of people. Everyone is a transplant when in international waters, so for better or worse, you’ll get to know people. We met plenty of fun characters on both our cruises. I’ve heard of friends and family taking cruises that were undersold, but more often than not, these puppies go out to sea with packed with people. (Pre-COVID.)

Maybe you guessed, but when it comes to a vacation choice, my vote will typically be for an all-inclusive resort. Again, as I mentioned above, this is based on my travel style. Some people puffy-heart-love cruises and couldn’t imagine staying in one place for days at a time. Good on them. Or good for her, not for me.

If you think I didn’t give cruises a fair shot, I did, in fact, give it another college try by going on my second cruise and afterwards still felt the same. There are some reasons for this, that again boil down to personal preferences that you can read below.

Pools

My happy place.

Remember how I mentioned cruises pack those puppies with people. Well they all meet at the pool. Finding a refreshing portion of the pool that isn’t bathwater warm or occupied is tough on cruises. Even the pool decks are packed, leaving very few seats available. Yes, you can hang by the pool all day, but weaving in and out of people to get a drink or get to the hot tub isn’t my idea of relaxing. This thought gives me the heebie jeebies during COVID.

An all-inclusive pool at least lets you catch your breath. You often don’t need to wake up to snag a chair and the pools are much bigger than what they can fit on a ship. I spend most of my time at the pool or beach, so being at a resort maximizes this preference.

Food at an all-inclusive is better

I had good meals on my cruises. But I had memorable ones at the all-inclusive resorts we’ve stayed at. When you’re not loading a ship to feed thousands of people each night, the food can be fresher and more local. I know that cruise lines are doing a lot to get in on the farm-to-table movement, but resorts already have a leg up on them because they are in one location and and source from it. I also didn’t feel like a number as much during dinners at all-inclusives. We weren’t being rushed out or fit into a time slot and the specials were different every night.

Wanting to spend more time in one place

With cruises, it often feels like rush, rush, rush, chill, rush back, rush back, rush back. With being chauffeured around from a tender to a taxi, there’s always this feeling that I don’t have enough time. (Probably because it isn’t on my schedule. Control issues.) Not to mention, you’re dealing with thousands of other people wanting to take advantage and spend the most time possible doing the same things as you.

The herding mentality

If you didn’t guess it by the name of this site, I typically don’t go with the grain. The herding mentality of cruise ships is tough for me. Go, go, go! Get in line. Wait here. Okay, now you can move.

You also see the worst of people when they’re packed into smaller spaces, trying to get somewhere. You know what that looks like: pushing, cutting in line, complaining. Often this is because someone isn’t paying attention, which adds to the tension in the atmosphere. I found myself saying a lot, “Get. moving. Come. on.”

The need to do it all & FOMO

Since cruises offer such extensive options when you’re at-port somewhere, passengers are often left feeling like they need leave because you’re on a cruise with that wonderful option. If I’m in relaxing vacation whose sole intention is to chill (read: not climbing temples in Ankor Wat, Cambodia), then I want to do just that and not feel like I’m missing out on a good opportunity and waisting money by not doing it.

Some people are way better at this than me, admittedly. I know people who never get off the ship. But, my traveling heart couldn’t take it if I knew there was a sweet local spot I was missing because my intentions on this trip were to chill out.

At the end of the day, like I’ve mentioned, it boils down to your own personal travel style and preferences. When we get back to traveling, I doubt people will be debating which is better because we’re just going to be so dang excited to get out again! Freedom!

For now though, give us the scoop on which you like best! Are you are cruises or all-inclusive traveler—and why?

Moving in the Middle of a Pandemic + Saying Goodbye. Again.

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The act of picking up and moving again is so much more complex than the single word, “Goodbye,” would lead you to believe. If it was all that easy. Just wave goodbye and wash away the feelings that come along with closing chapters and moving on.

I’ve said goodbye to more people over the last 8 years than I care to admit. It’s a cruel byproduct of being married to a guy determined to graduate medical school, become a doctor and then complete residency. You pick up and move, in our case thousands of miles aways, every few years.

This time it feels utterly different.

