It’s my birthday this week and I’m celebrating in style–in Hawaii. Imagine me, a mai tai and terrible hula skills. You’re welcome for that image.
Turning 39 has me reflecting on things, especially how I was feeling 10 years ago when I turned 29. I anxiously awaited 30. I was super pumped to turn 30. I was ready to leave my twenties behind and throw duces at any drama that came around me, “I’m in my thirties now, I’m too mature for this.”
Frankly, 40 is feeling very much the same. I’m looking forward to it for the most part because I’m grateful for my 39 years swirling around this planet.
I know 40 sounds scary, I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me squirm a little bit. But, I will not–you hear me?–will not be one of those people who proclaims life is over, we’re old and suddenly cue to the mid-life crisis. People know how much shitting on your own age screams of insecurity, right?
Many people come up with lists of the things they want to do before a certain age and I’ve participated in that previously. This year though, feeling the love of life and new transitions, I want to do things differently.
So in honor of my 39th birthday, here’s a list of 39 things I’m not going to do before I turn 40.
- Be ashamed I’m 39.
- Provide long explanations.
- Feel bad about cutting out the toxic BS.
- Wear uncomfortable jeans.
- Hang around unmotivated, negative Nancys.
- Feel crappy about unproductive days. We all have them, it’s how we bounce back that matters. Oh and we’re allowed a break!
- Be a resident doctor’s wife. I’ll be a full-fledged docta’s wife now!
- Believe liars change their stripes.
- Buy the cheaper drinks. Saving a few bucks isn’t worth it anymore; if I want the more expensive stuff (within reason), I’m getting it.
- Explain how I prioritize my life. I don’t ask why you have kids, do I?
- Fear making mistakes in my business. I need to be a bit more carefree this year and allow myself to take bigger risks, for sometimes bigger rewards.
- Feel bad about healthy boundaries.
- Have too many eyeshadow palettes. Is that even a thing?
- Follow up or repeat myself. If you don’t get it done or do what you said you would; that’s on you, bucko.
- Feel bad for only getting Biscoff cookies on all my Delta flights. Are there other options? I have no idea, I just shout YES when cookies are offered.
- Stay silent when someone says racist shit.
- Engage with materialistic gossip.
- Make excuses for not practicing yoga. It’s okay to skip from time to time because, you know, life. But, I need to remind myself it’s a mindful practice more than anything and my brain and heart are so grateful when I do it regularly.
- Judge myself when I feel overwhelmed. It’s okay!
- Do tomorrow’s dishes. Figuratively, of course. Because, you can’t and worrying about something and trying to fix something right now that can’t be, doesn’t help.
- Poke fun at anyone else inching close to 40. We’re all in this together, guys.
- Worry about every pound lost or gained. I’ve lost 15-ish pounds in the last year. It’s felt both impossible and easy. I love working out, maybe not beforehand when I need to get up and do it, but I love how I feel when I do. I needed to focus on my why, which was for my joints to hurt less while working out as I lose weight, which they have a bit. Health is beyond a number on the scale. Mindfully eating and working out without pain are my main goals.
- Put such stringent terms on the next 6 months that I don’t enjoy it. Our life will be changing drastically as his ER residency ends. I like to have everything planned. That’s not going to happen though. I need to just go with it and know things will work out!
- Apologize for my territorial but loving ginger kitty. He’s a grumpy old man, that loves me and the hubster so much. He gets scared (and mad) around people that are not us. Sensitive gingers.
- Concern myself with other people’s issues unless they bring it up to me.
- Be so consumed with the end game or being on-brand for my biz, that I don’t experiment more with it.
- Feel selfish for wanting to go after my dreams.
- Regret the time I spend painting or drawing. More of this please!
- Wait for loved ones to be more involved. Lower those expectations, girl.
- Wear heels taller than 4 inches.
- Be superwoman. She’s a character, not real life.
- Be ashamed of my love for seltzer water.
- Not watch kids’ movies because I’m not a kid. (I wrote this while watching Lion King on my 6.5 hour flight.)
- Have to worry about another year of residency!
- Think I need to visit every country in the world instead of revisiting the ones I love. I’m looking at you, Japan, England and Cambodia.
- Force things that don’t feel right. Friendships, business deals, see-through yoga pants.
- Hold onto relationships that have effectively been ghosted. I sincerely wish them well and will always look fondly back on those fun memories.
- Defend loving the Spice Girls.
- Be afraid of the big 3-9. I’VE GOT THIS, BOO.
Harlan V. says
I am SCREAMING. I love this so much, both as a celebration of your bday and a declaration of life. Thank you for sharing your life and words – loooove it and happy birthday, Caroline! <3
Jenny McK says
Love allll of this!!