Even figuring out this first sentence is tough. Iâ€™m a copywriter by trade and an over-thinker by nature. Therefore, figuring out how to â€œstart postingâ€ again involved much time, tequila and hitting the delete key.
So, letâ€™s just rip the Baid-Aid and start this here thing!
Whatâ€™s been the hold up, you ask? The hubster asked me the very same thing while sitting at our favorite hole in the wall bar. I have so many ideas and so many things I want to do with this site, that I surprised myself by immediately tearing up and letting the plethora of fears about re-starting spill out. It also could have been the 9% ABV beer, but I digressâ€¦
In my diatribe of fears, it basically broke down to this.
Fear of failure
What if they laugh at me? No, seriously. I was the kid that wore a freakinâ€™ wallpaper outfit to the first day of school in 5th grade. THATâ€™S A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY.
Fear of success
What if I get offered a lucrative deal to be Prince Williamâ€™s babyâ€™s nanny? Just as serious as fear of failure is the fear the unknown opportunities that arise with success. Since I donâ€™t know what those could be, I fear them. I need things planned, people. Planned.
Fear of offending someone
What if someone takes what I write personally? I mean, sometimes I swear. As in, use foul language. And shit, people can get bent out of shape about that shit. They could take something to heart and hold it against me FOR-EV-ER.
(Because thatâ€™sÂ superÂ helpful.)
Fear of not being true to myself
What if I feel like Iâ€™m holding back because they may think Iâ€™m weird or worseâ€¦fat and ugly! We all know those are the worst things to be in lifeâ€¦ Secondary note: what if they donâ€™t know sarcasm?
Fear of responses
What if people get nasty? Iâ€™ve been the subject of punchlines. Some people will forever roll their eyes at everything thatâ€™s posted. But youâ€™re still reading, SUCKAS.
So back to the 9% ABV beerâ€¦
While the hubster just blankly stared for a bit at me, he finally let out an exasperated:
Heâ€™s right. I know heâ€™s right. Every fiber of my being knows heâ€™s right. And I didnâ€™t need him to tell me that. I just needed someone to give me a reality check. Husbands are good for that.
While Iâ€™ve grown leaps and bounds towards not worrying, sometimes fear takes hold. But you know what feels better than fear? Turning off the filters and showing the world just who I am. It feels awesome. So here I am. (Rock you like a hurricane?) Take it or leave it.
(Iâ€™d take it. Iâ€™m pretty cool.)
So hereâ€™s to not caring.
To starting from the very beginningâ€¦again.