I’ve said goodbye to Michigan before. It’s brutal to have to do it again.

The complexity of the emotions wrapped around this final goodbye can’t be summed up in one piece of writing. It’s taken years to get to this point. 13, if you’re counting.

This is the first move in 13 years that we decided on, not one dictated by the formalities of the medicine journey. We chose this. We decided to close the chapter of a place that both of us have called home for the majority of our lives.

That’s what makes these intricate emotions cut a bit deeper.

We want to move. We’ve planned for this. We busted our asses in our careers for just this type of adventurous opportunity.

That’s why the knot in my throat is a bit bigger.

This is it. We’re closing the chapter on the long journey to become a doctor.

This move is more final.

With that comes a complex wave of emotions that washes over me depending on the time of day, who I’ve just said goodbye to and what item I’ve just picked up and packed: sad, excited, scared, happy, nervous, content and anxious.

Toss in moving 4,400 miles during a global pandemic and starting a new life on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and you can imagine things have been a bit more complicated than other moves.

Not surprisingly, I’ve got my To Do Lists checked off and have everything lined up as best I can before we pick up our lives and move.

  • Flights
  • Fur baby quarantine and test results needed to relocated to Hawaii
  • Furnished home for 14-day quarantine
  • Movers
  • Car shipment
  • Cancel utilities
  • Forward mail
  • Donate all winter clothes *smirk*
  • Sell 50% of household goods (Yes, for real)
  • Finalize and go to all doctors appointments

This is all occurring when the world is nearly at a full-stop. Trying to get anything done logistically has been a slow, tedious and sometimes tequila-inducing journey.

Yet, those aren’t the things weighing heavy right now. I just waved goodbye to my husband as he left for his very last residency shift and I’m feeling all sort of things.

It’s the things we can’t check off on a list that lurk a bit more in the backs of our hearts and minds that matter most.

As we drove through the city where I spent my formative years growing up and then made our way downtown to Detroit, those sentimental bubbles of memories kept floating to the top.

From where I performed my first musical solo on stage to where I gave my high school graduation speech to where we had our first date and finally where we got engaged; which happened two weeks before we left Michigan the first time. You guessed it, on another move during this medicine journey.

As I wrote about here, so much has changed and yet, so much has remained the same.

In many ways I’ve moved on from my hometown and in other ways, I’ll always be intrinsically tied to this Midwestern safe haven.

My heart will always have a special spot for Detroit, a city that defines what true grit means and how transformation isn’t (necessarily) a beautiful process; but one sometimes filled with heartbreak as rebuilding shows a cruel inner workings of greed, social structures and racial inequalities.

I’ve realized as I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone time and time again with each move, that I get to experience what some may not—redefining what I imagined my life to be. Sure, it’s a privilege. That goes without saying for me. But, it’s also something that comes with a lot of heartache and resilience.

Something I’m reminded of each time I say goodbye.

Each time I have to residiscover where my favorite sour cream is in the new grocery store.

Each time I ask what the attire is for meeting new colleagues, not wanting to show up too over or underdressed.

Each time I reassess a new neighborhood running route.

Each time I look for local, progressive, social justice group meetings.

Each time I call friends and hear both good and bad news, without being able to hug them.

Each time I search for the perfect coffee shop to sit down and barrel through my words, expressing the barrage of emotions another move has brought on.

Each time I wonder if this move will take months or years for me to readjust and find a new circle of local friends.

Each time I get that nervous knot in my stomach that I’ll do or say something that completely shows I’m the new kid in town.

The life we imagine often sifts out these nuances of change. Moving to a tropical island in the middle of the ocean is an exotic adventure! The day-to-day of that may not be as adventurous or exotic as we reconcile this new life and chapter.

That’s okay.

More often than not the highlight reel we see on the interwebs only showcases the fabulous end result.

We wouldn’t be writing this new Hawaiian chapter without finishing our Midwestern one. It’s was a long chapter earmarked and full of highlighted paragraphs; one that has forever left an imprint on my heart.

One that gave me the courage to say yes to this new tropical chapter.

Here’s to more adventures and adjusting our sails in the seas of change.

Especially during a global pandemic.